yes, it is a baby shower question. second baby, shower or no?

Question

This is my third pregnancy, but I had a miscarriage last time. I am only 4 weeks, and havent told my family and friends because of the fear of another. so i have months and months to think still.

with my first, i had a 4D ultrasound for my shower. i dont have a lot of firends, so it was an intimate gathering with my family, and my husband's female relatives. it was small but wonderful.

I am thinking about this pregnancy. For my little girl, i was living with my family (I had just got out of the military) but now I am 5 hours away. The MIL is 3 hours, so is the step MIL. all 3 grandmas are opposite directions. I dont know how I feel about another shower. I dont have friends here, but would like to do something similar to last time.

My sister in law is 22 weeks now. Her mom offered to do her baby shower, she declined. I saw how it made everyone feel that she doesnt want us in "her pregnancy" and i dont want to do that.

My mom is in Indianapolis, MIL is in Kansas City MO, and step MIL is in Sioux City. I live, um, in a corn field, an hour and a half north of Des Moines. So to do the ultrasound I would have to drive 1.5 hours each way. 

Is there some compromise I am missing? I dont want my mom to drive 5 hours each way to only have a shower that lasts an hour. And who do I ask to plan it? I was at home last time, but my mom had me do the planning and she paid the bill. this time I dont want to plan anything. I'd prefer the MIL to do it, and she would be glad to, but then my mom would have a 3 hour drive and the MIL wouldnt. i dont want to hurt my mom's feelings about it either.

im so confused. i know i have a long time to think about it, but its on my mind today. any opinions for me? or is there something else fun we can do for a shower? sitting around playing silly traditional games isnt my style, and i only have family to invite, about 5 people max.

Mom to Leah and Adam · Accepted Answer

I recommend a "fill the freezer shower"-family and close friends can bring iin frozen meals for you to thaw so you'll have less to worry about with a little one and new baby, and/or diapers. We did one for my neighbor, we did it as an open house from like 1-3 so there weren't games and people could come and go as they liked and we had food set out like quiche, bacon, nuts, cake, cheese ball,etc.
It was really nice. Some people don't get a second shower-there's this idea that you only get one. While I agee you get a lot of big ticket things with your first that you don't need again, like car seats and cribs, etc., I do think every baby should be celebrated and what mommy doesn't need diapers or food? Good Luck!

Anonymous · Answer

Instead of doing a shower, I would just try to get everyone to come to the hospital when you have the baby, or try to have a get together at your home about a month after the baby is born. This way the out of towners get to see the baby instead of just you being pregnant. I dont mean to say its not a special time when you are pregnant, but with everyone being so scattered it would be better to wait to have a get together until after the baby is born. (Im sure they'll bring presents for the little one even though you are not labelling it as a shower)

Anonymous · Answer

If someone offers to throw you a shower, then that is fine.  Otherwise, just put it out of your mind.  All my family lived several hours away when I was pregnant with my 1st, so I didn't have a shower.  I wouldn't have expected anyone to throw me one in that situation anyways.

Anonymous · Answer

I would say just get together for a day and do something fun with them. It doesn't have to be a baby shower.

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yes, it is a baby shower question. second baby, shower or no?

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