Delayed marriage - Is this just weird?

Question

Googling things like "postponing marriage" and "delayed marriage" seems to bring up either statistics or simplistic looking pages admonishing teens to look at more than sex and fuzzy feelings when choosing a life partner. I was hoping for some real-life stories. Little too much to hope for, I guess?

My fiance and I got engaged in December of 2008. I had started nursing school that fall, and I was going positively crazy with all the studying. Our plan was to get married after nursing school, "sometime". At one point we started tossing dates around, and eventually settled on 4/8/12 ('cause the sequence of numbers amused us).

However, as I'm approaching the end of my degree in nursing, and I'm thinking about going further with my education, I'm starting to look at the big picture. I've actually plotted out a 45 year savings plan for the two of us, so we have plenty to retire on, in addition to whatever job benefits, 401k/IRA whatever it is we have built up. 

Anyway, it's come to mind that my fiance probably won't get much, if any financial aid for his schooling if we're married and I'm making an RN's salary. Based on that, I asked him what he thought of postponing the wedding until after he finishes school, or at least gets his AA or AS or whatever, so now we're looking at sometime probably in 2015. 

So I guess my question is... are we that weird for being "engaged", but with such a very distant and not even set-in-stone wedding date? I'd love to just up and get married tomorrow, but I'm very conscious of practicality, and I see it as a choice between sinking several thousand dollars in debt on a wedding as well as sacrificing several thousand dollars of financial aid in the short term, versus postponing it and taking the time to both save up the money for a wedding, etc, and reaping the benefits of the financial aid.

So... are we really weird for looking at it that way?

Anonymous · Answer

Have you weighed the difference in what he will be losing against the tax benefits of filing as married?  What about sharing a health insurnace plan?  That can often save a considerable amount of money.  Not to mention survivorship benefits and estate planning and other financial transactions that heavily favor married couples.

I think if you really dig into it, you'll find that there isn't much, if any, financial benefit to staying single.  And having been married to someone who (at the time) made considerably more than I made when I was in college, I find it hard to beleive that he will lose that much financial aid... I certainly had no problem getting my financial aid covered by FASFA

Anonymous · Answer

Baby girl, I'm just like you. I'm 22, still a virgin- by choice(Not the purest of virgins however LOL)! It doesn't feel right to do it before marriage! Keep strong. It's a VERY wise decision.

Pixiep · Answer

Not at all, you are being very, very smart!  I honestly think that if you love each other and are going to get married whether you do it today or in 5 years doesn't matter.  It shows you trust in your relationship that you are willing to wait till it makes more financial sense.  I think if you felt you had to get married NOW that would mean you are insecure in the relationship. 

Do what you gotta do.  Your marriage will probably be happier if you don't go into debt because of it!

Anonymous · Answer

Baby girl, I'm just like you. I'm 22, still a virgin- by choice(Not the purest of virgins however LOL)! It doesn't feel right to do it before marriage! Keep strong. It's a VERY wise decision.

poorboy · Answer

yes u are wierd the longer u wait the more likely it will never happen

? · Answer

Why do you care what other people think? If you're not ready to get hitched, DON'T....

Trending News

Delayed marriage - Is this just weird?

6 Answers