Stepmom issues. What should I do?

Question

I am leaving for college on Sunday. I have been cleaning my room to get rid of clutter and junk before I go. I have taken out 8 full garbage bags and left for work one day with my room almost clean--just the top shelf of my closet was not sorted through. When I arrived home from work, everything from my closet was pulled out and on the floor with a note from my stepmom saying, "go through this." She has this nasty habit of going through and pulling everything out when she does not like how clean my room is, and I have told her and my dad many times that it makes me uncomfortable and that she should please tell me if she does not think it is clean enough. Well I told my dad she did it again and that I was upset, but I wound up putting everything back and going through that top shelf that I didn't before. He told me he didn't know she was going to do that and that she told him after she did it. I come home from work the next day and EVERYTHING in my room is on the floor. Everything from on top of my dressers, all my art supplies, all my clothes, everything from the closet that I JUST put back. She did not tell my dad before or after she did this. I asked him to come up to my room so I could show him and ask him why this had happened. She followed us upstairs (I did not ask to speak with her) and when I said, "If someone doesn't think my room is clean enough, I wish they would tell me instead of going through my personal belongings and dumping them on the floor." She started screaming in my face that I was a slob, I was lazy, she was tired of my bullshit. I kept saying "I don't want to talk to you right now. Please leave me alone." Finally she stormed out of my room, my dad followed, and I heard her yelling at him how I was "her problem." I was extremely stressed at this point, so I left the house to take a walk, despite her yelling "don't you dare leave this house!" after me.
I came back probably 20 minutes later and told my dad I was leaving to go to my mother's house. As I was bringing my bags of clothing and belongings to my car, my stepmom followed me, the whole time telling me I was "filthy and disgusting" and that I didn't "know anything about the real world". I left and went to my mom's.
Now my dad is telling me he thinks I should clean the room up. It was clean before she touched it and I don't think I should have to do it, especially after what happened. This is not the first time she has been abusive towards me (she has kicked me before and it was only with my father's wishes that I did not press charges--now I wish I had) and frankly I am tired of being treated the way I have been at that house.
However, my dad has some of my textbooks that I need for school and I am afraid he won't give them to me if I don't pick everything up. What should I do?

alialoggi · Accepted Answer

You talk to him and you tell him that you didn't make the mess, that she did, by putting all of your things on the floor.  You deserve some privacy and the fact that you were getting ready to move, tells me that she is causing trouble.  If you had left anything, after you moved, that would be different.  Point that out to him.  Tell him you just want your books and you will leave, which is what she wants from you anyway.  Its too bad that he can't stand up to her, over his own kid.

Pam · Answer

That is awful that you had to live through that, especially at this time when you're preparing to go away to college. It sounds like your father is a wimp around his wife and seems to choose her over you. What's worse is he allows her to verbally (and physically) abuse you right in front of him. You handled it well though.  It was a good move to go out for a walk and cool off and then go to your mom's house.

If at all possible, can you come "home" to your mom's house on holidays and not have to go back there?  I would have for you to have to return to this house.  About your books, simply show up WITH YOUR MOM, gather your books and leave! Since I have put two kids thru college, my heart breaks for you because life is tough enough without having your own parent watch as someone abuses you. What the hell is your father thinking and I wonder what your mom thinks about how she treats you. I hope this helps because you don't deserve the way they treat you at all.  Good luck.

Ms Pollyanna · Answer

Alright i am 53 years old so please listen to what i have to say to you, first call your father and tell him to bring you your books and what ever else you left behind. If he tells you no, then tell him you will call the police and they will escort you to his home to retrieve your things because by law they can not hold them since you did live there, and tell him that you are going forward to press changes after all If you don't get your items ASAP!. If they want to play hard ball then so can you, be stuff be brave and don't ever allow this awful, mean, wicked women to threat you like a door mat again! And shame on your father for allowing this to happen to his child! If i were you i would disown him as a father forever, fathers are suppose to protect there children and your father is a very poor example!

KiminFL · Answer

What a total B she is! Call your dad and tell him that you need the books for college. Also tell him that you are willing to talk to him but only if he will hear you out and not jump in defending her, if he yells, hang up. Explain to him that you already cleaned the room, but that you can be the bigger person and clean it again, but only if your step mom will not be there. If she will be, then forget, you have already cleaned it...more than once.

fox ln woods · Answer

For the text book, call your father and ask him to deliver them to you.
For your stepmother, she is playing a game. She wants you to leave so she can have the house for herself. You are over 18. You need privacy. She has no right to go into your room to touch your stuffs. Call the cops next time. Also, she has no right to yelling at you. It is mental/emotional abuse. A good parents help their kid, but yell. Don't let her won. Stay where do you like/want. Listen to some music. That will piss her off. :D

irishcelticeyes@sbcglobal.net · Answer

Sounds like you are glad you are leaving for college. Maybe you can call your dad and ask him if he can drop your text books off at your mom's house.  If he won't, is there a way maybe your mom can help you replace the books?  It sounds like you need to get away from your dad's wife for every.  Are you going to live at college?  If not...it does not sound like you need to return to your dad's house...just stay with your mother.

Forget the EVIL step mother and just have fun at college.  However, please call you dad sometimes...only if his wife does not answer the phone. 

No... your letter was not to long.

PL · Answer

I hate my stepmom with a burning passion, I know how you feel <33

Talk to your dad, and arrange to get the rest of your stuff while she is not home. If she is unemployed or stays at home a lot, be sneaky and have your dad plan to take her out or something so that you can run in and grab your stuff while they're out.

You're about to leave for college, so you don't have much longer to deal with it.  :)

iyamacog · Answer

I would call your dad, and ask if he would bring those items (books) that you will need for school....+ anything else that you want/need.  If you must get them yourself, ask him if you will need to come with support to get your belongings.  By support, you may need your mom + a police escort.  PLEASE ensure that you take ALL your stuff.  I wouldn't want to deal with her, EVER again!  Make it clear to your folks, how you feel.  There's absolutely no reason for the way she treats you.  And there's no reason that you should be treated so harshly.  It seems odd that your folks aren't completely resolving this issue.  If all you say is true, your step mom is being cruel and foolish.......♥♥

? · Answer

ok, nicely at first i will tell he probable won't respond to her because of the fact a million. She's no longer his organic mom 2. Becasue he may well be having hardship adjusting to seeing his father with yet another woman. If his mom lives in a distinctive place, or if he gets to verify her in basic terms on occasion, it may look to him like he's maximum acceptable 2 lives, subsequently inflicting hardship for him to modify. mothers and dads no longer residing mutually could make your son sense distinctive with you and your spouse than while he's along with his mom. i might ought to understand greater approximately this concern to grant you greater advice He probable will open as much as her in time....enable him come to her. you need to purpose to speak with him and ask him what the concern is with him and your spouse. i'm exceedingly particular they gets alongside in time

AaronB · Answer

Sorry you have a stepmom from hell.

Move back in with your mom. If your dad has full custody (are you under 18?)have your mom file for emergency or temporary custody. This IS child abuse-yelling at you and calling you names. Your dad allowing it to happen is child abuse. I'd stay with mom for awhile and disengage from dad. Tell him that you will have a relationship with him when he rearranges his priorities as to who is more important, his flesh and blood or his wife.

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Stepmom issues. What should I do?

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