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Please give feedback on this poem: Blue Moon?
Blue Moon
You tell me everything’s just fine,
In fact, sublime.
And then…
you’re gone.
Well, you’re wrong.
You can’t see
All things left in-between
The pieces on the floor
A heart that’s not whole anymore.
I’m alright,
But not ok.
Fighting the feelings,
The words left to say,
I’ll lay them down,
Tonight.
I’ll put to rest
This fight:
A war inside myself.
Put the empty dreams upon that shelf.
I’ll stare at them,
On a blue moon
And smile like a fool.
I’m alright,
But not ok.
Just another beautiful day.
3 Answers
- synopsisLv 71 decade agoFavorite Answer
A good test for a short poem is: when the poem is finished, is there at least one image you can still see clearly with your mind's eye.
Check some real poems: Keats, W C Williams, Alexander Pope - this test nearly always works.
I can't see anything in your poem.
- 5 years ago
I cherished the final section. It was once quite well. I wasn't quite following the primary few components..however to provide you the advantage of the doubt..it is overdue and I've had a nasty day! The best thing more is a few spelling mistakes, however that is minor. That's fine that you are into poetry, I wish you keep it up..possibly a few day you'll get whatever released!
- Anonymous1 decade ago
I like it! The only thing I can say is that you need one more syllable in this line :"Put the empty dreams upon that shelf."
