Why do children bully & harass other children?

Monkey see, monkey do.

Kids who are treated with unkindness and casual cruelty (emotionally or physically) by their parents usually turn around and do the same to someone else the moment they find a weakness and opportunity, or they become the victim to other children as well as adults.

If you had your feelings and body casually disregarded by someone, what would stop you from doing the same thing to someone else?

I don't think punishment works. Punishment makes people more motivated to lie, conceal their activities, distrust adults and shuts down communication, which is what they really need. It doesn't change what caused them to want to mistreat another person in the first place; if anything, it gives them even more motivation to do so. Punishment MAKES kids lie and be sneaky, it teaches them nothing except that they have to be smarter about doing the wrong thing the next time. Punishment doesn't educate, it doesn't change minds, it doesn't rehabilitate. It doesn't even usually modify behaviour, unless of course you count the fear of being caught driving better deception tactics. Some people do just need to be punished: sociopathic serial killers, drug lords, deluded religious fanatics. But most kids, most people, can be rehabilitated and our society seems to have a real problem with the difference between punishment and rehabilitation. Punishment is a revenge. Rehabilitation is teaching why something is wrong and showing a person how to do the right thing instead.

If adults are tired of seeing kids and teens bully, harass, and show unkindness not only to each other but back at adults, perhaps they need to stop modelling that behaviour to their children. It never fails to shock me when I see some lady (and it is usually a lady) smack her kid while saying, "YOU DON'T HIT!" or even better, yelling, "WE DON'T YELL." Where do you think the kid learned it?!

If society wants to start changing how kids interact with each other, we need to not only change how we interact with them, but how we interact with each other as adults.

I honestly don't think any amount of after school programs, Very Special Episodes of tv shows, token lectures at school or phoney "teaching sessions" is going to teach compassion, empathy, understanding, tolerance or good behaviour. Compassion and decent behaviour isn't learned because a cub scout leader or a teacher does a little talk and makes a kid go through some meaningless exercise. It comes from first being treated with compassion and having examples of compassion, and from an internal will to do good that is developed through genuine (IE not forced or arranged/structured) experience with other people of all ages and kinds - something today's overscheduled, overdirected kids wholly lack - and through guidance.

Again, guidance and dictation being two very different things that our society does not differentiate as much as it needs to. Dictation says, "do this and this because I tell you to, because you don't have a choice, and because there will be punishment if you don't." Guidance says, "I think this is the right choice, here's why it's the right choice, and here's why you should WANT to make the right choice even though you have the option to make the wrong one and the wrong one might be easier or more immediately satisfying."

Kids need a lot less dictation, and a lot more guidance. Guidance is work. Dictation and punishment is easy. When we get to that point of doing what's right rather than what's easy, I think empathy and a better way of interacting with each other and the world will follow for ALL of us, not just children.

(But I'm not holding my breath.)

i think its human nature to be cruel. we have such potential for empathy and kindness but when it comes down to it every man has a heart of darkness, it's our everlasting struggle to fight those inner demons. Being cruel to someone is a very primal and bestial act that was probably better served in the early ages of man when competition for resources mean ones very survival. it reminds me of raising a puppy, as we all know that puppy has the potential to be a great dog if shown love compassion and a firm hand in its youth. sadly a lot of kids dont get this and its akin to that old adage: "you cant teach an old dog new tricks"

its evolution, same reason one baby bird will peck the weaker baby bird to death in the nest

half are instinctual wild animals who base their belief system on Darwinism

half are intellectually superior humans who base their belief system on humanity

basically people do it because instinct drives them and they literally CANNOT stop themselves, all tracing back to the root emotion of FEAR

the question becomes how to distinguish between good humanity and bad humanity, which can mimic each other if not carefully examined.

kids want attention and girls especially love drama i attend an all girls high school and the ridicule is horrible. eventually they will grow out of this stage.