Yahoo Answers is shutting down on May 4th, 2021 (Eastern Time) and beginning April 20th, 2021 (Eastern Time) the Yahoo Answers website will be in read-only mode. There will be no changes to other Yahoo properties or services, or your Yahoo account. You can find more information about the Yahoo Answers shutdown and how to download your data on this help page.
Trending News
How would you rate this poem that I wrote over 38 years ago?
"The Dilemma of a Somers Sailor"
Lost in the middle of the Pacific
Vietnam is the spot;
We are doomed to server our time
In a sea that God forgot.
Upon the haze gray quarterdeck
Up where the men wear blue:
We freeze, we sweat, we shivver
Continuing work that we must do.
Why must we be out here
It is more that we can stand;
We are just a bunch of convicts
But defenders of the land.
Living here with our memories
Wanting to see our gals;
Hoping that while we are away
They aren't marrying our pals.
For we are men of the Navy
Earning our monthly pay;
Guarding people who have millions
For only two and a half a day.
Few people know we are living
Few people really give a damn;
Athough we are forgotten
We belong to Uncle Sam.
But when we get to heaven
Saint Peter will surely yell;
"Fall out you men of the Somers."
"You have served your time in Hell."
4 Answers
- 1 decade agoFavorite Answer
This is a wonderful narrative poem. I won't give you a plain rating, because ratings are relative, but I will critique it some, if you wish.
The writing is clear and concise, and it is very well thought out. I like the meaning it conveys, and the way it puts you in the speaker's place. The description is well done- there is enough to invoke images, but not so much that it becomes overwhelming. The story is something people can relate to. It is, overall, a very well written poem.
In regards to spelling and grammar, I have a few suggestions for you:
First stanza:
~ Change 'server' to 'serve'
Second stanza:
~ Change 'haze' to 'hazy' if you meant for it to be an adjective.
~ Change 'shivver' to 'shiver'
This is incredible, and I hope that you keep writing. You show a lot of promise, and it's never too late to write.
Source(s): I'm a published writer, grammar geek, and an aspiring novelist. - 1 decade ago
I write poetry and read alot of it, on yahoo i've read alot of poems but only answered some, the ones where i actually answer it the ones that i really liked. Your poem from top to bottom was excellent and the ending was absolutely amazing.
- ?Lv 71 decade ago
I admire that you put your thoughts about this torturous topic in verse. My father-in-law does not even discuss his time there - Ever.
Thank you for letting us see.
