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would you care to comment on this poem?
A BRIEF QUESTION FOR THE UNIVERSE’S CHIEF OF PROTOCOL
By C.S. Scotkin
When pain comes and visits
like a chain saw in a primeval wood
or like a flame thrower
in a garden filled with straw flowers,
is one obliged to be
a geisha with serenity
painted perfectly on her face,
ignore such dreadful manners
or should one ask the perpetrator
to leave…
You are right. A question mark would be better. You may teach me anytime. The more I learn, the more I find I have to learn. After a full 18 months of illness, surgeries, and finally retirement forced on me, I'll have the time to learn!
2 Answers
- 1 decade agoFavorite Answer
Your "pain" similes illustrate the horror of physical pain for the reader. The final question, personifying the "perpetrator" needs a capital letter, in my opinion, as well as a final question mark, rather than an ellipsis, which indicates that you have more to say. I find that this poem says what it needs to say and therefore should have a final stop.
I have said that I won't teach on this site, but since you and I are relatives, I make an exception for you. The poem is filled with metaphor and depth. Many newcomers will claim that they do not understand it.
I am especially delighted at your title. I believe that a title is the "hook" to catch hold of a potential reader.