Having a really great life, except for marriage...?

The relationship is inequitable because you're making it inequitable.

It was equitable when he asked you to cook and clean up. It became inequitable when you did it.

It was equitable when the apartment was messy. It became inequitable when you cleaned it by yourself.

It was equitable when he went out with two girls. It became inequitable when you didn't go do what you wanted to do yourself.

When you behave like a door mat, people tend to treat you like a door mat. The solution to this is to stop behaving like a door mat.

Erm... it really sounds like he didn't want to marry you.

He's certain taking you for granted now.

Also, if he married you just so you could get a Visa or if that's how you approached it with him... that may have grossly turned him away from you and he may have just married you as a favor.

"He sits home all day because his job is online."

That's a bad attitude. If he's making money that pays the bills then he's making money that pays the bills. It's not "sitting at home" with the implication that he is 'doing nothing'.

Does it pay or does he just make pocket money and isn't really paying bills?

No kids = move on.

If you really, really want to try to save things you can try but it's a lot of work and there's hardly any guarantee that he will change. He has to want to.

The 'Dance' book is essentially about being assertive. That's the 'best way' to tell him what you need without making his defensive. (This is a very feminine perspective on the topic, written by a woman with women as the target audience.)

The 'Seven' book covers the same topic but is specific to marriage (and is a rather masculine perspective on the topic.)

The 'Needs' book is a very masculine perspective on marriage and bullet points key ingredients that men and women find missing in their martial lives.

If I were in your shoes I would be very hurt that he went out with 2 other girls and left me home alone. We'd be arguing over that & I'd let him know that's not cool and if he wants to be married, he needs to start acting like it. I wouldn't be "you hurt me." I'd be like " you pissed me off & who the hell do you think you are." I don't think men respond well to the "hurt game" so I say give 'em the "mad as hell game" instead. He knows that's wrong and doesn't need you to tell him it hurts you. You just need to tell him that that's the last time he pulls that crap. Some things you talk out. Some things you lay down the law. On this issue, you be the one to tell him what time of day it is.

In terms of the meals & household chores just tell him that you're not working 12 hours and then coming home to make dinner AND that he needs to step up to the plate and make dinner. You also need to come up with a system to divide the chores more evenly. I wouldn't make this about how you feel. I would focus on the problem and solution. You should be able to talk about these problems.

In terms of the ring and the past, that's ancient history & your best bet is to let it go. On some level we pretty much all love ourselves more. I know that sounds cynical but I think it's true. In terms of not getting support, if you don't feel heard then you need to speak up. Then again, you can't expect everything you say or every concern you have to be shared by your husband. I just don't think that's realistic.

All marriages are work and everyone lets you down at some point. If he loves you then you should be okay but that doesn't mean you put up with any baloney like him ditching you for the other women. I'd make clear that's the last time he's pulling that crap & coming home to a wife. Good luck!

Honestly, what would you tell a girlfriend of yours who was married to a man like this? Someone who knows things bother you and keeps doing them, puts going out with other women before you, and has the nerve to treat you like a slave while he lounges about on the PC is not a good catch.

You have a lot of positives going for you. You will be able to be independent, are obviously smart, and have wonderful friends. Now, all you need to do is stop being a pushover. Find an apartment, or maybe room with a friend for a bit. Then find a divorce attorney. This man is not worth the tears you shed for him.

Well, this is a problem. You married a guy who won't change! However, you married a guy who should never have to change. I mean he has a stable (yet dysfunctional) character that has not wavered. You married him before you should have and it is now coming back to haunt you. I guess if I were a jerk and wanted to hurt my fellow man I would recommend a threat of deportation on grounds of fraudulent matrimony. Get his Visa revoked. That will get him to shut up and listen.

You have to come to the realization that you are the only one IN this marriage. This is not what husbands do. Going out with 2 girls instead of being with you? He does not care that he is hurting you, he is living his own life, his way. I do not see you anything more than a room mate with benefits at this point.

Finish your schooling, find your self someone else who is worthy of you, and kick this one to the curb, life is so very short. You need to find your happiness, and this guy is not it.

Sounds to me he doesn't wanna be married but he wants a maid to clean after him I would just get a divorce its obvious he thinks about himself and not you his sitting his *** at home doing nothing I don't see why do you bother cooking for him that's why he has hand to do it himself his gonna continue doing this because you are letting him go out have fun don't worry about him just like his not worrying about you

Talk about your feelings. Don't talk about what he does but how you feel when he does something. He will get the message that he is hurting you. If that doesn't work, then he doesn't care.

Go out with guy friends. Don't clean the house for him. Duh.