I'M DEVASTATED...My husband is moving to Florida with his mother?

It breaks my heart to hear your story. Your husband is a man who does not think of you the way a husband should think of his wife. A husband should love, honor and cherish his wife above all others. He should respect her and include her in any major decisions he makes.

You have done so much for him and endured so much heartache. Then, after all you did for him, he left you without even including you in the conversation. You are at a stage in your life where you should be able to enjoy life and feel free to explore yourself and the world around you. You married a man who took advantage of you and then left you with all the bills. There is no excuse for what he is doing to you.

He most certainly will come back to you when he needs sex or whatever else he can get from you. Do not allow this man to suck any more of the love and life out of you.

You need to free yourself from this man, his mother and all of their problems. You are not responsible for him or his mother. He obviously took advantage of you in ways that are so selfish and cruel. He sucked you into this mess at a time in your life when he needed someone to bail him out. You were vulnerable and he took advantage of your kindness.

Don't listen to those who try to somehow make you the bad person here. You have done nothing wrong. You have loved the only way you know how and that is a beautiful thing. I don't think anyone can love too deeply. You have been blessed with a big and loving heart. There are not enough people in the world who have a beautiful spirit like you. Don't let this man ruin the love in your heart.

Something doesn't add up here whatsoever and a man who is married doesn't just pull something this big without consulting his wife. Since you can swing it all alone let it go and see him off for now until you figure out what you want to do over some time. If his mother living with you didn't help enough he's really going to a pathetic extreme to move where she wants next. Let him go and see what kind of tatters he comes home in or if he moves on to somebody else.

Edit:

One thing I have noticed is that you lost a husband fairly recently and married this man in a hurry. Now you have found this man has some tendencies that don't make sense and a mother with questionable problems. Perhaps you should examine why you are clinging so tight to men and mention your sex life as though it pertains to your happiness and compatibility. Maybe you should discuss your relationships with men and conflicts with your husband with a psychologist. He may be able to pinpoint your clinginess and need for a man around even though the man isn't wrapped too tight.

Diane, I am so sorry to hear about your situation! I know you haven't been married that long ago, and I feel your pain. Yes, unfortunately, blood is thicker than water, but I have never heard of a case where the spouse would leave his/her spouse to stay with an ill or aged member of the family.

If you say everything is super between your husband and yourself, maybe there is a chance he will be back after his mother's passing. Did he express the desire to have had you with him move there? I cannot answer fully as I am not him nor you, but I really do think that you should talk with him. Ask him "is it over for ever"? Ask him "should we move on"? Cause one thing you don't want to do, especially since you are no longer in your twenties, no offense, is to wait for someone or something, when in the other person's mind, there is no going back. Talk to your husband to get to the bottom of this.

Good thing you have some friends to hang out with to help ease your pain. If I can help, you can write to me.

God bless. I'll keep you in my prayers.

Do not take over his mortgage - that would be stupid given the circumstances!

It seems that is has cracked under the pressure, he is blaming you because it is easier then to blame his mother (who it seems to me is the real problem here), sadly he has this all the wrong way round, he should be putting her in a home (which would alleviate a lot of stress) instead of moving with her, he will soon find that his stress levels aren't any better as he will be stuck with one person day in day out and pretty much in the house all day every day.

You have to be practical, how long are you willing to wait? Do you even want him to come back?

Give yourself a cut off date and if he still isn't back you file for divorce. Yes it may hurt but you could find even once his mother has passed on that he still doesn't come back to you.

Make sure any money you spend on the house for mortgage payments and repairs are logged and you have receipts to prove where the money went. Try to dig out proof that the money from the sale of your house went to him too. It may seem cold but you have to protect yourself, he is no longer putting you first remember.

oh crumbs

this sucks

you know all about your man's mothers illness

and your man was sucked into this long before you came along

for a while you gave him some respite

but for now this ilness has removed him into it's unreality again

i am so sorry

his reality is not the one you live in

maybe when she finally dies

and he gets over it all

he'll be able to see it for what is was...which is one huge pile of cards...that will fall

until then all I can hope is that you have friends around you who understand

with broad shoulders for you to cry on

and big hearts to overflow into yours and fill you up when you feel all wrung out

i hope you find one thing to smile at each day

and one friend to help you every day

It all about reality and unreality

keep your feet on the ground

in reality

and step this one out

everyday

hugsxx

Aw man, he likes those apron strings a lot.

This sounds harsh, but since he has shown you his intentions, follow them: don't pay the mortgage that's in his name, move out and file for separation. He married you, not his mother. It's time to change your 'boundaries' to where they really needed to have been all along: you should be the number one woman in his life. If his mom's that mentally ill, a hospital's the place for her, not at home with her son playing nurse while ignoring his wife.

It's not your responsibility to alleviate his pain. He caused this by not caring for his mom by hiring help or addressing her mental health problems. He doesn't "owe" her his entire life, he owes her the respect of making sure she is medically treated for her disorders.

Also, sex is not love. it's an expression of it sometimes, but it's also sometimes just sex. That's a reality, even in marriage.

You deserve better than this, so go be single for a while so you're open to it when the time is right!

This is a very distressing situation from every angle. His mother is mentally ill. This means irrational. Meaning her behaviors does not make logical sense. You have dealt with her, but you have not loved her your whole life. His heart is breaking to see his mom deteriorate, he is making rash choices. He has been caught up in her irrationality--it is called codependency and it is a real mental sickness in it's own right.

You did not cause it, you can't control it, you can't cure it.

When you added how you would not interfere in your children's marriages, I realized that you were applying rational, logical, healthy parameters to your mother-in-law's requests. She is none of those things, you started your question with the laundry list of her mental illnesses. You did not add what is probably true at 82, a touch of age-related dementia.

My point is, your husband is clearly getting very fearful that his mother's days are numbered. In his anxiety, he is acting out. It may be a while before he is more clear-thinking about this.

This sounds horrible for you, and I have some empathy. My husband has developed general anxiety and when he lost his job last year, he just ran away to from USA back to Europe-- and we have a small child. It took about 8-10 months before my husband calmed down enough to see what he had done to us. Now, he has begun to see a counselor and we are working on terms of reconciliation. But I still feel a thorn in my heart, even if I know he was not thinking straight at the time.

Hugs to you. Hang in there, he loves you; however he is not emotionally available to you, right now.

Addition:

If she is as intelligent and manipulative as that, it still does not change that she is mentally ill. Malignant maybe the right word, and she has sucked her son into it. He probably has struggled his whole life to differentiate from her. None of those facts change the fact that HE is a sick co-dependent, addicted to his mom's approval, and is emotionally unavailable to you. Codependency is not rational. She sounds like a histrionic narcissist, when they get old they transfer all there focus to their children. Narcissists are real live emotional vampires. Look it up.

Again, this is very sad. You were betrayed by her. Are you in U.K.?

Seems like there's something more to it than that- is he gay? Cheating? Sorry to bring it up- but he's leaving something out. Move on- don't take over his mortgage. You can do better than him. Start a new life- sounds like you're a great person- you'll find someone who deserves you and will treat you better. Good luck.

Sorry to be harsh but wake up adn smell the coffee! As his wife he is suppose to put you before all others. He is not doing that and thus demonstrating that you will never come first. Do not take over his mortgage.

When you are 82 what will/would you want your kids to do for you ?

He's not dumping you, he's taking care of family business.

If you have the patience , he'll be back.

Edit: I agree with you, but I have heard waaay! too many mothers state one of the reasons for children is " Someone to take care of me when I'm old"

Don't for a moment think I don't sympathize, really.