I'm Worried About My Wife?

My goodness the haters are out in force today.

I am, as well, a roman catholic and any catholic worth their salt would know that they also frown upon vasectomy and tube tying.... it still prevents the conception of a child and, to our church that is what sex is about, procreation. You asked us not to judge and, some people have ignored that, how typical of uneducated people. I am 50 and, I have 9 children, the last one I had when I was 44. Like your wife I thought that seeing as most of the other kids were preparing to leave home, I was done with diapers.

Throughout that entire pregnancy I believed that I didn't love the baby which fueled my similar crying fits. Then when the delivery happened I gave birth to a healthy baby boy and when I held him in my arms for the first time, all those feelings of being scared just dissipated when I saw his bubbly little face. He is 6 now and, I can't imagine my life without him. I went through menopause so, no more kids for me but, to me children are truly a blessing and not a curse. Plus since we had the older kids they were a great help, like you our older ones were well into their 20's.

Your wife is lucky to have you, you care. My husband has also been by my side throughout all the trials of raising our children. I give you props, it is not easy raising so many kids but, at the end of the day as I walk down the hall to me and my husband's bedroom, I can't help but smile as I gaze upon all the photos of me, my husband, and these 9 kids and, I know that when my husband and I eventually leave this Earth, they will have the biggest support system... each other. I don't judge you, it's tought but not undoable.

I know what your wife went through and she will be fine a mother's love never fades, despite the child or whatever it is that they have done. I may sound like a religious nut but, their are some thing I do diasgree with about our faith. Like my third child, Adam, he's gay. I don't love him anyless and wish him all the happiness in the world and I loathe our faith's stance on homosexuality but, I still abide by the rule of birth control. Are my husband and I supposed to throw a moment of passion away because I may or may not be ovulating? - It was hard enough for us to get that moment of peace when we concieved our ninth kid.

Good luck and god bless...... It will all be OK in the end.

well Michael as a Catholic you will want t o take the initiative and learn about Natural Family Planning. there are really 2-3 days a woman can get pregnant so.... don't have sex on those days in the future ;)

she may be having some hormonal issues -- worrying about downs as well as all the other challenges with a child being born of an older mother. you may want to talk to her ob gyn and see what the real challenges are - she will have to be going through a lot more tests as a late in life mom. the only blessing is you have many kids already so that is a positive! she IS right about the hormones and just go with it. you might want to continue to do things just for her -- don't ignore the baby but remember too that she IS your wife and needs her own attention as well. I know for some friends who were in those funks i would send something for her.... a manicure & pedicure or other pampering just for her. everyone fawns over the baby and with hormones raging already.... this is where she would need some "her" time. maybe a weekend at a B&B by the water or woods or wherever you two like to go....

God bless you in your new adventure!

Wow, I would say that if she isn't going to clubs every weekend you don't have anything to worry about. But I could definitely understand why you would ask that question because that says a lot about how she values the relationship. Maybe you should think deeply about how that comment made you feel and eventually discuss it with her. I don't see why going to clubs would make her cheat on you eventually but I guess everyone has different weaknesses. On the positive side maybe she just felt that she could be transparent with you and tell you the truth about how she really felt about the subject. Doesn't necessarily mean that she would cheat but if you feel you need some affirmation confront her so that she can clarify...

Your wife has raised six children... two of them twins. Six is a lot of work, but twins is an added amount. Kids... even when we love them dearly... are time consuming, hard work and a lot of worry. On top of that, your wife has carried each child inside of her for nine months. Unborn children take their nourishment from the mother... nitrogen, phosphorous and calcium are a few. It takes it's toll on mom after numerous pregnancies.

This doesn't necessarily mean your wife doesn't want the child, but has a hard time with it. :)

Many women have children, even well into their 40s. I honestly believe it's not as big a deal as it's made out to be... in terms of how unhealthy it can be. Just make sure your wife keeps up on vitamins and a healthy diet.. including mild exercise.

Emotionally... it's a really rough time! Be there for her, show a positive attitude towards that new bundle of joy and just try to make things a little easier for your wife.. maybe even remember to help out with some chores she may be feeling overwhelmed with.

http://www.consciousparentingguide.com/Samuels_MD_...

She is probably just stressed because she too thought the baby days were long gone and is thinking about having to go back to that at the age of 45. That, plus at her age birth defects are a higher risk. If I was her and I already had 6 kids and had to start over with a baby I'd be crying too. Give her time to adjust to what was likely a very big shock.

