Please Critique this poem and Tell me what you think?

It may be that I'm not as thorough, good at criticizing a poem, or have as good an opinion as the people who have already commented on your poem, but I personally thought it was great. I think you should keep writing and you may even have a bright future in writing poems. Keep up the good work. :)

Always observe the rules of grammar. Writing poetry is like preparing a tasty hamburger sandwich with egg, cabbage, tomato and cheese. Don't just dump in any idea. Have a theme. Organize your words and phrases. Your words don't have to rhyme but give them a rhythm so your reader will enjoy it.

Try cutting some phrases and compress your thoughts. Catch or give it a mood. If it's sad, use sad words; happy words for a happy mood. etc.

Practice and criticize your own work. I know you will improve.

The first rush of words as you write your poem could be thick, clogged and rather disorganized. But take a look at your work and select the best sounding ones and try to make it flow along a theme. Don't use overused words and expressions. Be simple but unique.

it seems like gothic and emotional type..but its okay!

i like it, it's kinda dark and edgy. it's great.

It doesn't even rhyme.

this is vomit.