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Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Pregnancy & ParentingToddler & Preschooler · 1 decade ago

Lonely mom who needs friends (looong?

Hi, I am going through a lonely "phase" right now. For starters, I am 27 with a 2 y/o daughter. I am not legally married, but have been w/her father for 5 yrs now since I just turned 22. i admit I kind of rushed into things with him, I went to college and lived w/my parents, but 6 mons after being w/him moved in w/him.

He recently lost his job was unemployed for awhile a couple mons and now works nights which means I'm alone all nght 5 days a week, and bc my daughter's 2 she doesn't wake up a lot which makes me sit in my thoughts more about my lack of friends.

As time passes and my daughter's getting older and more independent, I can already see her at 5, then 10, etc., and I still am in the same apartment (the 2nd we moved in to together) with the same no-career-path though i have BA in English lit. I work as a substitute at the school district which i've been doing since I first graduated from college. i didnt plan on staying there so long but got pregnant then when my daughter was born I stayed home with her til she was 14 mons old. and went back to doing that. i have been applying for jobs online and was accepted a retail position but declined bc pay was inadequate and I have a degree.

Anyway, I've just been thinking about how my life is kind of just drifting, and I feel invisible. My partner works a lot on his video-game developing hobby which does take hard work and computer brains but he's almost neglectful of us. This is nothing new as it has been going on for quite some time, but before I had a couple of friends who'd call me and I could go places w/them w/ my daughter (like parks, their house).

I don't know what's happening to me but I suddenly feel so insignificant and invisible. Some factors that have triggered this are my parents' recent divorce after 30 yrs of marriage due to my mom's affair of 2 yrs that my dad found about and her choosing the other guy over my dad, and also FaceBook. Yes FaceBook. i see pictures of all my classmates etc and cousins and how they have all these groups of girls they can hang out and party with, and I don't have that. It seems my circle of friends has diminished rapidly as my daughter gets older. I don't know if it's that I'm just more used to being a mom now so i can focus on other things and that's why, or if it really is people aren't calling as much. Although sadly, I think it's the latter.

I have maybe 2 friends who I actually see and talk to in real life NOW AND THEN. One friend lives 1 hr away so we can only see each other about one a month and it's always to the movies. Then this mom friend whose a single mom to a toddler girl my daughter's age and a teenage girl but she doesn't call me much anymnore which is weird bc she used to a lot. But she has a ton of friends already and I think she is busy with them. she didnt call me back last night. A childhood friend recently about 1 yr ago cut me off who has 2 kids which still hurts and then a close college friend moved to san diego a couple yrs ago and our lives just took different paths but she used to at least return my calls and doesnt even do that anymore. have been going to my mom's church lately and did meet one mom there who's married and a little older than (like 35) with a daughter whose almost exactly my daughter's age but 1 day older. We are planning to meet mon for a playdate.

But besides play dates, i crave a group of girls I can laugh with, party with. etc like the ones I see on facebook doing. I have never been a bi party-animal but I either had close friends or a devoted boyfriend and now feel as though i have neither. I love my daughter w/ all my heart and if I have to trade the other things for her then i will but it would be nice to have some friends. I just dont get why ppl dont gravitate to me or invite me?

How can I stop feeling so down about this? Any other moms struggle with these feelings?

Update:

minnesota: I DO those things already...the park, singing groups for tots, etc. Unfortunately, i dont have a lot of ppl who can watch my daughter bc of various reasons, but I do some of the things you've mentioned. The park is fulfilling, but it gets lonely when it's jsut us two someimes. I cant have an adult conversation w/my toddler.

And yes, thanks for the credit, do give it to myself...i just dont get why other ppl dont? I said already and I'll say it again..."I feel invisible"

Update 2:

the bottom line is, people I thought cared about me hardly show they do anymore, and THAT hurts, and the only way that can be fixed is by them calling or by finding new caring friends (though i'd prefer my old friends bc of our history).

14 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    im a dad and i feel the same way you do, i started going to thew gym and to be honest the internet is the way to go for freinds..

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    I know exactly the feeling! I'm 20 with a 13 month old son and have been with my boyfriend 4 years. Facebook is the worst lol! it sounds silly but seeing what seems like everyone else going out every weekend and meeting new people is really upsetting when you feel stuck in the same place. I'd say that I have 2 good friends left, one I see once or twice a month and the other has recently moved away to go to university. The rest seem to have drifted away since i had my son we're just going through different stages of our lives. I live in a rural area and my boyfriend needs the car during the day so its just me and my son all day, i love him to bits but it gets lonely!

    I would suggest speak to your boyfriend let him know you feel lonely and try and spend some family days out together. And try and arrange some time where you can do something for yourself (without your daughter) like go to the gym or join some other kind of group where you will meet people. This might lift your spirits abit and give you a clearer head to think about what your next move is going to be!

    Source(s): me!
  • 1 decade ago

    Yes I can really relate to your story, mine is a little different from yours but the same situation. I'm 22 and I have been with my boyfriend for going on 10 years and was with him for 5 before I had my first child and I was able to go back to work, but 3yrs later I had my 2nd child which is now 8mo old and I ended up being a stay at home mom because daycare is too much. Well months before I had my second child he got laid off from his job but the good outcome to him losing his job was that he got our daughter potty trained but he did end up getting his job back, but now I sit at home and to with i had more friends to go and hang out with.

    My boyfriend work 7 nights a week and 12+ hrs a day. I think the loneliness hurts a lot. I have about 3 friends that I talk but 2 of them are pregnant. I love my kids dearly but sometimes I need some me time. I don't do facebook because I have a myspace and that still doesn't do any good. I do plan on going back to work when me daughter stars school next year.

