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can i get some marriage advice please?
my wife and i have been married for 9 years this march we have three kids and a odd reversed rolls marriage. long story short i am a disabled stay home dad who still pays his fair share and does plenty of house work and put's in time with the children.
i have some issues i need advise with my wife works hard 5.30 am to 3.30 pm 5 days a week. and she is always tired , she makes time for everyone outside of our family but none for me.
she hasn't worn a wedding ring since our first child was born and now it doesn't fit , got it resized once but still didn't fit right . i said let's buy a new one and here we are 7 years later still no ring i am 1000 percent positive she isn't cheating.
our sex/romantic life is a joke serious 1 time a month no joke she always has a excuse tired , i'm a jerk , no libido , the kids are always up til her bedtime for her early rise 430 am .
granted i am a jerk, i argue about these topics alot am i just over sensitive Acting like a house wife or is their problems of course theirs problems she never wants to talk about them we watch tv in separate rooms she falls asleep on the couch often.
i feel like it's a marraige of convenience for the children sure we have a good day here and their but it has changed alot.
she is 37 not in or entering menopause has she given up do i leave should i stay please offer advice.
8 Answers
- 1 decade agoFavorite Answer
Nobody is interested in sex when they are overloaded with work and responsibilities.
The spouse is the one person you don't have to stand to attention for and serve.
Home is where you relax amd recharge your batteries for the next day's onslaught.
Consequently one can feel overlooked and taken for granted etc.
But it is a compliment in a way, that home is like that.
Best of luck
- 1 decade ago
Get a sitter for the kids. Plan a place to take her on a date where you can linger for a while and talk. Make sure it's on a night where she doesn't have work the next morning. Prepare a list of questions.
1) Are you happy at your job? What are some of the struggles you have?
2) How am I doing as a husband? What are three areas I can improve? Write these down - take it serious and start to apply it.
3) Would it please you if you could stop working, come home and spend more time with the kids?
If no - you have bigger problems. If yes - then brainstorm ways that you could make this happen. Your disabled, I understand. I know a quadriplegic that makes a living selling sports cards on eBay. Where there is a will there is a way.
4) How can we improve the intimacy in our marriage? Ask, would you be willing to work through a book with me? See sources for some good options.
Source(s): http://www.amazon.com/Intended-Pleasure-Technique-... http://www.amazon.com/Sex-Romance-Glory-God-Christ... http://www.amazon.com/Love-That-Lasts-Marriage-Mee... - 1 decade ago
It sounds like she's burnt out and just going through the motions. A lot of men, when the couple are each in the more traditional roles, feel exactly like that. In your marriage, where the roles are reversed, it's no different. Talk to her about it and find out if she feels the same way. Be plain and direct about what you want the relationship to be. If both of you are willing to make the effort to change things, start by agreeing on one night per week that will be a date night. Get a sitter for the kids and go out to dinner and a movie, or something similar. If money's tight, put the kids to bed early and tell them that they are not to get up until morning. Then just relax and talk, watch a movie on TV, play a board game.... anything to just spend time together and NOT THINK ABOUT WORK OR HOUSEWORK OR KIDS. In short, you two need time to reconnect. You can do it, but it has to be a mutual effort and of a high priority to both of you. Good luck.
- Chica CaribeLv 41 decade ago
You have a lot invested in your marriage. It seems that your marriage is on auto pilot which happens so often. Life just seems to get in the way. I realize it is tough to get away when you have 3 children but I have always found that a romantic vacation helps my husband and I to rekindle our romance and reconnect with each other.
Good luck to you
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- MistyLv 71 decade ago
It sounds typical.
If you can go to counseling, go.
You are both taking each other for granted. Have a talk with her and see if you can work this out. And try doing nice things for her and see if she notices.
- Melissa JLv 41 decade ago
Marriage isn't always meant to be easy. Communication is key. Sit down and talk. Things need to change and nothing will if she ia stuck in such a rut she doesn't see it. Talk to eachother.....good luck.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
She love you but she is not in love with you.
It have become routine for her,maybe if you guys talk and see where
it takes you,otherwise leave her and start a life with someone who cares.
Take Care.