Once again, it's my birthday. Does anyone want to give me a grand piano *this* year?

Even though you stuck your tongue out at me last year on this auspicious occasion, sweet lady, I felt touched by your plight and, tissue-wrapped to within an inch of its life, had one all set to depart to assuage your need.

Come the morn, a mere glance out of the window told the whole story: snow drifts as far as the eye can reach and, safely in its crate, maroon bow obliterated by a white cap, your piano sat forelorn on the drive, waiting for the the carrier who now says he'll never come while the blizzards blow. Night has fallen, the ship has sailed -- 'tis a cruel fate that besets your innocent desires for a grand piano, it seems.... :-/

Take heart though, ma petite, for there's always next year, when we'll all again try our very best indeed.... :-))

Many, many happy returns to you, most warmly as ever,

You ask for the same thing every year and like always every year I put one with a big red bow on a southbound ship heading your way and every year the ship gets lost somewhere in the Bermuda Triangle, but knowing how much owning a grand piano means to you I will try again. Go to www.pianos-wholesale.com pick one and I will send it to you via the Titanic. I feel good about this one.

Happy birthday, Rachel (yes, I know I'm late, but I've been ill and not at the computer all weekend). I have an upright I'm happy to give away, but the shipping costs to where you are would be far more than the instrument is worth.

Keep trying!

Happy Birthday, darlin'

... you've really got to work up to a Grand piano though. You could start here:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NJ6xBaZ92uA

(Oh, and the notes are "buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz buzz...)

I feel erectile dysfunction. Bad. Good.

. . . Because, you ASKED for it!

http://iguanaman.org/resources/FarSide.jpg

no and no