    So I do know how you feel it tough to deal with.

  • 1 decade ago

    Perhaps let your partner know of what you are experiencing. I also agree with one person suggesting to arrange a family time with your spouse. If you could also get a sitter every week or two, arrange a date day or night with your husband, even for a few hours. Coordinate it with your schedules. It is good if you can to get that quality time with him.

    Yes, know what it feels like to loose touch with people you were once close to. I don't have a best female friend a the 2 that I have are not very close. Alot of times, when I make attempts to call and make plans with female friends, they forget the date & also forget to call..so i've gotten used to it:)

    The only conclusion so far is to start to make new ones. It will take time and effort- with a child, a little more creativity. Activities clubs or classes are a good idea- as there are potential people to meet up with, who have common interests. Also, you just never know who you'll meet. But I do know it involves getting out there and trying to be open to making new friends. Sometimes, you wish you could just be with those you knew before, but sometimes you just move on.

    I suggest to not compare yourself to others on facebook- it's not worth it. There lives are different from your own. Yours is unique. I am sure we will find friends out there. Just hang in there:)

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  • ?
    Lv 5
    1 decade ago

    Hello,

    you have made the Ist step in taking control and making some changes in your life, so i congratulate on that .

    What you are going through is quite normal, we all reflect on our lives and it might be that you have a touch of post natal depression?

    If you can try and look at things in a positive light, smile and although forced at first ,you might get used to it. People will find you more approachable and smile back.It sounds simple but it can work!

    Try and set some time aside with your partner to tell him how you feel and plan a fun date with him, and something fun with your daughter as a family!

    Think frugally and why not have a pamper day with friends and take it in turns at different houses, you could combine with direct selling like avon or books?

    Face book is not the real world and maybe some wish to have a kid? maybe imp[rove your income by doing some private tuition, learn to live frugally and then you can aim to live in a different home. Avoid the temptation to buy things to cheer yourself up? because that could cause worry re money!

    it might be worth having a good chat with your partner, to make some joint plans or maybe consider a split as a last resort? Try and not be critical and look at his good points and show appreciation re his good!

    It does not mean that you will have a similar life to yur mum, you are a different person but you can maybe learn from her choices or even mistakes she has made?

    Good luck , i think you will be a lot happier in the future :)

  • Anonymous
    1 decade ago

    Honestly, for starters it sounds like you need a counselor to help you work through your emotional trouble right now, there is a lot of negative strife in your life right now and a counselor can help you cope. Address your concerns with your old friends, tell them that you feel disconnected from them and try to initiate lunch dates or play dates for your children during which you can catch up.

    Throw a dinner party, invite old friends and family; get a group together for a movie or bowling or pottery painting. There are many basic activities you can find that will give you help you rekindle old friendships and maybe even start new ones.

    You could meet women to communicate with through groups such as pampered chef, stampin' up, Miche bags, quilting clubs, cooking classes, yoga classes, gyms, dance classes. Find a pre- arranged group activities in your area that interest you and get involved. Maybe you can find something that you can do with your children. Get online and find some things in your area that you feel compelled to try and go for it =)

  • 5 years ago

    Do you resent your highly successful good friend who have a big house, a fancy sports car, and goes off on a family vacation every once in a while? Do you believe that you are not getting what you are worthy of regardless of working really hard? If yes, then you are not alone as there are millions of males and females who feel the same.

    Fortunately, it is still not far too late and you can achieve everything that you have actually wanted from life with the help of Manifestation Miracle, a self-development guide that you can find here https://tr.im/Fwu7a

    Manifestation Miracle has already helped thousands of individuals. These people have changed their lives and achieved everything from success in company and lots of money to name and fame in society and you too can be one of them. Just tune your fate and you find challenges being get rid from your course.

  • 1 decade ago

    I struggle with these feelings alot!! I am 28 and a single mom of two. Most of my friends are married with children and they do not come around because I am not married anymore and I do not fit in with their married group of friends Or they other half of my friends are Single without children and I do not fit in with them because I do have children. I feel you that's why I spend a lot of time on my computer, passing time by my self. If you can find a good church that can be a good place to start.

  • ?
    Lv 4
    1 decade ago

    Same exact situation here, I just started hanging out in chatrooms, I became a regular and got to know a few people and now im not AS lonely, but still pretty lonely..

  • 1 decade ago

    I understand how you feel... However feeling bad about yourself is only making it worse. No one wants to hang out with someone who's negative all the time (believe me I know because I used to be the girl who thought she had no friends and just sat around feeling sorry for herself). Go out and do things that you like to do! With your daughter, and sometimes by yourself too! You have to make it so there's things that you look forward to doing every week. Go for walks at the park with your daughter, keep going to church, look online for classes around your area, sign up for one that you can bring your daughter with, and one that you think you'd enjoy by yourself (yoga, painting, dance) they have tons of classes! Join a gym. They are all great ways to make friends and feel good about what your doing in your life. Why shouldn't you take some time to yourself.. And you have to look at the things that you've accomplished in your life too. Getting a college degree takes a lot of effort even if you aren't doing anything in that field, and your raising a child which takes a lot of work, so give yourself more credit. If you want your life to change you need to take charge of it! It won't change if you don't try. Try to read books and watch shows that have a positive feeling to them. It makes a big difference when you surround yourself with great things in your life. Don't look at the bad things, look at the good!

    Source(s): http://www.thesecret.tv/ - book you can read if you wanted to.. It's helped me to become happy in my life. I'd recommend it.
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