For Ladies who expect a man to pay for a date?

If he asked, then I expected him to pay unless he made it clear that it was a casual thing and we were each paying. I was also surprised by how many women said that they flat-out wouldn't go on another date if he didn't pay. One woman said it makes him look cheap...don't they realize that it makes them look like users if their basis for deciding to go on a second date is whether or not he paid for the first?? I mean, I'm traditional and all, but sheesh, it's not a deal breaker if the guy goes dutch on the bill.

>If you expect a man to pay for dates (i.e. being traditional minded), do you also expect that the man should be the one to ask for dates?

That's kinda how it went for us but we weren't all rigid about it. I invited him to things too.

>And that later on you will do the majority (if not all) of the cooking, cleaning, and child rearing?

I do that, partly because I want to, partly because we both think the kids are better off at home with me than in daycare, and partly because of his disability - he can hardly do anything anymore because his back is just too screwed up.

>Do you feel the man is the head of the household and has the last say?

I used to. Now that I've been married for 7 years and have some experience, I've come to realize that we are a partnership rather than a hierarchy. We make decisions together; we fix problems together; we raise our kids together. I do try to always make sure not to do some things without his input, like larger purchases or signing up for stuff, because I like us to be on the same page. But it's not like I need his permission.

>or if some women are picking and choosing what traditions suit them best.

I think it's that. Women like the sweet, romantic traditions, like when a man gets down on his knee to propose or when he is the pursuer in their date life. But other traditions aren't as fun so they get labeled oppressive or obsolete or sexist.

Well, to me, it makes sense that you would never leave home without money or the means to get it, since you never know what could happen. You might find yourself left alone for many reasons - he gets hit by a bus (not just you fight and he leaves you standing) or something - you never know.

EDITS:- If I invite, I pay, unless by prior agreement.

As for traditional minded - I still think that the house chores are shared by *agreement and arrangement* - I did my share of looking after the babies - and I enjoyed it though it was hard work.

*'agreement' means what you've worked out; 'arrangement' means she's fighting a Supreme Court action and won't be home until Thursday (or whatever), so you say OK - I'll put the washing in the machine etc.*

You have to use your sense in these things - and not just expect or demand. Also - a piece of advice - when the one at home does the chores - don't complain it if it's not done your way, and don't lecture them on every detail. I fold my clothes differently - put my socks away differently, do the washing up differently, and even have a different setup for knives, forks and spoons. I know where they are!

This is a very controversial topic, as it delves into the very foundations that women have been differentiated from men over the many years humans have existed. The ones you are shocked by are farther out, more deviated than the average. They are incredibly stuck up and this is only exacerbated by the media which portrays males to be the powerful, protectors who provide. Being "hot" (an ugly term) makes them think they have the right to be so superficial and further stratifies their shallow, prissy nature.

And wow, I didn't realize how shallow some girls were until I read 2 of the girls posts on here. I was almost speechless, but it actually didn't surprise me. Those are the kinds of girls who are so incredibly absent minded, that if they had to think for themselves and not just recall, they'd probably shrivel up and die. Next time I meet one of you, I may just say I'm going to the bathroom and walk out on you. It is a relief that some girls are shocked by these types of girls. I wish there were more rational women like them.

It's been a while, here are my two cents.

"or if some women are picking and choosing what traditions suit them best"

I have nailed this point many times in your questions.

Anyway, it boils down to this for me.

I am looking for my equal.

She doesn't have to be the same person as me, that's boring.

But, she has to put forth the same damn effort as me,

Emotionally, financially, or otherwise.

So, I don't care if I pay for the date, if she brings chocolate, or drives, or anything else, seems pretty fair to me.

Who the hell says that chivalry should only be directed towards women?

I know real quick if she is worth my time.

I open my passenger door for my dates, I really do! But do you have any idea how many women DON'T learn over and unlock my door?

