Another poem, kindly give feedback?

I can’t beg

And you can’t feel

Something that just isn’t real <---after these first three lines, I got the feeling this poem is about unrequited love, or a love that isn't in love with you anymore.

I look in your eyes

But all I see

Is nothing staring back at me. <--- I'm liking the rhyme scheme, it's got a nice beat to it, but I think you might have lost it near the end. Again, this whole first stanza makes me feel that the speaker is someone who's husband/wife has stopped showing them love, or who has grown cold towards them.

And so I walk away

A barren road

Littered with a thousand shades of grey <----I like the image of the barren road, I just think the use of "a thousand" is too much of a hyperbole, maybe try a smaller number, such as 1 or 200, or try to find out the exact number of shades of grey that the human eye can distinguish (nobody said that poetry didn't require a little research here and there)

The stars above will be my guide

Because the sun has died behind <--- your rhyme scheme seems to skip up here, I think you should eliminate the word "behind" that would leave this line ending in "died" which would give you a scheme of: a,b,b,c,d,d e,f,e,g,g,d,d

*Also, these 2 lines are fine, but maybe they could use a little more imagery in them to "spice" them up, like, how has the sun died, was it blown up, incinerated, burned out? And the stars, how will they guide you? Like they guide sailors at sea, like you're following the north star, or is it something more magical in them that is guiding you?

As the road ahead of me <---I would change "as" to "And" (don't worry if your teacher told you to never start a sentence with "and", this is poetry, we break the rules).

Grows darker with uncertainty. <---I like this line the most because every body's future is uncertain, and your narrator is walking into their future, leaving their loved one behind, and yeah the future can be dark because you don't know what it hold for you, but it could also be bright and light, if your optimistic of the future, hopeful, and I think that if this poem is about what I think it's about, then this narrator who's finally gotten the courage to walk away from this unhappy love affair, should perhaps be looking at this road ahead of him with a bit more optimistic tone? Just a thought.

Wow, I really like that. I think that everyone can relate in some way to this. Also, the emotions this conjures up are powerful, you get the sense of fear, anxiety then pain with fear. Superb!

By the way, I think the ending was as good as can be. It left you with all the emotions still intact.

Try mine? http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=AhVo5...

This isn't a poem, it's actually lyrics to a really nice ballad that's yet to have the score written. Get yourself a guitar, my friend. I can already tell you that it's in A minor.

Very nice work.

1st of al u choose 2 examine ur spelling. 2d, u choose 2 be certain that each and every thing is going at the same time. 2 u it may make experience yet while u choose a broader purpose audience you ahve to make it sound extra attainable, provide us something to narrate to. it may nonetheless be cognitive yet determine it relatively is clever to the reader who does not kno what ur attempting to declare....i dont like ln a million, 6, and 7 does not is clever till u substitute it to "so do i"

It's full of feeling and I suppose there would have been a lot of thought involved with this. Great work!

that's deep. lol

i bet that took awhile to come up with.

it's very creative, my english teacher would love you.

haha.

pretty good but try to make your ending a bit stronger.

Who is this for or what is this about???

i rlly like it..very deep and well written

IT'S REALLY GOOD!!! I'LL GIVE YOU 10/10!! WOW, UR REALLY CREATIVE!! GREAT JOB! =)