How do I hold on when I'm so unhappy?

My friend, my heart goes out to you and your wife. It sounds like you are both struggling. Yes, communication is a great way to start... Women are almost always more interested in talking than men are. It's like a universal female love language.

Do you KNOW your wife? Have you tried to win her to yourself by going out of your way to show her your love for her? What if you did something from before you two were married? (Go to an old restaurant, take her to the place you went on your honeymoon, go watch a movie you watched when you were dating.)

Do you constantly demand things of your wife without showing any appreciation for what she does? Do you ever show approval for things she does? Do you go out of your way to applaud her for things she does? Do you know what things she struggles in doing? When she does them, do you encourage her?

I'm not married, but I am a woman, and I can kind of understand where your wife is coming from, which is why I hope I may have the answer for you. I don't know if you're religious at all or believe in all that stuff that's in the Bible, but there's one verse that came to my mind as I'm reading your question:

"...husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself." ~Ephesians 5:28

I know that you might not be looking for a religious/spiritual/biblical answer, but the principle here is solid: if you love your wife like you love yourself, if you encourage her like you want to be encouraged, if you please her like you want to be pleased (and finding out how she wants to be pleased is a good idea), she will realize that you truly love her and want what's best for the two of you. She will respond to that.

P.S. There is always a better solution than leaving the beautiful, amazing mother/wife/teacher/lover that you married years ago. It'll take both of you cooperating, but you are the man and can initiate the process. She will appreciate the fact that you care enough to try.

I am sorry you are going through this. I know how it feels. This is going to be very difficult to do, but if you can master it, it works. When you do go for reception, answer the phone like you are at home (feeling comfortable and confident), ALWAYS have a smile on your face (people on the phone can tell when you are smiling). Basically it's called fake it til you make it. Don't forget that none of the people you work with are any better than you. You deserve a happy life just like everyone else. If you feel like you are being watched all the time, act a little more confident. It will be scary inside at first, but if you practice it enough, you will actually start to feel better.

How does your wife feel? Have you asked her that or are you too consumed with what you want? Maybe she feels like she's doing it all and getting nothing in return. How do you think it feels to be a wife, mother, and teacher and get no appreciation for it?? And when you're assertive, are you constructive with your assertiveness? Or do you come across as a selfish jerk. Because when I read this, SELFISH JERK screams out at me.

Usually in order to get foreplay, you need to GIVE foreplay. And WHY would any woman want to wear lingerie for a man who isn't overjoyed with it? It shows she's willing to try. Maybe she doesn't know what you want because you either aren't expressing yourself adequately or you're being a condescending asshole.

I understand her feeling that nothing she does is enough. Who wants to do anything for someone who doesn't appreciate it??? You BOTH need to show more appreciation for each other. AND you need to set aside time for EACH OTHER everyday. Just some quiet time at the end of the day to talk about your day. A time when you focus on each other. NO kid. NO tv. Time to get to know each other. It would also be a good idea to have a date night every week or two. And do things that you EACH like. She needs to do something you like and you need to do something she likes. Share in each other's interests.

You're not getting your needs met. What about her? Are HER needs being met??? It sounds to me that whatever she does won't be enough for you because you've already decided that nothing she can do will be enough. Understand me? You've made up your mind that it's not going to work, so it's not. Do yourself and your wife a favor and file for divorce. You'll both be happier.

You sound too damn hard to please. Clearly the woman is trying, she's even going to therapy on her own for goodness sake! And its not like she's denying you sex or refusing to wear freaken lingerie thats so important to you, she's doing that too, as you ask! You said that she is trying, but she's not even close. What more can the poor woman do? You sound pretty selfish if the main problem in your whole marriage is her wearing lingerie, and you're that miserable??? Doesn't sound right to me.

Sorry but you're impossible to please. She's obviously trying but still its not good enough. If I were her I would leave. Impossible! Get over yourself.

Do you want the truth?

You are passive-aggressive (you wish for her to cheat so you can leave) and impossible to please (2 dozen pieces of lingerie and upset that she hasn''t worn ALL of it) and unwilling to compromise (she is now trying but that's not good enough, you wanted her to try a year ago).

You will never be happy because you like being a victim, you blame others, you whine, and don't communicate.

Sorry, but I believe in tough love.

Me Me Me Me Me, what about your poor wife and her needs?? Sorry but this sounds like it's all about you and what is making YOU unhappy. Maybe she feels the same and would like you to sit down and listen to her needs. You sound incredibly selfish and if you really are that unhappy then leave and find someone else, although you'll probably still find something to moan about with them.

Sounds like you are a selfish pig ad it's all about your cock and her doing your bidding.

Why don't you do her a favor and grow a pair, and leave her.

You see that she is trying but it is not enough for you (in the bedroom). Ever stopped to consider her issues are you.

This has nothing to do with her not meeting your "needs." You're a narcissist & that's your problem. I feel sorry for your family, not you. You're the one who needs therapy.

I am sorry, but that is too much to read...But Good luck!!