I have completely ruined my life?

Question

Yesterday I got back from the hospital from a stomach pumping after downing a bottle of pills.

I squandered everything, life is what you make it, and I have ruined every opportunity, I had the chance to do somethings, but now I'm 20 and I'm too old, and the worst of all I'm not good at anything and I still don't know what to do with my life, there are things I enjoy, but never had the chance.

I'm stupid, really stupid, I have an IQ in the low 90s, and I have dyslexia and dyscalculia, and I have no grades from school and I cant go to college, I have a hard time reading and writing, I didn't just type this out in one go, I messed up a bunch of times and re arranged it over a while, I was in special ed at school, and people just think I'm retarded, every time I'm with somebody, I feel as though people are talking to me in a dumbed down manner, as if there is a way of making general conversations in layman's terms, I'm always seen as somebody to be pitied, and although it may seem that's why I'm writing this, it isn't, I just want to say it to anybody who is willing to read it, but I hate being that way with people, and I will never have anybody take me seriously, I' just a few points up from being classed as officially mentally retarded

I have no social skills, I have severe social phobia, I'm not smart, creative enough to make friends, I am very shy and I'm simply not good enough for people to want to know me, if I was an extrovert, I would be one of these people that are stupid and extroverted, you know, people you just want to shut the f**k up when ever they are around.

I am very ugly, I have been told many times, I would probably find somebody who loves me if I was smart or had a good personality, but I don't I am the kind of person that will be alone for their entire life, I'm the person people will eventually settle for, they feel as though they don't have to be nice to me.

I have been sheltered in the suburbs my entire life, I have no life experience because of the way I am, and that makes me a very weak person.

Its very hard to think of everything that I hate about myself and put into perspective in writing off the top of head right now, maybe I should have written this all down before I started trying to express what I am thinking, I don't know....

I see people all over that are terminally ill, people who are loved, people who had great lives but are on the verge of losing it, people in third world countries who should be alive, and I have a life, but I can't do anything with it, I never wanted it, I have never liked it, I have been on the verge of looking into voodoo to try and give them my health, but that's just stupid.

Why am I posting this on here?, I don't know, I don't want your answers, nobody listens to me ever, my therapist is crap, he's more concerned about making me buy into programmes, I just want some people I don't know to possibly know the stuff that is going on in my head, like I said, I don't want your answers, if you want to answer with some aggression and call me a baby or a coward, be my guest, because I probably wont read them anyway, like I said I just want to say it in public, even if it is in writing.
Me and my family don't get along, and I don't have any friends, and the only people I know really don't want to hear it.
But if you are enraged by this, I don't want to stop freedom of speech and tell you not to do somebody not to do something and report them if they do, but why don't you just ignore it?, and go say mean stuff to other people, within an hour of me posting this, it will be lost in cyber-space anyway.

I'm just going to spend the next 40-50 years drugged out of my head on prozac or something, so it doesn't really matter.

I just wanted to get that off my back, if you have read all this, kudos, and don't worry, I wont be back on this site spouting off about this again, I started using this website yesterday, and I'm not exactly doing what I am supposed to so whatever...

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

you do not sound very unintelligent to me; just depressed. and IQ is meaningless; never let anyone label you as anything.

i know how you feel about having no social skills. i don't really have that many friends either. but you should not give up. there are nice people in the world. few, but they do exist. you should try doing something that will help you to meet other people. try doing charity work or something. try doing work with little kids, or animals. little kids always look up to adults; to a kid an older person is the coolest person in the world and they can make you feel very good about yourself. trust me.

and stop looking at life as something that you need to succeed in. there is no such thing; that is completely subjective. you do not need to be "pretty", or "rich", or even have friends to be successful; you simply need to be happy. find something that will make you happy, and don't stop searching until you find it. quiting is the only way to assure failure. try things that you would never normally do. eventually you will find something that makes you happy.

? · Answer

First of all I wold like to congratulate you. I know that sounds absolutely absurd right now but this feeling of hopes come from your strength as a human being and as a person. You know as a rational person that things will get better and there is always hope. Many people take their own lives in a forgetful moment of this fact. Never give up and always hold on to that part of you that wants to hold on. There are always people who love you and ways to get around something that happened to you. I believe that you will never be handed anything more than you can deal. If you just went through the greatest loss that you have ever heard of happen to anyone then feel thankful that the universe or higher power thinks you are strong enough to handle it. Everyone has their ups and their downs, and some of us even bottom out. Keep your head high and try not to reminisce. This is your life today, not yesterday. Today is the gift you have been given, and you are a gift to the world. You are here for a reason. Keep believing, stay strong. I know how you feel I have lost everything too before. And now, looking back, I never would have been grateful for the things that I have today if I hadn't lost everything that I held dear to me. And you are right, material objects are just that. You can't take them with and you have to leave them here. You may not own anything but you possess so much to offer the world. Keep strong and keep smiling!

Fallen · Answer

IQ does not determine how intelligent you are but how fast you process information. All that means is you process information slower than most people. It does not mean you are stupid. 

You may regret life now, but you do not know what the future may hold. I speak from the heart when I say perhaps the worst things in life can lead to the best things in life. My life took a huge turn recently which basically I was kicked out of my school and transfered to a public school. I am not allowed to go to prom or anything. However, I met the most wonderful girl in my life and I am starting to see that out of turmoil comes progress. You move on and find other things.

Do not be so self conscious about your looks. You should learn to not let your insecurities get the best of you. You live once. Like you said, why waste your life despairing over nothing when you can try to be happy? Don't let what anybody says to you stop you from being happy. Get out there talk to girls, go to parties, make conversation, let your sense of humor come out.

I wish you the best of luck, friend.

The Master Dragoon · Answer

I read everything you wrote here, and my heart truly goes out to you. If you don't like your therapist you should change him, even though I think therapy takes a long time to have an effect. My only advice to you is seek out things that make you happy.

Anonymous · Answer

The way you express yourself is just so interesting. You are smart it seems and who cares about people, just make a lot of money like creating stuff or investing in anything and you will become rich and that's gonna be all that matters.

? · Answer

admitting you have a problem is the first step in overcoming it

channi · Answer

Welcome to Real world hunny, You are not alone, there are millions of us around, but Machines will soon take over........

nessa_XD · Answer

you'll be fine ;)

Mandem · Answer

your ****ed

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I have completely ruined my life?

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