Should i find my Family?

hi loopy loo, i know exactly what you mean as i used to be in your position. i never spoke to my dad for 16 years and discovered i had 3 brothers i never met, aged 8 to 16.

when i plucked up the courage to talk to my dad when we met up my brothers knew all about me and we all get on great.

it was awkward at first but with a little time and patience and understanding you can do it.

the person who said your dad should be finding you, dont listen to that sort of nonsense, i wasted years without him thinking that way, its so much more rewarding putting the past behind you and moving on, you will have a blast getting to know your new siblings and i guarantee they know all about your existence.

good luck with your decision i hope you get on ok xxxxxx

You and dad have been apart for 26 years. At that time you were to young to know or understand the circumstances that lead up to the disolution of the marriage. Proceed slowly and carefully... while time heals a lot of things, your sudden reappearance may ignite a lot of hard feelings your dad still carries. I would write first, include a picture and state your desire to get reaquainted. Be patient as the ultimate decision remains with your father as to when and if this should take place. If he is agreeable, you should soon meet your three brothers. If things don't come together for you.... you should wait until your siblings are 18 years old to meet them. That way, they can make their own decision. Good Luck.

I think you need to wait until the youngest is an adult.

I suspect if your Dad left you at 4, and chose not to remain in contact, he is one of those sadly all too common men who can compartmentalise their life into little boxes. Erasing the memory those of no use to them, undoubtedly not informing his 'new' family that you even exist. So tread carefully.

I've got three half brothers that I have never met, but I have no inclination to, as I've no wish for any connection to a man that didn't care about my existence, welfare or otherwise.They are totally abstract to me. However, if you feel it is something important, then I advise you contact NORCAP for advice before proceeding. They deal with reunions concerning adoptive children and their families (including siblings) but they also give advice with situations such as yours, which come about due to divorce etc.

Those boys are in the throes of adolescence - I would proceed with great caution, no matter how much you long to connect with them. Don't throw their world into disarray at a time when they are taking important exams etc. Even if they DO know about you, they are hardly likely to be emotionally mature enough to deal with such a huge change.

Good luck.

The only person who can answer that really is yourself. But would you rather regret meeting them or regret not meeting them? If you meet them and things do not turn out for the best at least you tried and you will know, if you meet them things could go great ! If however you do not decide to find them you will continue thinking about them for the rest of your life, thinking 'what if?'. Good luck in what ever you do x

By the way the Salvation Army are good at tracing family!

You never know what's gonna happen in the future. Your parents might die and you'll regret never having contacted the family.

You could find out their address through a private investigator and just write them a nice letter, asking if they want to meet.

GO FOR IT you will forever regret if you do not. i have a half brother and sister but its abit different . my dad had an affair with my mum whilst he was married so his children don't know a thing about it or me . i will contact them one day but not while my mum is still alive because i do want any trouble for her

Let him find you I'm sure if he wanted to see you he would find you a lot more easily than you would find him, don't you think?

It's really up to you. If you really want to, then go ahead! Nothing's stopping you. But if you have this gut feeling that you shouldn't, then don't go.

hi if you don't do it now you will regret it ,go for it sheila