Supernovas and Exploding Hearts (Critique and Comment)?

Excellent title, Tom. The poem is magnificent, except for one line that doesn't fit.

Pulsing, sweating, drinking, spinning

Touching, feeling, holding, sinning

Paperback hearts

Ripped to shreds

Rustling around and wearing apart

Like a brain with two heads <--- the only line that doesn't really fit.

So smile and greet

Ever so sweet

Say your goodbyes

I'm coming right there

It's not a surprise

It's not anywhere

But between your eyes

Believe no lies

Cut all your ties

And leap...

~~~~~~~

The reason I don't like heads is that it doesn't fit with the perfect flow of your poem, nor does it have any connection to the title.

Ripped to shreds

Rustling around and wearing apart

Like a brain with two heads

~~~~ OR

Ripped to shreds

Rustling around and wearing apart

like delicate words left unsaid

~~~~~OR

Ripped to shreds

Rustling around and wearing apart

like virgin's pulled apart because she bled

~~~~~~ OR

Ripped to shreds

Rustling around and wearing apart

like a supernova just ahead

~~~~~~OR

Pulsing, sweating, drinking, spinning

Touching, feeling, holding, sinning

Paperback hearts

Ripped to shreds

Rustling around and wearing apart

Like a supernova just ahead

So smile and greet

Ever so sweet

Say your goodbyes

I'm coming right there

It's not a surprise

It's not anywhere

But between your eyes

Believe no lies

Cut all your ties

And leap...

The great leap of faith. Tom, this is truly and excellent poem. It's pace is fast as it took me on quite a ride. I lofe it.

The title could just be Supernova-- the poem says it all about exploding hearts.

It might make a good song if you set it to music.

I LOVE IT DUDE!!!