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My poem "Karloff" ---?
KARLOFF
“The body of dead Frankenstein
may be found in your bathtub”
was written in red on a page
from Leviticus IV
which Mme Lacross had opened
by chance
while seeking deliverance,
deliverance from her past.
Her Bible had not been invaded before.
the smiling sprite, ecstatic fear, is awe;
heat from the hearth lights truth;
the dead wine cellar below,
the fearful upstairs bath,
a chilly stream dubbed “Styx,”
vicious unsleeping dogs
just inside the electric wires
that wind through “Wood of Desires”
“What cannot happen comforts me
when I see it before my eyes:
it means I need not understand
what it means to be alive.
“Here in my palace, all alone,
awe becomes Lacross
except the many are One
and this does that for Fun.”
Now the fire was dead,
the woman on the stair,
and water was trickling down
from up there.
3 Answers
- Rayven53Lv 61 decade ago
This is interesting, but kinda all over the place for me. The rhymes happen altogether too often to be considered random, and must, therefore, be considered unfortunately inconsistent. A lot is said about poetry having no rules. This is absolutely not true; although the "rules" are often broken, there are even "rules" for governing that. If a rule is to be broken, why should be obvious; since much of this write avoids obvious quite well, well...
Another most-vital component to good poetry, IMHO, is cadence/flow/meter. When read aloud, at first seemingly random line breaks can come into incredible clarity, so neither is it a solely visual medium. Up through "Her Bible had not been invaded before.", I felt I was being set up, and enticingly so, for somethin' expository...revealing...and I never found it. Instead you continued on with incredibly limber visualizations of a variety of things, but they were disconnected for me.
And then:
“What cannot happen comforts me
when I see it before my eyes:
it means I need not understand
what it means to be alive.
This is incredible, but why, with regard to what? I am certain this is simply some very personalized innuendo, but it neglects to consider the exposure and experience of your audience. I feel quite exposed and experienced, and am just missin' this for the most part.
So basically, I just wish I could tell what you're sayin' cuz you say it so sweetly! Certainly could be me...
