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pat
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pat asked in Arts & HumanitiesPoetry · 1 decade ago

is this poem too presumptuous or arrogant or am I being hard on myself?

“Sea of Galilee.”

Waters that cleansed the Son of Man

falls on my hand

the rhythm of the rain

flows in the blood of my veins

I am the river

I fill and feed the saltine Sea

And the infant at its mothers breast

is nourished from Galilee.

~ Patsy McAuley

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  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    certainly not pretentious, however, i think it lacks depth. and the end rhymes don't quite work. I think the last part would make a great start.

    I see it like this:-

    I shall fill and feed the saltine Sea

    and be provider for all the needs

    Like an infant at its mothers breast

    of all those nourished from Galilee.

  • Hilary
    1 decade ago

    I don't see this as presumptuous at all.

    note: consider adding 2+ lines after "I fill and feed the saltine Sea"

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