What do I do now? I cheated while my husband was in rehab but I want to end it.?

My heart goes out to you.

I noticed something in your description: You have no power, control, equality or say so in your marriage. For example, you said that he would not give you a divorce. The first thing you need to do is heal yourself. Find a local chapter of Al-Anon. Al-Anon is a support and recovery group for family members of addicts. Among other things, you will learn how to handle various situations. You will also realize that you are not alone and literally millions of women have gone through the same thing and responded the same way.

For meeting information in Canada, the US, and Puerto Rico you can call 1-888-4AL-ANON (1-888-425-2666) Monday through Friday, 8:00am to 6:00pm ET.

If you decide that YOU want a divorce, consider contacting a paralegal or you can try one of those "do-it-yourself" divorce kits. Considering the fact that you don't have many assets to fight over, money won't be an issue. With regard to child custody - look at his track record - that won't be an issue.

The affair... Be assertive and tell him that you must end it. Block all calls, texts, and e-mails. Also, inform him that you will get a restraining order against him if he tries to contact you. You can explain to him that your actions are necessary to (fill in the blank - example: ensure that you maintain custody of your child in the event of a divorce, or to preserve your marriage). It is imperative that you maintain eye contact, that you speak firmly, and that you do NOT apologize. Also, be sure to maintain assertive body language.

Your self-esteem... Every day, write something positive about yourself. I'm a great mother, I was the best wife i could be, I was loyal to hubby to my detriment, I;m a great teacher, I'm beautiful...

Your guilt... Go to this web site:

http://www.articlesbase.com/marriage-articles/infi...

Your co-dependency... (I won't bother to define it), Go to this web site:

http://www.allaboutlifechallenges.org/codependency...

Finally, realize that people such as myself view you as a very strong person, wife, and mother. Considering what you have been through, you are amazing and awesome!

I wish you the best of luck. Contact me if you need assistance.

Well its not much of a marriage is it? Its just 2 people stuck together by a piece of paper. You don't sound like you are in love wit him anymore. you may love him but youre not in love. i say go slow with this new man, you deserve it! and cant you get non profit lawyers? ask your family for some help. im sure theyd help u abit if they care enough for you and your son to get away from him since hes a druggie. i dont want to sound mean or rude but if he's relapsed many times and doesnt seem to change whats so different this time? drugs really turns a person very selfish, they only care about themselves. the drugs become them and if its not in his heart to change he wont.. it might just be for show the whole rehab thing. he will go and come out and pretend he will never use again and than next thing u know youre in the same situation again.

i say at least seperate from him. tell him whats up, say you are seperating him and only want him to see your child on weekends or whatever arragements you want but that you want no more relationship with him on a wife/husband basis. you have to make this clear to him. you are a strong woman and you need to lay down the law! he cant come into your place and just see you whenever! he cant just come and have sex with you anytime (if he does that)... stand up for yourself. and if he lays a hand on you if youre afraid of call 911. do not feel bad about this other guy. just dont . your marriage is dead! you can do what you want! good luck! and i hope everything works out!

Yes, what you did is considered cheating but in a way you're not completely at fault here. Your husband hasn't been there for you since day one and quiet honestly it doesn't look like he's really going to make a drastic change. It's likely that even if he stops the drugs, he's still going to have major issues to work on that will prevent him to be a good husband or father. I think you need to find a way to quickly get out of this marriage and get on with your life.

I totally understand your situation from a drug user's point of view. I used to the point where it cost me more than just relationships with women. It also cocoastedfriends, jobs, and my health, at one time. I've been clean for 5 or 6 years, but I do know the horrors of being the cause of multiple problems in relationships. When a person has an addiction, everything else except for a drug of choice is shoved aside. Even though there are some rational thoughts about loved ones, they soon are diminished by an over-riding need for drugs or a cheap high that lasts less and less because the brain gets more accustomed to being bashed. So to get a better high, the cost of drugs increase dramatically. Anyway, in your case, I understand your situation. You should not be too hard on yourself for having another affair. You have been more than patient enough with him, even to the point of enabling his habit, by propping him up. His parents, too, are guilty of being enablers to the point of supporting his habit by giving him a place to stay while he continues to use and abuse. As of now, he is a thoughtless, uncaring, monster. He will say and do things just to manipulate you, to make you feel more anxious and guilty even if you turn to care more for your child and yourself. You need to end ties with him, even if he refuses you a divorce. Do not give him a dime, or a place to sleep, or do anything that will reinforce himself to do what is either going to kill him or make him wish that he were dead. I've been in two rehab programs. I can tell you that for some it's only a vacation where a user gets away to replenish him or herself physically. It does little for the habits of the mind unless it is that user's intent to totally come clean with their habits. You have to think and do for yourself and child, period. You have to move on, don't feel guilty for the affair or for enjoying your life. Get away from your husband. I don't know where you live or what state, but there are attorneys who would help you if you research them. First meetings/consultations are usually free. I do know from my own experience (and I was dead wrong in my actions) that you have been used and manipulated, abused, and neglected long enough. It's time for you to take action to free yourself from your own bondage. It's time for you to think of yourself, your happiness, and the overall security of your child, first. Good luck!!

i truly am sorry, really. it must be horrible and i can understand where your coming from(despite my age) i saw this and was coming to troll but i want to say that you dont deserve that and you are an incredibly strong woman for supporting him, i understand why you went to the other man and you shouldnt feel so bad, after all the lying and back stabbing he put you through who can blame you for seeking out another for comfort(whatever you want to call it). i am sorry to say this but do you really think he will change? look at the statistics, you've spent two years of your happiness to help him, so why not search for your own happiness now. you cant live his life for him nor can you help him unless he truly and undoubtedly wants help. maybe loosing you would make him disgusted enough to change, people cant change untill they hate what they are, other peoples opinions really dont matter.

so i think you should focus on your happiness, you may care for him but if you dont love him find someone you do, because thats all you can really do.

He has an addiction and you as his wife should help--along with other professionals--as far as is practicable. You are a cheat and cannot be helped. Best thing to do is to leave him and hope that one day he will find some one who will love him and help him through this most trying of times. He deserves much better. Zero tolerance towards ALL cheating bath scum.

You should of left him along time ago. With any type of drug its very hard to quit. It sounds like hes had allot of relapses. Honestly i don't think hes going to quit doing this drugs or what ever type of drug hes doing.

I would continue cheating if i were you. Hes not going to quit his addiction!Trust me i know. My bf is the same way like yours almost any ways & hes not able to quit his addictions. Thank god his for the most part is pot & cigarettes.

I would just leave your husband & keep seeing the other guy.

Your husband sounds like he's lost in his addiction and I hope he finds happiness within himself but until he does he's only gonna keep hurting you. I'd say move on

You need to get a divorce and be without men for a long while and concentrate on your child. Leave the poor virgin dude alone and move on....you have too much baggage which is unfair to him.

I did not read it all. But I would not take him back. I would divorce him and find someone who is not on drugs and who wants to be involved in your sons life.