Husband say's I am asking to much. Do you agree?

Even as a guy who HATES shopping, I think you're in the right on this one. The fact that he's unwilling to take the time or energy once a year to figure out what gift would make you happy and then actually go get it is pretty selfish and suggests that he's taking you for granted. Like you said, it's not about the gift, it's about making you happy. You're not asking too much on this one.

I agree that the effort involved is at least 95% of the gift.

The old saying 'It's the thought that counts' is very true. My husband forgot my birthday. I was hurt not because I didn't get a gift, but because he didn't take the time to do anything at all for me. I would have been thrilled if he and my son had made a card for me, for example. Something from the heart. I don't want items. I can buy whatever I need. I just want to know that he is thinking of me and cares about me enough to spend a little effort on me.

But then, that's the whole problem with Christmas now, and maybe your husband feels this way. It's commercialized, spend-spend-spend, lines in front of stores, so on and so forth. It's absolutely ridiculous and everyone gets gifts because they feel obligated to. Frankly, I hate it. I would not do anything for Christmas at all except for our 9-year old son. I don't believe in spending money on someone just because a holiday tells you to. I don't want to spout religion, but buying gifts has ZERO to do with the whole point of Christmas anyway.

I think it would be much better if ALL of us did not buy ANY gifts for anybody. All that money should go to a food bank, homeless shelter, neighbor in need, etcetera. Spend all that time that you would have used up on shopping and decorating and whatever and go visit a nursing home, volunteer at a soup kitchen, and so on.

THAT would be part of the real meaning of Christmas. Maybe you could make this your new tradition.

Here's the piece that you aren't saying, but is critical to being to answer this. Does your husband go buy your birthday and anniversary presents himself? If this is just a christmas thing, then you are making too much of it. Christmas is at this point a holiday designed to stimulate the economy, nothing more, so its not entirely ridiculous that he just doesn't want to be a part of it. Or maybe its something from his childhood?

So i'd say you are asking too much if he's thoughtful other times.

Amazingly enough, especially when people have to act like this, alot of people just dont get into christmas. Its another day, another reason to waste money. I like Christmas, my BF doesnt. I put up the tree, got all our gifts for friends/family ordered or purchased, and am going to wrap them tonight. I get a kick out of it, he thinks its for the birds. I dont really hold it against him, its just not his thing, much like steelers football is not my thing. I think you are asking too much. To him, there is no emotion behind mindless purchasing of gifts, and he would probably rather ACT romantic to you than have to buy something to "show he cares". Bottom line: Get over it, there are worse things that could happen.

If you've talked openly and and honestly about how you feel and he still refuses to change then you just may need to accept the fact that he isn't about christmas and never will be. Ask yourself, do you love him, and does this one thing really define your marriage and life together. At least he cres enough to have your daught go get you a present in his eyes he is doing the best thing possible to make sure you get what you want

I get what you are saying but the fact is that he is not going to change and if he does end up at the store to "personally" buy a gift for you .... you will in fact receive a tube of chap-stick ........ but not to worry I have a plan .

You go online to a web site like Amazon and create a wish list ...... you send him the link to your wish list and make sure he has a credit card or you can go with one of those pre paid visa cards and all he has to do is choose the things off your wish list and enter his card information.

It seems like Christmas just isn't a big deal for your husband, and he probably doesn't want to deal with crowded malls and shopping centers. I think you should be more accepting of his personal views- it really doesn't matter if he's festive around Christmas as long as you guys have a good relationship the rest of the year.

I think you're absolutely right! If only for your gift, he could stop at the store on his way home from work. I'm sure there's even a CVS, Walgreen's or someplace where the lines aren't as bad as your major dept. store. He's lazy and don't even care anymore. Tell him I said so!

You're not picky at all. your husband sounds extremely lazy and selfish to me. Are you sure he loves you all that much? Love is about making the choice to love someone every day that you wake up. That means doing things to show your spouse you love them.

You're not asking too much at all. Your husband needs to clean up his act.

He probably lacks confidence in his choice of gifts, many men are pretty useless at it.

I think if he is a good husband in other ways, its hardly a dealbreaker. Grand gestures are easy, its everyday life that takes effort.