When will my kitten calm down and play nice?

Question

Hi everyone, I am a new cat owner, I have ALWAYS had dogs throughout my life, and now, at the age of 23, I have opened my home to a feline for the first time. I found her on craigslist, she was found on the street with a couple little scratches on her face and very thin; the woman who found her couldn't keep her b/c her landlord wouldn't let her. I adopted her, and when I took her to the vet he said she was probably only 8 wks old, so we gave her the date of birth of August 27, 2010 (just six months later, to the day, that my shih tzu puppy was born). She had fleas and earmites, so he gave me the solutions for those (in the meantime I kept her away from my puppy, I still put the frontline on him to) he also gave her something for ringworm.

A month later, after that was all cleared up, he ran tests on her to make sure she had no ringworm, earmites, and no feline leukemia (never heard of such a thing), and she passed with flying colors, she even gained two pounds! Now that she was clean and rid of fleas and earmites I felt more comfortable introducing her to my puppy, and she has been doing surprisingly well with it. He loves her, but she is still kind of questionable about him. She lets him sniff her sometimes, and sometimes when he walks over to her kitty condo, she reaches through and tries to get a hold of him or play with his tail. Now that she is older, they are about the same size, he will turn 1 next month, so he is basically done growing, and she has almost caught up to him in size. Will they ever be able to be civil to one another, like some dogs and cats that just cuddle and sleep together?

When we cuddle, she sometimes will nip at me and/or pounce on me from out of no where! Now is this just a kitten thing, because I'm always seeing cats on tv being portrayed as calm lap cats; I even have a friend who's cat is kind and will just sit there letting you pet him. Oh, and that's another thing, she doesn't let me pet her directly on the head like the dog does, she lets me pet and massage the back of her neck and back while I am holding her, but if I walk up to her to pet her, she avoids me. Is this also just a kitten thing that she will grow out of? Will I ever be able to just pet her?

I always have to be cautious around her because I never know if whatever slight move I make will trigger her pounce-iness and/or her nip-iness. I don't want her hurting anyone, so I've decided to get her front paws declawed next month when she gets fixed. That's another thing, will she calm down after being fixed like dogs? Today is her "5 month birthday" (and his 11 month birthday) and she has grown so much withing the last few months, she is so beautiful and so sweet most the time, but like I said, she can be feisty out of now where! So now that you know her whole life story, and you know that I am a completely clueless ameture cat owner who has only ever had dogs, please help me resolve my ignorance. I am curious if she will ever just be one of those calm house cats (she stays inside, my sweet little 3.5 y/o baby boy maltese was hit by a car about 9 mos ago, it was so tragic that I had to move from one parent to the next, so I am EXTREMELY overprotective, and untrusting of others) that justs sits there and lets you walk up and pet, and doesn't pounce each time the dog walks by! My sweet little 5 y/o niece is terrifyed of her, so she only plays with the puppy, in fact no one in my family will pet her, of course I don't blame them. But I am her mommy, so of course I hold her, feed her, clean the litterbox, talk to her etc. Please don't judge the ignorance, just help, thank you so much! Sorry for so much info!

Windi Lea · Accepted Answer

First, let me say thank you on behalf of this kitten, for opening your home and heart to her.  Second, how she is acting is well within normal parameters for a kitten.  Ideally, kittens should not be separated from their moms until 12 weeks or even later. That this kitten got separated from her mom too young is certainly not your fault, but you are the one to deal with the behavioral consequences of it, because she has missed some valuable lessons in how to play nice.  Know that time is the main cure for this.  Somewhere around 12-18 months of age, a kitten's drive to play so much, and so rough begins to diminish noticeably. By the time she is 3 years old, you may find yourself a wee bit nostalgic for her madcap, kittenish ways. 

