Thomas

Meteors

Drifting through a hazy mist,

shadows of a darkened day.

As stars collide

our pathways twist,

it takes me very far away.

I follow fear.

The hollow sky

for us to share.

An empty tear

a last goodbye.

For you eclipse

catastrophe,

as stars ignite

I taste your lips.

I’m screaming through the atmosphere.

I’m not afraid

I don’t think twice.

I jump.

Dark clouds fade,

almost to my paradise.

Center mass, you take the hit

Reap the arid benefit

Your not a man

Certainly you had plenty lapse

Remedy alone as you collapse

Your not in control

Can't help but think your all alone

Resting in your barren home

Your not my father

Cry, Cry, Cry...

But I still love you...

Throughout all his days

He sees through the haze

Nodding away

Day by day

Holes in his memories

Half of his better days

He struggles to gasp

Heavy eyes roll in

This day is his last

But it is not grim

On feathers he lay

No thoughts to burden

Numb of the pain

Crestfallen eyes,

With just a glimmer of hope

No farewells

The holes are all whole

The days are his best

Pulse fades away

Now he can rest...

Just turned eighteen now I'm a man

Either get a degree

Or put a gun in my hand

Don't know what to be

My friends go off to war

I stay here at home

Wish I went with

Because now I'm alone

Am I even a man

Not even a plan

No gun on my back

I wave to my friends

For four years

I won't see them again

Don't shed a tear

For I am a man

They show no fear

So should I

Alone once again

Wondering why

I never pick up a gun

Or fought for the flag

The only one

To not pack his bag

Can't cry again

For a childhood friend

Lost in the war

Wish I was there

Lost to the war

Wish I was there...

My thoughts are heavy as concrete

Is it my mind, or just the heat

I've never felt this way before

I don't want to do this anymore

Wonder why I can't shack it off

Nobody else could break it off

Use to love to see your smiles

So far above,you must have been miles

Than anyone else I've ever been with

But I refuse to think that it's all a myth

Won't you come and walk with me

So harsh and humble you can be

Wish I could get out the words

Choked up, they fly with the birds

Yearning so much to tell her

I'm screaming, as loud as I can

She can't hear me, we never were

I'm screaming, until my lungs give

With this hole punched in my chest

I don't know how I use to live

Tearing up, I can't give it a rest

Wonder why I can't shake it off

She's the only one who could break it off

She's the only one

Who could break it in half...

Star lights whisper in the sky

Waiting for a wish

Before they burn up, so high

Tears dampen paper souls

Butterflies and black holes

Hoping for a beautiful end

Supernovas blend into the dark

Amongst all the black, its but a spark

Just remember it and cherish it

Hope for it and wait for it

Burst into flames, and show them the light

Or burn up in atmosphere, without a fight...

Open your eyes

Breathe in

As if every breath were your last

Cherish every moment

Friends and kin

Life consumes you too fast

Be inspired to inspire

Even when shoes

Cross a thin wire

Embrace every face

Every obstacle

Impossible

Improbable

Everything will be alright

Step forth

Open your sharpened eyes

As long as your heart beats

You will breathe the life in the skies

No more asking why's

Breathe

Jump...

My eyes burn and blur

They have for a while now

Insomniac, depressive, shut-in

And I wonder how

I go on knowing nothing

Anxiety at its worst

Rising to the top

Until your bubbles burst

So let shadows cut through me

Split me down the middle

All of you cannot see

Who this person really is

Wish I could go to sleep

Wish I could one day live

My mind is numb from thinking

Stress seems pouring out

Hollow eyed expressions

I wonder how I still walk about

I yearn to be engulfed by black

Huddle in my covers

Slip through histories cracks

No turning back

I want to jump

I'm so afraid

My heart is pounding

And no one

Not a soul

Is running to my aid...

Strobe

Dance

Romance

Flash

Cry

Drunk

Sigh

Lights

Out

High

Doubt

Legs

Ache

Bones

Break

Love

Hate

Talk

Late

Hold

Squeeze

Bold

Tease

Smile

Breathe

On

This

Globe

We

Dance

And

Strobe...

Staring at stars

Headlights of cars

As I dissolved

Into blackened clouds

Nothing solved

Faceless crowds

Eyes on me

As I fly through the cosmos

Pressure floods this deadened sea

I scream across the night

Heavy winged, blackened crows

Cut through underneath

The world

In black and white

I begin to dissipate

See through

Then invisible

Lights out

Grinding teeth

In my straight jacket

I quiver

As stars turn to padding

Nothing is left

But dead space...

Indigo concrete

Lining Main Street

Light breathes

Shadows cut

Eyes shut

As I lay

Cold and tense

Looking through

Like I'm in suspense

Glancing to

The shaky stars and beyond

Shimmering

On this dim lit night

Clutching misty grass

Afraid

From falling into space

My heart now pounds

As shadows interlace

And darkness surrounds me

I claw at the earth

As it drags me into oblivion

Eyes open

Light is smothered

I stare into black

A gaping hole in my chest

As my heart is devoured

Suffocating in utter shock

Hollowed out

I walk about

Moving my feet

On Indigo concrete

Lining Main street

Obsolete

And incomplete...

