Would you care to C/C on this poem?

You're a perfect candidate I should think for flu shots and the pneumonia one too while you're at it.

There must be tons of spores and crap in the air right now just about everywhere. Hubby and I are sneezing alot too since the rains started up and old dead stuff is falling out of the trees with the change of season. Lots of mold spores as well.

I enjoyed this piece very much Cynthia; I appreciate the slices of real life! You're on a roll here lately with some good stuff, sorry you're under the weather though. :O(

Suggestions ...

1. lose 'then' from line 3.

2. If you're writing in quatrains, as your rhyme scheme suggests, put a blank line between each quatrain. Helps you keep the organisation of the poem clear and makes it easier for the reader to see what you're doing.

3. lose the inversions - e.g. 'for soup and tea my appetite does fade' - and stick to a more natural syntax - 'my appetite for soup and tea fades' or somesuch.

4. Make more use of near-rhyme or half-rhyme. Particularly when you open with one (speck / aches) you set readers' expectations, and then the solid wall of full rhymes sounds clunky, especially when you have to resort to inversions to achieve it.

Overall, you have a sense of rhythm, which is a big plus. As far as the theme of it is concerned, well it's light verse, and there's nothing wrong with that. But try to work on deeper themes too from time to time.

Oh C! and the cold season hasn't started yet :)

for me, lemonade and lots of (soft, very soft) tissues; BTW, and I never asked Why, but if it was a flue, I might very well whine, asking for help :)

write on, my friend.

It seems the other posters don't get the fact that this is supposed to be a humo(u)rous piece. We have too few funny poems posted. And...this is a Sonnet; it is not s'posed to be broken up.

Booooring. But, I'm not big on colds. So...