To reduce the amount of damage she can do to you, your puppy, your family and friends, not to mention your furniture and carpet, you can trim her claws. Have a vet. tech, groomer, or more experienced cat owner show you how to safely clip her claws. In case you cannot get anyone else to show you, here is a video to demonstrate:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ryBvqkSAUo8 I advise waiting until she is relaxed and/or sleeping to clip her claws. If you can only get one or two at a time, that is ok. Bring a few pieces of food or cat treats to give her while you are doing this, because it will help her associate claw clipping with something that she likes. 

Also, be sure you are not playing with her with your bare hands.  Kittens will wrestle and mock-fight with their siblings, their mother, or any cat that becomes a buddy to them, it is part of how they gain strength and learn to protect themselves when they are out in the wild. The other cats have nice thick fur that offers protection from those sharp little claws and teeth - the kitten does not realize that its human friends do not have the same protection. Over time, you want her to learn that hands are for petting and feeding.  There are plenty of interactive toys that you can use to play with the kitten - including some really wacky looking glove thingies that have extended fingers. I have also used an animal-shaped oven mitt to wrassle with my cats.  Use these toys to channel her playful energy. Give her lots of chances to use those developing muscles in ways that do not hurt. In other words, try to get her so worn out from playing with toys, that she has less energy for attacking bare skin when you are not prepared for it.

Sometimes a petting or brushing session suddenly turns into a biting session, or your kitten somehow gets her teeth into you in spite of your precautions while playing. When that happens, try to control your instincts to pull away immediately - that is what a prey animal would do, and it excites the feline more. Instead, you want to push in towards kitten's mouth or body - gently, mind you. So if she's got your finger in her teeth, you will calmly, gently push your finger further into her mouth. The same principle applies to getting out of the kitten's grasp when the claws have sunk into your skin - push in towards kitty's body rather than pulling away.   The goal here is not to punish by sticking your finger down her throat or to hurt in any way, but to surprise the kitten with an action that will cause her to release you. Also, if you can, try to imitate a feline growl - it is one of the ways her mother would have used to correct her behavior when it was not acceptable to her. If you cannot (I know I can't get it right) a firm, calm "No!" will do the trick. Then you back off for a time, and use the social pressure of ignoring the kitten for a while to give the kitten time to calm down and to realize how unacceptable her behavior was.

I hope this helps.

cats 3 · Answer

I agree with most of what Windi Lea said. Just one difference. I would not try to clip her nails while she is sleeping! This could cause her to feel that she isn't safe (from anything) when she wants to take a nap and we know cats HATE having there claws cut and her reaction, to be awakened only to be having her claws cut, could lead to another problem. Apart from this subject, I agree with everything else she answered.  Especially the growling bit. I do this to my 16 month old (when he is a really bad boy) and other times when he "nicks me I HISS at him (like his mother would do. I also, purr when he's calm and quiet (see, I'm not all bad) :)

JP · Answer

How nice of you to take in this kitten. You are her hero!  It sounds like a typical kitten to me.  She probably will calm down with age, love and spaying.  Please consider picking up a book cheap at amazon.com and/or a free one at your local library. It can help a lot.  Cats are all different with different personalities and character traits just like people and it doesn't always come naturally to take care of them.  If you pick up the a book or manual and take notice of your cat's likes and dislikes and respect them, then you will develop a happy cat/household.  If you don't meet your cat's needs in some way, it could be disastrous for the household.  

And I agree...PLEASE don't get your cat declawed.  It is very painful and their claws are essential to the cat's habits.  Like having all your teeth pulled and no dentures.   Makes normal habits painful and difficult.

Best Wishes!

Angie2Gx3 · Answer

Nooo dont ge her declawed please! Its a horri le thing to do she wont hurt anyone my kitten was the same shes just ettjng used to ou shwll start letting you pet her and nippi g and stuff is just her playing shell calm down when she grow shes still a baby and just like to play e mail me if yiu have any more questions id be happy to answer them angiesname@hotmail.com

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When will my kitten calm down and play nice?

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