How to figure who pays for the wedding (groom family has $, while brides family does not?

How do you know what his parents can afford? Unless his parents openly discuss their finances with everyone, you shouldn't assume that they (or anyone for that matter) have the finances to foot the bill. They may, they may not. You don't know their budget or bills/obligations, their son may not even know. Things are not always as they seem.

There really is no "tradition" or "customary" anymore when it comes to wedding planning and paying. Most couples these days, pay for their own wedding.

If his family, or her family wants to help that is great, but there shouldn't be an expectation or an obligation, and this should be something they should "offer" not be asked for.

Friend needs to come up with a budget that she and FH can do within their means, then go from there, this may or may not include being able to invite 200 guests. The budget will be the biggest factor in how many people you have, the more people the higher the cost is.

Depending on your location and the costs of venues, food, etc 200 could be anywhere from $3000-10,000+. $3,000 in most cases can be unrealistic but people have pulled it off.

I realize as being her friend and MOH you're trying to help her which is great, but the finances are things that she should discuss first with her FH and then with their families if needed.

Basically, they need to stick with something realistically they can do within their means, without going into debt (and especially someone else) for it. If they can't take care of theirselves, they shoudln't expect someone else to.

On a side note, why are you planning the bulk of the wedding? I l realize you are MOH, and while I'll appreciate all the help I could get from my MOH, it would be up to me to plan my wedding and do what I wanted not what someone else thought, though all ideas would be up for consideration if reasonable.

This isn't a rude answer, its an honest one.

"I feel that if the grooms father can afford it, he should offer but he needs to be let in on the issues of the money."

How do you know what the groom's father can afford? Are you privy to their personal finances?

Your friend cannot legitimately be planning to have a large wedding without knowing the budget. If she does not know, then she cannot plan. And it's the groom's parents' business if they wish to offer financial assistance. It is NOT mandatory that parents pay for their children's weddings. If two adults want to get married, it's their choice, and they should assume that it will also be their expense. If parents help, then they're lucky.

Regardless, none of this is your concern. It's between the bride, the groom, and their parents. No one else. So remove your nose from the business in which you stuck it.

PS... Minding your own business IS constructive criticism, sugar.

traditionally the bride buys her gown..her parents pay for the reception venue/food and booze....the groom pays for the use of the church and the officiate's fee...the bride buys the groom's ring, the groom buys the bride's ring...the bride's father pays the photographer, the groom's family buys the flowers, sometimes the booze, the groom's family gives the rehearsal dinner, a friend or bridal party members host the bridal shower, the groom pays for the honeymoon.

That is old time tradition...this does not hold true today.

Today, especially with couples living together when way back when they stayed under their parents' roof until they married, the couple have been increasingly obligated to pay for their own wedding.

If parents wish to pay for it or contribute, they may BUT it is voluntary...

They don't HAVE TO.

IF THE GROOM'S FAMILY DO NOT OFFER...then they have no intention of helping and there is nothing that can be done unless you want to start a feud.

It is also NOT YOUR PLACE to approach anyone on who is paying for what.

What YOU feel with regards to financing this wedding does NOT matter...not your place to feel or comment on that.

All you can do is wait until the couple determine who will help financially and take it from there.

If her parents choose to take on debt to pay for their daughter's wedding, then they are following the traditional route and that is none of anyone's concern, Hon...especially yours.

So tell the bride she & her guy must determine where the funds will come from and how much the budget is..until then, planning has to wait.

Traditionally, the bride's family paid most, if not all of the wedding expenses. Today, that really doesn't hold true anymore. More and more couples are getting married later in life after they're already established in careers of their own.

I work as a bridal consultant, and this is an issue that your friend and her fiance really need to figure out before any planning can occur. What I suggest to my brides is for the couple to meet with each set of parents and find out exactly what their financial plans are for the wedding. If they have $$ themselves, that's great. What the best thing is is for each set of parents donates a certain amount of $$ into the wedding fund, and allow the bride and groom to spend it however they wish. That rarely happens though. Usually is you'll have a MOG saying they'll cover the rehearsal dinner and alcohol at the wedding, and the POB saying they'll cover reception expenses. But, they need to get dollar amounts from these people, they need a hard and fast budget to stick to. It's really one of the first questions I ask brides when they come in to select their dresses, is what their budget is for the dress.

And while I can appreciate your feelings on the subject since you're closer to the bride's family and all, it's not your place at all to suggest to anyone that the groom's family should pay the bulk of the expenses. Let them figure this one out on their own.

Just make certain that the bride does follow correct etiquette in invitation wording. If both sets of parents contribute financially to the wedding reception expenses, then they are co-hosting the event, and the invitation needs to reflect that appropriately.

"Mr. and Mrs. Brides parents

and

Mr. and Mrs. Grooms parents

request the pleasure of your company

at the marriage of their children

Brides full name

Groom's full name"

etc. etc.

Good luck!

Hun it isn't anyone's responsibility to pay for the wedding other than the people whose wedding it is. The brides parents might be offering to pay but they do not need to and it isn't her issue if they go into debt since they aren't forced to pay. Also telling the groom's parents they have to pay is extremely rude. She needs too trim down that guest list if she cannot afford a huge wedding. Inviting 200 people is going to be costly and she and her fh are going to have to do some serious planning if they expect to have a wedding that size on a budget.

The bride and groom pay for the wedding. The finances of their parents (which I agree are nobody's concern but theirs) have nothing to do with it.

The bride's family or the groom's family may offer to pay for some things, or pay for the whole thing but it is not a requirement and should definitely not be expected or asked for.

Your friend should plan for the dream wedding within *her* budget.

It's one thing if the groom's family offers to help but it would be completely inappropriate for her or her fiance to solicit money from his family to pay for their wedding. Realistically her and her fiance should be paying for the wedding and her family shouldn't be made to feel like it is their responsibility. If they can't afford a wedding for 150-200 guests then they need to cut it back to what they can afford.

ETA- nobody is making rude comments. The budget for the wedding should be what the couple themselves can afford to pay.

While tradition is the Brides family pays for the wedding but that is old and outdated. The only people who have to pay for a wedding is the couple themselves. Sometimes family members offer to help offset the costs of the wedding. Aunts, grandparents and parents alike have been know to help a wedding but none of it should ever be expected.

If you want to help, you should mention that it would be rude for her to solicit either set of parents for the money and if she needs help bargain-hunting or establishing the budget between herself & her fiance that you will be there for her and are more than happy to assist.

You're wrong. The only people who are obliged to pay for the wedding is the two people getting married. Either family can offer assistance, but that would be very generous and not required. It would be rude to expect money from anyone.