What could this lead to?

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OK, here we go again. Be prepared, get your popcorn and relax, if you can. Since the age of 10, my dad has been sexually abusing me. I told my nan because she was the only one I trusted... The only one I loved. In the last 20 years or so, my mum has been drinking HEAVILY, and when I say that, I mean, extremely bad. She's done drugs, I smelt it. A few months after, my nan died. She's the only one that I love. I have no feelings for anyone else. Absolutely no one. My sisters are moaning at me constantly about crap I didn't even do. It depresses me. It really does. But I haven't got started yet. My house? Well, I wouldn't call it a house, a shed I'd say, more or less. Why? Let's see... Well, the back room is covered with dog droppings, so is my kitchen. so is everywhere. I can't even have a proper meal. What I have everyday is basically, break fast bar, school lunch, pot noodle. Yum! I can't even get fed because my mum is so lazy she can't be bothered to clean up. I hate her. No, seriously I do. I don't care if she was dead, I wouldn't even go to her funeral. She's an alcoholic, a sexually rude little s'lut, who only cares about herself, not her family. She's never been there for me, so why should I care now. First of all, I have seen her DILDO, naughty pictures on her phone, such as her self in 'sexy' lingerie, a naked man, and sexual texts. Same with my brother really, almost seen him masturbate, my other brother, saw him have sex with my sisters ex best friend. Great life... I told all this to my sister, want to know what she said? Kelsey, all the boys do that! Great inspiration Kay. You really cheered me up. No you fricking didn't! Like you and my other brothers, they can rot in hell! And when I stay at hers on the weekend, she tells me not to eat out the cupboards, well, sorry Kay, I know its my fault that my so called mum can't cook, just blame it on me. My brothers pick on me so much, it's unreal. I actually chased him around the house with a bamboo stick, trying to kill him. I can't even wash my school clothes because of the kitchen. They smell like dog! My family knows about this, but my mum doesn't know that they know. It's best kept that way for some reason. We don't want the family splitting apart again, they'd say. Well what difference would it make for me? My life's hell already, couldn't get any worse. But of course, its for you guys again, isn't it? Obviously. Anyway, I used to get bullied at school because of the way I smelt. Sad, isn't it? It seems, what ever I don't do, the blame gets put on me. Did I mention I've tried killing my self 9 times. Unfortunetly, it didn't work. Starting when I was 8, I tried killing my self with a butchers knife, the one of them really long knives. Then strangulation and suffocation. My mum is in a constant bad mood, and I can never talk to her about anything. She thinks I'm over reacting. 'Cause she's a good mum. No she's not and she'll never will be. The day my nan died, broke me. My great uncle just died, and because I've had too many days off school, my mum wont let me go to his funeral. Says she doesn't want welfare around. Well I do. You know mum, its not all about what you want, when you want it. She gets on my last nerve all the time, and one day, which is soon, I'm going to have enough and lash out at her. I don't care what people say. I have had enough. I'm so depressed, I can't sleep at night. I asked my mum for some sleeping tablets, now that I'm twelve, and she said ' Kelsey, that's a load of bob! I'm forty two and I can't sleep.' Oh sorry mum I forgot your world only revolves around you. If anybody else died in my family, apart from My 2 Aunties, Uncles, my nephew and my 2 sisters, I don't think I would really care. I would want to go to school, to miss they're funeral. I am sick of this. So sick.. She doesn't believe I'm depressed. None of them do. They always say, 'If you were in my shoes when I was younger..' Or, 'Well you don't know what I've been through'! No, no I don't. And you don't know what I've been through, either. Because you were never there, 'MUM'. Could this lead to fatal depression, or something? Oh and by the way, there's no heating in my shed, so I'm absolutely freezing ALL the time.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Sweetheart if your dad is sexually abusing you; you need to do something about your situation as soon as possible. I'm sorry that you have lost your Nan if she was the only person that you felt able to trust and to talk to, you must feel so alone even in the middle of all the chaos at home. I don't know if it was your mum's mother who died, but it sounds as though your mum is suffering from depression  and is trying to drown her problems with alcohol, if so try to understand that she is probably feeling just as bad as you. I have suffered from depression and it can make life very hard, I didn't even want to get out of bed in the morning because I didn't want to have to talk to other people, I didn't open my mail for months, I didn't answer the door or the telephone I just wanted to curl up and go to sleep and never wake up again, thankfully I got some help and support and now am sure glad to be alive and well. Your mum probably needs help too although she probably won't want it. I sure didn't want it because I really couldn't face talking about my problems to anybody. I was literally dragged to the doctors and forced into his surgery by my husband, and I am now very pleased that he did because I wouldn't have gone I would probably still be hiding away in my bedroom ignoring the phone and the door. It sounds as though your mum is hiding away behind a bottle or a can and may not be much help to you at the moment. Are either of your aunties your mum's sister? Have you tried talking to them about the problems you are having at home, they may be able to help you and your mum. If you feel that you can't talk to them you can and must get help from someone else. You could phone childline free from any phone box their number is 0800 11 11 they can advise you about what your best move would be. You don't need to worry about them contacting your parents or anything, you don't even have to tell them your name if you don't want to. If you are being abused by your dad he needs stopping right now, You could always go in to your nearest police station you can ask to speak to a police woman and tell her what has been happening. They will probably contact social services who can arrange for you to stay somewhere safe while they help to get your home life sorted out, they may try to get your mum some help as well. Good luck hunni

Teagan · Answer

Wow well i am really sorry about all of that and i don't know if my answer is really going to do but i think you should talk to a school guidance counselor and see what they have to say. Those are not healthy living conditions to be in at all i am surprised your sister doesn't take you in knowing thats how things are for you. And yes i know you don't want to hear it but boys are pigs and they will do that kind of stuff and not care who is watching. That doesn't make it ok though! You are so young to be dealing with all of this its so sad. My ex boyfriend went through a situation somewhat like yours except his parents weren't in the picture because they were too busy off in motel rooms doing coke and other types of drugs. He is on numerous pills now too because of it. It didn't effect his sisters as bad as it did him though. So it is possible that you could have developed a form of depression but this is all things you need to talk to your guidance counselor about. Good luck hun i hope things work out in the end for you.

chainrelease · Answer

You have to be prepared to help yourself first...I walked out on mum,dad, brothers and sisters and never been happier. if you are suicidal then you should go to hospital and tell them you do not want to live anymore. They should admit you for you to await to see a physchiatrist....and from there on all the help and support you need will be there. Take this advice from experience. Take care and God Bless

Anonymous · Answer

For Gods sake don't you watch the news? People are getting arrested for sexually abusing their children. I'm not being harsh, I'm stating a fact. I actually feel sorry for you

bernice · Answer

A flying lead change is when the horse changes leads in the air (flying), so the horse doesn't take any extra steps. A easy lead trade is when the horse is brought down to a trot or a walk (commonly) after which picks up the brand new lead. In a simple exchange, you might be only imagined to have one step of trot or stroll between the two canters. A simple lead exchange is meant to help train your horse for flying changes, just get the notion into their head.

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What could this lead to?

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