At first glance, having a new baby while also raising two teenagers seems a bit daunting to me. You say yourself that you and your wife thought you were done; a 13 year gap between babies and having children old enough to give you grandchildren makes it seem likely that your wife was ready to move into a new stage in her life. Add the worries about her health and the baby's health and she could be feeling a bit overwhelmed right now.

You do not need to be a woman to figure out how you can support your wife. You do need to listen, and avoid being too eager to 'bring her out o this funk". You may want a happy pregnancy; but one sign of a very strong marriage is when a man can let his wife know that he loves her and supports her even when she is unhappy.

You tried asking her "what's wrong" and that didn't seem to help. So, try something else. My first suggestion is to stop trying to bring her out of her funk, stop expecting her to feel happy at this time. Give her the dignity to feel a bit unsure about having another baby. The 'trick' is to let her know that you are with her as she goes through this pregnancy-no matter how she is feeling. You need to recognize that your worries about whether she can love this baby, and your expectations that you will have a happy pregnancy and happy mommy are unfair to her and to you. You may not be intending to do this, but your desires and expectations are likely putting pressure on your wife to act like she is happy when she isn't feeling happy; which will only add to her stress.

No one is happy all the time. Adjusting to such a drastic change in our lives takes time. Don't be so eager to make it all better for your wife, she is an adult, and needs to work things out for herself while you stand by her as she does this. Instead of asking her what is wrong; try asking her if she feels like talking or would rather be alone for a little bit. Tell her that you need her to tell you when she wants or needs you to do something. Tell her that you love her, and reassure her that you have faith that the two of you can handle whatever comes. Keep in mind that going through a pregnancy with teenagers in the house may not be all that much fun for your wife; so the more you can step up and spend time with your other children, the more time your wife will have to care for herself. Maybe try a family meeting where all household chores are divvied up, and you be the one to make sure that the chores are done. Lastly; this is a perfect time to do "dates" with just you and your wife; if you haven't done this before, start doing it now. Dates can be as simple as sitting outside together chatting about your day, to going out to dinner and a movie or concert.

You seem very caring, have patience with yourself and your wife. You have my best wishes.

Maybe she is not really wanting to go through this all again. At that age, I wouldn't be wanting to start over with bottles and diapers. She may be very afraid that she won't be able to handle it. Ask her straight out if that is what is bothering her. Then tell her you will support her as much as humanly possible. Go with her to the doctor's appointments if at all possible, be there to help her with the baby as much as you can. Help her with the housework and such because at that age, being pregnant is going to make her more tired than if she was 25. Or get her some help with the housework. Maybe the kids will pitch in. They are old enough to understand and to help their mom. As much as you can, hold her and let her know she is still the woman you married and that you still love her. Thanks for being caring. You sound like a good husband and father.

It may be, that she doesn't want to bring another child into this world the way things are headed. And

she could also be depressed, because she's let her health run down, to where she is lacking in the

vitamins and minerals, she needs to be on now that she is pregnant again. She may realize what her

age will be, when this one reaches adulthood. And she can't be certain if she will be around to see

the child grow up and have his or her own family one day. I know having children, is basically for the

young women who have the strength to do heavy skills, when it comes to caring for children. She's

nearing the age of grandmotherhood, where her role should be less demanding than when she was

young. I don't know if the older children are around to help your wife with the new demands of taking

care of a baby. But perhaps if they are willing, they can drop over and give her some time to herself

so she can get a needed break. She won't have the stamina she had in her 20's for taking care of a

baby. So she will need reprieves every day if she's home and not working. I would suggest you have

your tubes tied, to end any future 'surprises'. It's a shame, you didn't do this years ago. It is cheaper

and far easier on a man to have this done. Hopefully with the right vitamins and minerals added, she

will pull out of her depression and look forward to her last little dividend on its' way.

I'm sorry that you have been bombarded with so much negativity in some of these answers. Some don't even know that a vasectomy or tubal ligation IS birth control. I wonder if they even read the whole Q. My mother was in her 40's when my little brother was born. He was no. 6 and we all were delighted and pitched in to help. He was the ring bearer in my wedding. You will all adjust and be just fine. I can picture all of you having wonderful Christmases and other holidays. My brother made ours so special. Take one day at a time and you will feel less stressed. You seem like a great person.

I think you need to listen to your wife - if she says "nothing - just hormones" - PAY ATTENTION.

This could very well be a happy pregnancy but she needs to be tested. Your wife may well be having a change of life baby. This happens more frequently than you can imagine. The next time she goes to the Dr. ask for a test to be run to make sure she is not in the change of life. If she is, then there are meds that can help her through this and all the days to follow!

Good luck Daddy!

CJ