Black and white

Lay right down

Hang around

Kiss the ground

Escalate

Initiate

Line up single file

Don't wanna waste led

Right through the head

The belly of the beast

Stomach of the victim

Your not the only one who bled

Count!

Says the jailer

Lives measured

In stacks of paper

Gold is treasured

More so than blood

Sit down

Submit

Kiss the ground

Don't make a sound

Submit

Leave them be

Their time has come

Just let them go

Turn your back

Its only a picture

Look away

Its only a video

Close your eyes

Its all lies

Your day will come

Don't be surprised

When you stare into a barrel

Into their eyes

Grief stricken

Why am I in these shoes?

Why am I so lucky?

Why am I so blessed with light?

What could one person do?

Get up...

And fight...

Lights black

Rooms spin

Love sin

Fall apart again

Lights strobe

Chest pain

Cloudy eyes

Cotton smiles

Mostly lies

A few more miles

Lights blind

Feet hurt

Smoke spreads

Short skirt

Dead heads

Eyes close

Lights dim

No clothes

Superimpose

See through

Enclose

And decompose...

As shades blur

Days stir

Losing my balance

Shorting out

Smoke flares from my mouth

Eyes dim

Shorting out

Sockets burst

Not so shatterproof

As I pick up my shards on the ground

Looking down

Fading to black

Unstable

What constitutes self punishment

Unscrew the sockets

Put in new bulbs

And light up again

Spiderwebs and dust bowls

Nebulas and black holes

Generations of remote controls

Accusations and empty souls

Kinder to the evening flame

Warmth can only ease the pain

Both love and hate and hate again

Troubled waters and rough terrain

Portals and sockets into your skull

Vibrant places, remain full

Take a step into the null

Living free to pay the toll...

Punctual holes of corks line my body

As I run my fingers across them they plunge into darkness

Holes from one side of me to another

Centimeters apart

Emptiness

As light shines through every inch

I come to the realization of touch

I feel the holes in me

Swiss cheese

Terror strikes me

The scene is replayed

Over and over

My hand running across my body

Corks unplugging from my flesh

Nothing but emptiness inside

The only thing in tact is my head

Which is numb

As if my entire body is paralyzed

Stuck by something I don't recognize

Fearful for what is next to come

Eyes open as I shutter at the feeling

I press my hand to my stomach and feel for the corks

Flat, whole, there

Sweating in relief, as it was just a dream

Pulsing, sweating, drinking, spinning

Touching, feeling, holding, sinning

Paperback hearts

Ripped to shreds

Rustling around and wearing apart

Like a brain with two heads

So smile and greet

Ever so sweet

Say your goodbyes

I'm coming right there

It's not a surprise

It's not anywhere

But between your eyes

Believe no lies

Cut all your ties

And leap...

Today I went to the doctor to see what was wrong with me. I told him i can't sleep at night and I get bad aches in my stomach in the morning. He asked if i was depressed and I think I am. But I'm not really sure if I'm depressed or not. I know that I'm not in a severe depression and I've never really had suicidal thoughts. But he prescribed me a drug called Fluoxtine telling me that all my aches and insomnia are from stress and depression and it should clear it all up. I'm not sure if I should take these pills and I'm not sure that i Shouldn't. I keep psyching myself out the more and more i look into side affects and stuff like that. But what I really want to know is if I'm not actually depressed what will the drugs do to me? I've only recently opened myself up to the fact that I don't feel or act as as well as other people. Also I'm 17 going to highschool and if I miss one more day I won't graduate and if I fail any classes I won't graduate and the pressure is really stressing me out. Any information will help thank you

Insomnia

My thoughts throb through my scrutinizing of life

My eyes, burned out sockets in my skull

As the clock counts up, minute by minute

Reality blurs into a second hand masquerade of shadows

An ashy greeting in the morning and every hour after

Staring into blackness as I begin to decompose

Burying my head to shiver through nightfall hereafter

Sadness seeps through every night

And through the stress everything is numb

Deep space, I can feel my emotions ignite

Like a stationary movie reel, projecting nothing

Never awake but never asleep

Salvation through straining eyes and empty thoughts

And you get to rise again to the morning beep

Life in the shadows, all our minds rot

Throughout highschool I have never had a regular sleeping pattern. This arose only when I started highschool. It seems like I get into bed turn off everything and stare at clock for at least 2 to 3 hours every night. In the end I usually get about 4-5 hours of sleep on weekdays, on weekends I sleep in usually to around 1-2 pm. I feel utterly exhausted before I go to sleep and can't seem to sleep though. I also have the privelage of early morning classes at 6.50 a.m. So i wake around 6 a.m. When I wake up I'm am either super tired or wide awake. But once I'm awake throughout school I am perfectly awake. But once I get home I completely crash. I really need some help here I fear this is effecting my schooling and my overall outlook on life. I mean things seem way more depressing when I'm tired, but when I'm wide awake I feel perfectly fine. So could you please try to explain to me if this is insomnia, and if so what should I do about it?