As a guy, I would pay for the first date. If she didnt pay for the second, I wouldnt ask her out again.

I saw "would pay" because I am no longer willing to date. I think its a very disadvantageous position for a guy to put himself in. A date is like a job interview that lasts 3 or 4 hours, with the woman playing the part of the hiring company, and the guy playing the role of the applicant. Sure its possible the guy will end up rejecting the girl, just like its possible a company will extend a job offer after an interview and the applicant will turn it down. But not likely.

The crap about "whoever asks should pay" is exactly that. Lets face it, women dont usually have the initiative to ask guys out. Yahoo Answers is filled with women asking, "How can I get him to ask me out?". And once a couple starts to go out regularly, Wouldnt it become a game of trying to get the other person to ask so they have to pay? How stupid. If the woman is interested, she should pay her share. The world is full of absurdity, and women not wanting to pay for their dinner, then calling a guy cheap for not wanting to pay for both his and hers is a great example.

I think it's so ridiculous how many users on GS want to be treated like children. As I said in the other question, it's a date, not a trip out with your parents.

To expect to be treated as an equal, yet also expect to receive (and I never thought I'd say this) 'special privileges' is completely hypocritical. You have to take the good with the bad. You can't call yourself independent and expect a man to pay for everything.

Not taking money out is beyond me. It is one thing to hope a man will pay, but to expect it to the point that you buy things with no way of paying for them is baffling.

Well, I guess at the time when I was single and dating I was a pretty traditional girl. And as such, I expected my date to pay if he was the one issuing invitation to me. Now, one time I was unlucky to go on a dinner date with a cheap skate (20 some years ago we had pretty stable economy and he had a very well paid job, while I was a college student with a minimal wage part-time employment). Besides, he basically followed me around until I agreed to go on that date with him. Now, silly me I've decided that he will pick up the tab. Guess what, he forgot his wallet or something similarly pathetic as an excuse for not paying for dinner we had. I called my friend and he helped me out by taking care of the dinner bill (which I've paid him back in following months) and driving me home. Needless to say I had never talked to that cheap *** again. But that experience taught me not to expect anything from anyone. Ever since that evening I'd never left my home without my purse and my wallet. Does that fact make me less traditional? I don’t know about that, but it definitely helps me never bother my friends in order to get me out of anything. I am a modern woman with very successful career, but I would never trust anyone to take care of my family’s needs. Cooking, cleaning and keeping their peace of mind are my responsibilities. And I choose to enjoy every one of them.

Hmm...Well, I've never thought of it that much really, it just comes natural to me that men are supposed to provide and protect, it's something that turns me on in a man, and it's also something that makes Me feel like a feminine woman which is something I am and don't apologize for.

If i were married, I would want my husband to work 9 to 5 while I stay at home, or perhaps study or work...but here's the difference; He works to provide for us both (and our kids if we have any) and pays all the bills, and I work with something I love, or maybe learn a new language, basically whatever my passion is, I spend my time on that while my husband works.

The money I get from working (if i work) I save, for both of us for the future.

I will cook most dinners and clean and do the laundry Most of the time, but I would want help, maybe a cleaning lady that comes a few times a week and cleans and does the laundry.

I would want my husband to cook sometimes, not all the time, but let's say I cook 60% of the time, I'd want him to cook 50% of the time, or maybe 40% of the time.

Other than that I don't know....I just like a masculine man, a mans man who loves taking care of his woman and is a gentleman.

Speaking for myself alone, I'm traditional all the way.

I am surprised that anyone that invites another to a date, without any mention of "going dutch", expects the date to co-pay. If I invite someone to my home for dinner, I don't expect them to bring the dinner unless I indicate that this is a potluck dinner, or something similar. Similarly, were I single and asked a woman for a date, unless I tell her up-front that this would be a split-bill date, I would expect to pay. And yes, were she in turn to ask me, I would assume that she is paying (though I would make a point of asking if she wants to split the costs).