New Poem, what do you think?

I just checked out your other poem, "The Path," which was also very good, just like this one. I just have a few findings that might help you flesh this one out, if you want.

As with the other poem, your rhyme scheme is nice, but a little erratic. If you don't care about the rhyme scheme that's great, but usually if a poem rhymes, it will have a scheme to it otherwise it leaves the reader feeling a bit jostled. Your poems don't have to rhyme to create the images you're going for, you might even have more room to grow if you chose not to rhyme, but anyway,

scheme for this one: a,b,b,c,b,c d,e,d,f,f,d g,h,i,j,j,k <---you can see what I mean about it maybe leaving the reader feeling a bit off, to have the first stanza dictate the scheme at hand, the other 2 stanzas should use the same scheme to keep the flow right, otherwise it just comes out feeling jumbled together. Not that your poem feels jumbled together, I think it's beautiful, I just have a few suggestions, if you don't mine a critique from a fellow poet.

What is this?

What can it be

This darkness washing over me

Pulling at my fraying seams <---love this image here, but use a more descriptive word like "tugging" or "gnawing," or even "yanking" even though that's a little more violent, just to add some more imagery to your poem.

In disgusting lovely

Horror dreams <---I would suggest changing "horror" to "horrid," and throw in some comma's, between "disgusting" and "lovely," and between "lovely," and "horror" or Horrid, if you choose to change it.

*Another tidbit, you don't have to capitalize the first letter of each new line, try only capitalizing them when you've put an actual period at the end of the previous sentence, that way it will read better and it won't seem like each new line is a new sentence. To the eye, the capitalized letter makes it look like a new sentence, even if there isn't a period at the end of the previous line, that causes the reader to pause their reading through the lines, and it makes the poem sound a little jagged to them.

The pit inside

An aching gnaw <--- try a more descriptive word than "aching," it's not a bad descriptive word, but for it to be describing "gnaw," it just doesn't do it justice. Give "gnaw" an adverb that has the same feel, you think of some sharp jagged teeth gnawing and ripping at your seems, try to find a word that fits with that image, "aching" is just too mild.

An overlapping tide <--- Another nice image, but still, could be fleshed out to be a bit more descriptive, is the water calm within this tide? are the waves rippling or frothy?

Rushing churning

A fresh new wound to add the burning <---the "churning" is more of what I would like to see in the line above, it's the perfect descriptive word for the tide, anyway, this line confused me a bit. "A fresh new wound to add the burning"....should it be "to add TO the burning"? the burning being the narrator's heart, or at least what's left of it? Or the emptiness inside

Learning daily to abide. <---what is learning daily to abide, the burning? if so, there needs to be something else to uses instead of "the burning" because unless it's meant to symbolize something the narrator is battling with, the reader can't be sure of what the burning is, or who/what is learning to abide....it's a neat few lines, but they're a little confusing in tone/image.

Will it fade?

Will time pour out its portent? <--- had to look that one up, "portent," an indication or omen of something about to happen, esp. something momentous. I like the phrase "will time pour out..." but I'm not sure "portent" is the word you want here. I think I see what you're going for, but such an obscure word will only confuse your reader...if time is pouring out something important to the narrator's soul or happiness, then we need something that will get that image across without making the reader have to pick up the dictionary. Not that that's a bad thing, words we don't use all the time - or even know - are good once in a while to freshen up the brain and to teach us new words, but I'm not sure that "portent" is the right one for this line....

Full of mercy, full of grace? <---this just sounds like you're reciting a religious poem or something, like your priest told you to say ten hail mary's or whatever. If that's what you were going for, then great...

Will it weave a tender thing…

Will love take me under wing? <--- these two lines made me cringe, not because they're bad, because they're not, they're far from it, but they're jumpy, jagged to the eye. You have it asking a question about if it will or will not weave something, and then you stuck "tender" in there, which is a nice touch, but then you just left it hanging there with "thing," did you lose your thought at that moment? It happens to all of us. You're sitting there, got a great idea for a line or an image in your head, and as you're typing it out, poof, it's gone, and you're left with h

For me a poem has to have rhythm. It does not inevitably would desire to rhyme even nonetheless it needs to hit my thoughts. i think of readability of expression is important besides. i do no longer prefer to 2nd guess what i'm analyzing approximately. I continually seem for what I term "poetic gem stones"interior the text fabric.

Well, that includes so much emotions!!! I love it!!

But i have to say, i always like poems that have a story rather than focus on emotions... but you totally made this one work...

Please review mine

http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=ApOxx...

GET THAT SUCKA' PUBLISHED! WOW! THAT'S GREAT AND I'M NOT EVEN KIDDING YOU! Did you really write that? are you professional? wowee...

its amazing and it seems like you really put alot of thought into it..i really liked it