Can constipation be a form of inspiration?

Question

I offer this poem up to the wheel of cheese
which brought this man to his knees
For a week, fruit and fiber I did shun
so my hellish nightmare had begun

Deliberate was my gate towards the head
behind, a stench that offended the dead
Though I hated to leave my guest that night
I knew, inside, something wasn’t right

By time my pants were half undone 
I had contemplated dialing nine one one
But it had begun to crown, it was too late
So I spread my cheeks and accepted my fate

Quite possible the only man on earth
to know the horrors of giving birth
The contractions now only seconds apart
the excruciating pain was about to start

I bit down on rag from the vanity shelf
as I searched for something to brace myself
I ripped the towel bar from the tiled wall 
and tore the curtain from the shower stall

I swore and cursed then I spoke in tongues
I cried for help at the top of my lungs 
I promised allegiance to whichever God
would help me pass this concrete rod

I gained a whole new respect for fear
the moment I felt my bung hole tear
As I felt the cool splash hit my bottom bare
I joyously pumped my fist in the air 

I stood  and marveled upon what I had made
I couldn’t help wonder; how much it weighed
Knowing for certain it would be a mess
Oh never mind… seems I digress

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Great imagery and compliments
for using the words "bung hole",
"bare" "pumped" and "fist"
in a single stanza.

You've inspired me to write 
an ode to floaters.

Yours is like a retro-
slanted
tribute to Villeroy & Boch's
2-piece WC
ensemble with gently rounded
edges -
so fartin' comfy - I dream
of the day I TOO
may plop my azzz 
all day, 
sweat and cling to shiny 
shower curtains
and play buttt-yo-yo
with turtle heads.
.
.

Anonymous · Answer

Now to set right the problem take 10 ml of cremafin laxative with water after dinner To regularize have fibre content food drink 3 liters of water daily

Anonymous · Answer

That explains why you're up so late.  I feel for you, bro.  
I once tried to pass, what felt like, a watermelon (seedless) through my cheeks.  The death grip I put on that shower door, coupled with me screaming, "TAKE IS CESAREAN!" caused me to lose my cleaning deposit due to some plumbing issues I had with my landlord.

wavryder ® · Answer

aaah, memories of my drinking days....so vivid the description, I can almost smell it- 

The agony of shiiting a cinder block sideways will never be forgotten by any man. You are now in a very elite group who have survived this amazing feat

libby · Answer

To answer your question...obviously so! Well done. I laughed.

A joke I love, is of the man who walks into an optometrist's office and places a large box on the office table.

"Take a look at this," he says.

The optometrist opens the box to see a very large coiled and steaming turd.

"Why have you brought this to me?" he asks, "I'm an optometrist!"

"I know, " says the man. "My eyes haven't stopped watering since I passed it!"

Anonymous · Answer

Excellent poetic expression; however, I do believe you could have found a way to fit in something about squeezing the Charmin.

KDS · Answer

Yeah it's an inspiration alright. An inspiration of just trying to get something to come out.

? · Answer

I'm running right out to buy some  exlax right now!

. · Answer

If I give you some creme, you won't expect me to apply it, right?  
Poor boy. I am so sorry.

? · Answer

I have prayed to that very god myself. The "concrete rod" God. Some good sh!t, this poem.

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Can constipation be a form of inspiration?

15 Answers