I don't know how I'm going to tell my parents, any good suggestions?

Question

I just found out that I'm about 5 weeks pregnant. I have a doctor appointment in two weeks that will confirm a due date and exactly how far along I am. We have decided to keep the pregnancy a secret (if possible!) until the end of the first trimester. I can't wait to tell everyone, and I know everyone will be thrilled (or at least not unhappy), except for two people. My parents. They hate my boyfriend because they say that me being with him is cheating on my husband (I had filed for divorce before we even STARTED dating, and my divorce was final years ago) and have always been rude to him, even mildly slanderous, talking badly about him to other people. They disapprove on nearly every decision I've ever made without consulting them first (and by consulting, I mean doing exactly what they wanted). However, they're still my parents and I'm uncomfortable with the idea of writing them out of my life, no matter how childish they act.

And since they're my parents, I feel like I should tell them directly instead of them hearing about it from anyone else, which would happen if I started announcing it to friends first.

Has anyone been in the same situation? Does anyone have any tips or suggestions? My first pregnancy was SUPER stressful because of them and I was very sick, lost several pounds, and nearly had to go on bed rest before they stopped being nasty about it. I don't want to do that during this one, too!

Alice Hart · Accepted Answer

I agree with you that you shouldn't cut them off. They're your parents, even if they are sometimes painful to deal with, they are family. I think the way to deal with this is just to put very little weight in the things they say, rather than not talking to them. 
If you're happy with your life and the way things are working out, then them being unhappy with it is their problem and not yours. Let them talk and tell them you appreciate their interest and their input but their concern is unnecessary. Definitely do not let their disapproval stress you out to the point of illness! 
Eventually, hopefully they will realize that they were wrong, but until then, just stay neutral!

Also I'll add that I think to tell them you should just be very up front and clear that you're telling them first out of respect, as they are family, but if they want to create drama it's unnecessary and unwelcome.

xAndreax · Answer

How old are you? You mentioned you previously had a husband, child, and a divorce. I'm guessing you're an adult?

Honestly, you shouldn't worry about what they think. They may be your parents, but that doesn't give them the right to get pissed because you didn't consult them with something first. If you're 18 and older, then you don't have to listen to what they want you to do. Once you're 18 and over, it is officially your turn to have your own family and make your own rules.

You should tell them directly. Like I said, please don't get all stressed out because you did something they didn't want you to do.

? · Answer

I would call them, and very simple say I am pregnant. You can be upset or you can be happy for me, as we are. Either way you have a grandchild on the way. Then pause and listen..if she starts yelling, then simple say call me back when you calm down. Done Easy!! And also do not let yourself get stressed over them it will only hurt you and the baby. Just ignore what they say and enjoy your pregnancy with your boyfriend and friends. Good Luck, and CONGRATS!!!!

LiquidPeppermint · Answer

Cut them off.  Don't make any attempt to see them or talk to them.  If they want to see you, let them make the move.  And if they are nasty, cut the visit or call short.  Sooner or later, they'll get the message.  It's one of those Let them go, and if it's meant to be, they'll come back situations.  Sometimes even parents have to be trained like children to treat people reasonably.

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I don't know how I'm going to tell my parents, any good suggestions?

4 Answers