Feminists: What are your opinions of BDSM?

"Do you think Dominant/submissive and Master/slave relationships are in conflict with the principles of feminism?"

--No, I do not think so. I have always viewed feminism in the context of the societal hierarchy and the legal system. Equality under the law and resisting the social pressures of gender prejudice, detrimental stereotypes, and objectification are laudable and achievable goals of feminism. Where feminism can have no impact, whether we as feminists should wish to or not, is in the minor hierarchies between individuals. These power relationships are unavoidable, and, as you yourself point out in the case of BDSM, they are not by any means necessarily favourable to men.

I may disapprove of such relationships or I may not (as it happens, I don't)--it is simply none of my business. As long as all involved are consenting adults then I cannot see what reason I should have to oppose it. If a woman or man truly wishes to be submissive or a 'slave' then they have every right to be, as long as they retain that choice, and it is striving for that choice--the ability and the right to escape and erase the roles society presents us with, that is at the heart of my view of feminism.

I am not personally aware of the 'official opinions' of any organisations, but I myself do not see it as coming under the purview of feminism.

D/s is rather like a sexual orientation ... it gives no clue to the way that individuals or couples conduct relationships. Heterosexual or homosexual relationships may be loving and caring and self-sacrificing, or they may be selfish, abusive, destructive. It's all too easy with BDSM or D/s to find examples of abusive relationships; sadly that's no different to vanilla relationships.

With BDSM and D/s, however, it's often hard to see beneath the surface to the true nature of the relationship; appearances deceive. The dominant, in a caring relationship, serves the submissive ... provides for his or her needs, takes care and trouble to train or scene or whatever you call it; takes responsibility above all. It's not all one way. And the language is often misleading: a woman may call herself a 'slave', but that is really just a metaphor for service. And there are very different models of slavery in any case, historically.

It's an area where ill-informed judgments abound, and where people, so long as nobody is getting harmed, shouldn't be making judgments in the first place about others' sexuality or private lifestyle choices.

I am a feminist and I practice BDSM. Feminism is about equality and in BDSM you have this whole roleplay with the dominant and the submissive that when properly done, it is with the consent of both the Dom and the Sub, which means that both people are into it. The goal is to achieve sexual pleasure. Even in BDSM there is respect and above all trust. My Dom respects me and I trust him, being a Sub doesn't make a woman less of a feminist, her beliefs about equality remain the same and the submission is only about pleasure.

I think that *in general* feminists tend to politicize sex and that BDSM is no exception. I think they probably focus in on the power differential and equate that with a male Dominant hating or having disdain for a submissive woman, even the sub he may be engaged with. This isn't the case at all. The reality of a D/s relationship isn't always a 24/7 endeavor, and it isn't based on disdain or a hatred for one sex over another.

I do wonder though, what the feminist's position on female Dommes and more to the point Femdom is? Is that oppressive to men or simply female "empowerment"? Funny how when the roles are reversed the same behavior(s) suddenly take on new meanings or motivations.

I've known several Feminists who have had submissive tendencies. The point is that it is their choice. There is no inherent conflict between personal politics and sexuality. That would be a little like saying a pacifist should not dress up in an army uniform in the bedroom

Men can be Feminists all they want. No big deal. However, remember the following quotes from Feminist ICON/Leader/Mentor/GOD A. Dworkin : • Men who want to support women in our struggle for freedom and justice should understand that it is not terrifically important to us that they learn to cry; it is important to us that they stop the crimes of violence against us. • Men have defined the parameters of every subject. All feminist arguments, however radical in intent or consequence, are with or against assertions or premises implicit in the male system, which is made credible or authentic by the power of men to name. • Men know everything - all of them - all the time - no matter how stupid or inexperienced or arrogant or ignorant they are. Why support such a misandrist cause ?

I guess this is one of the top reasons why I don't like to label myself a "feminist", but rather someone who is interested in gender equality.

I don't think BDSM is in conflict with gender equality, but some people seem to feel it is. It's a lifestyle choice, often based upon the actual natural personality of the people involved. So long as everything is carried out safely, sanely and consensually and to the mutual benefit of both partners, it can be a truly rewarding experience.

Add: Sorry, I've been with the same man for 3 years and don't want to change that :).

It's not for me and it's not something I would ever want to do. But if other people get pleasure from it, I see no reason to be "against" it or anything else that consenting adults do in privacy; as long as they take all the appropriate precautions.

However, I do have a problem with 24/7 BDSM relationships. As far as I'm concerned, that's just a "politically correct" term for an abusive relationship.

Feminists are under the impression that it's considered "weakness" to obey your master.

But its NOT.

Even in ancient / age-old martial arts training....

It's NOT considered "weakness" to obey your master.

This is why feminists are desperately confused and cry "sexism" when men say things like: "shut up and get back to the kitchen and make me a sammich".

..... because they don't see the tremendous VALUE in it.

If women like this actually DID shut up and get back to the kitchen and made a sammich, not only does it make a happy home life, but it would actually SAVE LIVES and women wouldn't get themselves (and others) into situations like THIS:

http://www.nypost.com/p/news/local/bronx/justice_h...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KgxwPU0W-Wg

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ln4oM1xrwnw

http://www.collegehumor.com/video:1925223

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DJVBsUX-zCM

That's right fellows and gents. Ask any dog trainer and he can tell you that "a b*tch will get really uncomfortable when she doesn't feel the end of her leash". The same is true for women in a figurative way. Women will initiate over 72% domestic violence BECAUSE they need - and obviously WANT - to feel the end of their leash.

Each of their lives would be SO MUCH BETTER (and they could even avoid prison!!) if they saw the value in shutting up and getting back to the kitchen and making a man a sammich.

Example:

Recently a woman once asked me for help to set up and install a DVD player. She started asking me the typical female questions like "will this work if I push the wrong button???". So I told her to shut up and do exactly what she was told. And she did! And it turned ME on! And it turned HER on! And it even turned the DVD player on!!

These kinds of relationships WORK and are better for EVERYONE.

Feminists do not see the value in this and that's why they are miserable failures in their relationships and personal lives.

@Serena - email me sweetie. We need to chat!