What is an appropriate gift to give my husband's new girl friend for her birthday next week?

There was a great story of revenge circulating in email a few years ago; I was able to locate it:

I woman had been married for many years, and then discovered that her husband had a mistress on the side. She was devastated, but went quickly to revenge.

She spent the first day packing her belongings into boxes, crates and suitcases.

On the second day, she had the movers come and collect her things.

On the third day, she sat down for the last time at their beautiful dining room table by candle-light, put on some soft background music, and feasted on a pound of shrimp, a jar of caviar, and a bottle of spring-water.

When she had finished, she went into each and every room and deposited a few half-eaten shrimp shells dipped in caviar into the hollow of the curtain rods.

She then cleaned up the kitchen and left. When the husband returned with his new girlfriend, all was bliss for the first few days.

Then slowly, the house began to smell.

They tried everything; cleaning, mopping and airing the place out.

Vents were checked for dead rodents and carpets were steam cleaned.

Air fresheners were hung everywhere. Exterminators were brought in to set off gas canisters, during which they had to move out for a few days and in the end they even paid to replace the expensive wool carpeting. Nothing worked!

People stopped coming over to visit.

Repairmen refused to work in the house.

The maid quit.

Finally, they could not take the stench any longer and decided to move.

A month later, even though they had cut their price in half, they could not find a buyer for their stinky house. Word got out and eventually even the local realtors refused to return their calls.

Finally, they had to borrow a huge sum of money from the bank to purchase a new place.

The ex-wife called the man and asked how things were going.

He told her the saga of the rotting house. She listened politely and said that she missed her old home terribly and would be willing to reduce her divorce settlement in exchange for getting the house back.

Knowing his ex-wife had no idea how bad the smell was, he agreed on a price that was about 1/10th of what the house had been worth, but only if she were to sign the papers that very day.

She agreed and within the hour his lawyers delivered the paperwork.

A week later the man and his girlfriend stood smiling as they watched the moving company pack everything to take to their new home.........

And to spite the ex-wife, they even took the curtain rods!!!!!!

EDIT:

KIT KAT -- You have me rotfl! Very, very funny.

u can take her out for a candle light dinner u can give her a personalised accesory on which a photo of u both is printed(most photo studios do it) make something for her along with the gift,it could be baking a cake,her fav dish or a simple card. a bouqet of flowers with a box of chocs and a sweet note inside it. pretend that u've forgotten her b'day and at the end,give her the surprise...........

Be sure to write her a nice long letter telling her all of the signs to watch for so that when he decides to find someone new she'll be prepared and not shocked.

Oh, make sure you let he know of all upcoming family events so she'll know when she will be sitting home alone.

And, finally, better warn her about all of his most nasty and disgusting habits. Forewarned is forearmed, you know.

A box of hand dipped chocolate strawberries using Ex Lax of course.

I would suggest a scorpion pendant on a gold chain. You can find actual scorpions enclosed in clear lucite suitable for use as jewelry. I would suggest a big black one if you can find them.

You could use the smelly boxers as packing material.

Here is a website featuring the scorpions as I have described them. (Oh, I got stung by one last week.)

http://www.lucitetreasures.com/scorpions-in-lucite...

A pack of cigarettes, a pack of condoms, a "Congratulations on getting the clap" card, the smelly boxers, and a "I know you're a whore, but now your mom knows it too" button for her to wear proudly.

oooooh.... gift giving to man stealers are we? Hmmmmmm well, there are a few choices.... you could send her the kids old cloths and tell her they are for when the kids come visit her and your ex, but make sure they are not cleaned or pressed, very sticky and dirty....... you could use your lawyers bills as wrapping paper. Or you could buy her a one way ticket to shri lanka... its quite beautiful there and the Tigers, well, they just love American women..... or how about a free safari trip where you go through the hippos, you know how hippos are...... or just buy yourself a mani and pedicure and screw her!

I'm thinking dump all the kids on her for the weekend...do make sure the babby has diarrhea though...and some projectile vomiting would be good an' all.

Buy her the entire collection of the Golden Girls episodes.

Give her a universal remote and a subscription to ESPN.