Have you been to couples counseling and it didn't work, or it made things worse?

We tried 8 times, it didn't work at all. My wife is an emotional abuser. I could tell you a hundred amazing stories that would make your jaw drop. She has basically tied up my life and disallowed me to have any intimacy. It's very sad, but I'm physically ok.

That web link you provided is excellent. I agree with 100%.

In response to your link, I agree that couples counseling don't work in abusive relationships. I've been in one, and my church tried to meddle with it. My ex behaved exactly like the blog described. Going to counseling only made us worse; and instead of getting protection from the people I trusted, I got badmouthed behind my back and my reputation was eating away. Abusive relationships don't need counseling, they need to be terminated. Period.

Having said that, I actually am quite pro-couples counselling, but would prefer it to be a preventative measure to correct problematic patterns before they become real problems, rather than a fixer upper after things got screwed up.

If you choose your counselor wisely, there are a lot of things to learn that could spare one's marriage a lot of trouble. If being married is like walking through a minefield, it would be kind of nice to just follow the footsteps of someone who has made it safely through the minefield rather than to have to figure everything out by myself and risk losing a limb in the process. Doesn't mean that counseling is a guarantee to never ever step on a landmine, but it does offer a lot of piece of mind to think that you can have faith in someone who cares about your marriage but can also see it objectively. Besides, why learn things the hard way if you could simply look up to other people's wisdom and experiences and learn from them instead?

But then again, there are a lot of factors to take into account to make couple counseling work. My fiance doesn't believe in it because he hates the thought of having to submit his private life to some self-proclaimed spiritual authority above us. I respect that, and have tried to do without. No relationship is perfect, so why can't this be the imperfection I live with?

I wish I were as lucky as some answerers here, who already have established good communication habits with their partners that they don't really need counselors to help them. That's not really the case with me and my fiance, though, because he doesn't talk. And when he does on rare occasions, he lacks the skills to make the things he say actually come across as sensitive and sympathetic to me. To me, this is simply underdeveloped skill and not a character flaw; it is relatively easily fixable if he would only come to counseling. The problem is, he wouldn't. And that's a pity because I think communication is the most important thing in a relationship.

My mom is very pro-counseling, and my dad is very anti. They fight about it all the time. Although apart from that their marriage is relatively stable and happy, I'd hate to be fighting with my husband about our views on counseling. Sometimes I wished my mom would listen less to the counselors and more to my dad, and that's what I'm trying to do with my relationship. But then if a pleasant date with my fiance consists of bumming around and surface chit chats (and anything beyond that lowers the joy quotient significantly) then I'm kinda dying to drag us to a counselor so that they can stimulate us to talk (and listen!).

So yeah that's my two sides of the coin. Sorry didn't work out for you. It's not working quite as well with me, but I still have my own beliefs in counseling and am hoping that I am somehow right. We could all use a shoulder other than our significant other's to lean on. Hang in there, my friend!

Yes, but soon realized that we didn't need it. Not because we were perfect, but because we realized that we already had the sort of relationship that wouldn't benefit from it. Counseling is a catalyst that gets couples talking. We were already there and so we were able to resolve our own issues.

my first wife and I went for a yr. about 100 bucks a visit..didn't work. AT my divorce i noticed the counselor at the court house" hey what are you doing here"? counselor replies" my wife found out I was having an affair with my secretary"! can I get a refund.. geez

No it didn't work. It takes two people to participate in counseling and in marriage.

It led to the divorce....the counselor showed me I was right and it was all her fault. I, actually, started defending the ex, I felt so sorry for her that the counselor just kept pointing out her faults over and over.

A big generalization based on one experience! Check out my "source.'

They have to be willing, my ex thought and still does that there is no problem, yet his temper is out of control once more :)

It was a complete waste of time for me and my (ex) husband - he wouldn't talk so not much use to us. We are now divorcing.

We went to one session and agreed on the way out that we didnt need that sanctimonious pr*ck telling us what to do.

So we sorted it out ourselves.