Is tradition all or nothing?

Depends on the tradition in question.

If the tradition is taking part in someone else's religious ritual, for instance, you will usually want to keep 100% with tradition. This is because it's a matter of joining in with others, who have established ways of practicing.

There are also some rituals, again, usually when dealing with religion or such, where the only POINT in engaging in the tradition at all, is to celebrate that particular meaning, otherwise there's no point.

On the other hand, a lot of "traditions" simply are hand-me-downs from another time, and we only do them a certain way because of the traditional definition.

MARRIAGE is a good example of this. Just because marriage has many traditional aspects doesn't mean a union HAS to be "traditional" in all respects. There are certain societal and legal definitions which dictate what a marriage, per se, is, but those are the only requirements for calling it a "marriage", as per the definition of the word and the legal definition. Otherwise you can still have a civil union and just forget the term "marriage".

Another example of traditions varying is holiday celebration. Some people have their own interpretations on what to do or have their own family traditions.

But, to answer your example, I feel marriage is certainly one of those things which doesn't need to be "all or nothing". Not by any means. In fact, it can't be TOO traditional, as laws don't allow for the ownership of another person - or bigamy. Marriage should simply be what the definition of the term is and what the law prescribes (as it comes to society's recognition, at least).

Usually those who want something "only traditional" are either mired in religious dogma OR they find the traditional notion to be of personal benefit to them (for instance, many men like "traditional" marriages, as it benefits them greatly, to the detriment of the woman - ESPECIALLY if the ONE tradition they choose to break is the second income)

No, tradition is not all or nothing. People make or keep traditions they way certain things fit into their lives. Traditions are personal and can be changed to fit each circumstance and individual. When two people get married they can do it the way they want as long as it's legal, and make new traditions.

What is all boils down to is......how much does one value the traditions that have been passed down from generation to generation. Some things are worth keeping.

Often, people will use the word tradition and cherry pick what they want. That's fine, but what happens when the other person cherry picks a tradition which the other partner absolutely doesn't like? Each person should accept the tradition the other chooses to follow. If not, then there should be some compromise.

The tradition of a woman taking the man's surname is a comparatively recent one, since surnames have only been common in Europe since about the 12th century.

And there is nothing particularly un-traditional about a second income in the household, for most of history women were expected to be economically productive in most marriages. But then most people used to work from home, on the whole.

I think traditions are more flexible than most people on here imagine. There is no reason why traditionss cannot be altered, they always have been.

In my family, it is a tradition to have little santa clauses around the house at Christmas time. I think they are stupid and creepy.

But, I do like putting up the pretty lights. :D

I think it's fine to start your own traditions.

For marriage, there would be some traditions I would embrace and reject. I'd do away with that not seeing the bride before the wedding thing. I'd get married outside somewhere beautiful, maybe overlooking a great lake or the sea. I'd not do the garter thing, but I'd probably toss a bouquet. I'd take my husband's last name as long as it wasn't uglybottom or something like that.

A great question, BTW. The thing is that we all should try to be happy in our own lives, according to our own values and common sense. Traditions, rituals and other people's opinions should be left to them to ponder upon. Your life is your own business, and opinions of others are simply inappropriate. My own mother did not change her name on her wedding day 45 years ago. And that fact did not make her a bad wife or a bad mother. She had made a choice, and never looked back. Some people are so attached to traditions and rituals that they fail to see the important things in life. Love, respect, sharing and caring about each other are some of the things all marrying couples should concentrate on. Everything else is a matter of choice and certainly is no one else's business. Congratulations sweetheart on your upcoming nuptials! May all of your dreams come true. Hugs.

Its wrong to use tradition to take advantage of people.

Some traditions are good.

A women isn't a sex object, nor is a man an ATM.

A man shouldn't expect to get sex after paying for dinner.

A women shouldn't expect a man to pay for dinner, or do nothing for the man during a date.

But frankly, my traditional Polish scalloped potatoes are going to stay just the way they are ;-)

*EDIT*

Also, just read your other Question,

If you pick and choose traditions that benefit you, and harm the other, that's wrong.

Also, I was thinking, Buying a ring, hosting a wedding, getting her a big dress are ways for the man to show the women his commitment to her, other than her last name, how does a women show commitment to him??? (traditionally)

*Edit*

Sam there are differences of cherry picking.

I have been on WAYYY to many dates where I HAVE to pay.

But she wont pack a picnic for the next date???

I think that's what a lot of men run into. Women cherry picking Traditions to take advantage of men (or situation). (I certainly doubt that you or FER do that)

But picking Traditions that seem right to you, Or tasty to me, I think is perfectly fine.

Welcome back - it's nice to see you home again! (gag later , Fereshte - about being home, I meant).

Gee, a complex question. I guess traditions are changing a lot to suit the times. I'd say, in fairness, that many men always wanted to have a bigger hand with their kids, but circumstances prevented that quite a lot. Way back when, men and family were pretty much in the same place, so were a lot closer.

I guess the other bits about marriage and pre-nups are just signs of the times. Will tradition survive? Who knows - maybe in some cultures.

Not much of an answer, but, oh, well.

I don't think tradition has to be, or should be, all or nothing. Not all traditions are worth carrying on just because it's how things have been for a long time. It's also not like every tradition has its basis in anything sacred or deeply moral. Taking a spouse's last name was a matter of practicality in that the woman had left her father's household and joined another, back in an era when women were far more dependent on men. Does it really matter if someone doesn't carry out that tradition? You're just as married. You love one another just as much. You're both still the same people and your family is just as unified.

Some people get a little too caught up in tradition, and then they can't see the forest for the trees. Traditions have their place but they aren't everything.

Wow, there are an awful lot of angry men about tonight. For a bunch of guys who pride themselves on not being emotional like women, they're sure having a hard time discussing a simple issue calmly and rationally.

EDIT

>LOL @BEC. Im not meaning to sound emotional or angry lol. don't take this as uncivil..

No, not at all! You hadn't even posted yet when I wrote that. It was all the other guys who got here before you...lotta rage. Probably some vodka involved, too.

Tradition and law are two separate subjects. Tradition is a matter of choice while law is not.

Women who marry in a white dress(tradition) are saying they are virgins. If you believe that demonstration of feminine virtue I'll sell you the Golden Gate bridge with a discount.