Do all men look at women like this? If so, how to avoid it?

Oh, trust me, that's not all there is. I actually find that many men who look at me in this way are perfectly aware that I'm not just a nice body. They know that I'm a person who happens to have what they consider a nice body. I used to be a swinger, and I'd usually chat with those I slept with. They were, for the most part, very respectful even though we were little more than sexual partners.

The only men who look at women and see nothing but possible sex are immature or obsessed with sex. Sexualization doesn't necessarily mean that that's all they see. There are men who'll go up to a woman they find attractive and talk with her, try to find something in common and, if they seem to click, ask her out. They definitely see her sexually, or they wouldn't be interested in romance, but they also look for something beyond that. Also, I have plenty of male friends. Some of them think I'm attractive and have told me so, but in the way female friends will complement eachother in a platonic way. Others don't think I'm attractive, but hey, we're still friends.

Sadly, there's no way to control who sees you sexually. I really don't know what else to say about that. It's like wishing that the only people who could see you as ugly are those you didn't like or something. It's just beyond your control. Part of life. Just know that it usually doesn't mean anything. If I see someone unattractive, I'm not going to go up and declare them ugly unless I'm an awful human being. Same with those who randomly sexually proposition strangers in an inappropriate setting (f*ck the catcallers). They're rare. Relax.

No such large generalization is ever wholly correct. There is nothing you can say that is true of all men. But evolution does indeed give us hormones, and our culture uses attraction commercially, so there is a certain preoccupation with it, as you note.

In a psych lab, if you show a woman a picture of a baby her pupils get larger. It's hard wired into us. And if you show a man a picture of a pretty girl, his pupils dilate, too, for the same reason. Nature want to be darn sure the species persists; that's what it's all about.

However, your reaction to the situation could use some examination. First off, nobody yet has been damaged by being looked at. Second, not all of us participate, and some of us find the assumption insulting. Not all women sense the insult you do; many take it as a compliment. One of my correspondents told me she is pleased that age 40 "I still turn heads." Bear in mind you do not in fact know what you think you do.

Be assured that your fantastic skills and brilliant mind will not go unappreciated for long, and try to remedy your own reductionist views of men; you'll feel a lot better if you can manage it. I think you will have a hard time finding a good relationship so long as you harbor your present attitudes.

Nah, not all guys are like this. That being said, I do catch myself staring at a hot woman quite often. That being said, I don't think that thats the problem. The problem probably is more in how men deal with this attraction. I do stare, but I wouldn't be so blunt as to look at her with a jaw-lock.

It's nonsense that every guy "sexualizes" women. When I get a crush on a woman it usually is more due to her personality, her interests and second maybe due to her gorgeous looks. It's just the *first* thing guys notice, because it's in our nature, but it by NO means is the *only* thing we notice. Besides, you can't control people's thoughts, nor should you.

Short answer: No. Not all men see you as just a sexobject. It's probably not even the majority either. Sure, we like a hot looking woman, but being hot doesn't mean we no longer see you as a full person.

OK very good points here. Yes the music has no positive influence at all. Yes you can go underground and dig everywhere and find it but it probably want be quality music. What's important is what's on TV that's what everyone will look at anyway. I wish there was better music myself and I'm for one aren't like the girls you mentioned. I feel sorry for them and they probably grew up without their father or mother just aren't doing her job. I point the blame to these rappers because they know we look up to them so they need to do better. Hell what can you say about this the economy sucks people are stingy with their money right now so only a select of rappers control the audience for now.

Maybe not all, but most men will think sexual thoughts when they see an attractive woman. It's just nature. That doesn't mean that is the only thing they think of, but it is part of their thinking. Why does it make your skin crawl? You can still talk to men and show off your intellect and personality. There are a handful of men who view women purely as flesh, but a lot of men will get to know you after the initial visual impression, so to speak.

First thing I'd like to mention: Don't know what you've been told about feminism, but you seem to have a commendable amount of respect for yourself, and you come off as a feminist to me. You can identify yourself as you want, just saying that the movement would probably be glad to have you :)

As for the men leering, your friend is wrong. Not all men think like that; your friend thinks that all men think like that because he's got the societal idea of what a man is "supposed" to be. Don't worry, most men are pretty reasonable. Any way to avoid it? I avoid it mostly by wearing baggier clothing, but I understand the want to look nice. If you want to get confrontational, if a man is deliberately leering at you, you can look him in the eye and say, nicely but sharply, "do you need help with something?"

This really is a 'non problem' from my perspective. This is nature. Why can we not celebrate the dynamics of nature instead of deriding them? Sure, there are predators out there. There are men you find physically unattractive. There are rapists out there but the majority of men will just privately note you are a fox and go on about their business and do absolutely no harm to you whatsoever. They may even pay you a compliment and if you really do start to feel harassed, there are laws for that too. If you believe in God, it is a blessing that he made you beautiful and not physically deformed. That ought to be celebrated. It is unfair to expect to be able to control who you 'allow' to find you physically attractive and who you disown. You get to choose who you share your attractiveness and beauty with but other people will still enjoy beauty where they find it. Maybe it is because my childhood involved being embarrassed, humiliated, bullied and terrorized alot but now as a young woman when men make it evident they are attracted to me and pay me a compliment, I see it is a rather lovely materialization. To me, it is one of the 'good' things in life when I really have had the bad things in life like depression and even sex abuse put my way. I still enjoy the dynamics between the sexes though. It is fun to me!

I know what will help you to change that attitude right around... This nifty tune from Andy Williams! It does to everyone!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-5-GD8YeObE

Men who behave in this manner are stupid. I ignore any man who treats me this way. He is not going to get anything at all from me with that type of behavior. Those silly men are just going to be ignored. That's it. Just ignore them. They are not even going to get anything from you. If they try to touch you, get close to you, or follow you around, then yell at them to stop or you will report them to the authorities. A lot of men out there don't even give a sh*t if they act inappropriate towards women or girls. That is why they should be reported to the police and let's see if they will think twice if they decide to act stupid again. Sadly, most will never grow up.

Umm I look at men in the same matter and I find it quite enjoyable.

I also do not mind if a man first look at how attractive I am. Its a very healthy and natural behavior and no I don't think it applies to all man.

Just wear very unattractive clothing if it bothers you.

Not all men are like that, but most of them are. There is pretty much nothing you can do about it except be proud that you aren't like that yourself. Humans are animals, and many males will almost always act first on instinct. You have to accept it. I believe that, thankfully, most men don't act on these instincts.

Try to ignore it.