LiquidPeppermint

My husband has a teenage son from a previous marriage. I have been in this boy's life (literally) since birth. I see him as a son and never make the distinction in my mind between him and my daughter.

His mother has had custody of him in another state for years, and we have him all summer and during holidays. As such, all we've ever seen is a well-mannered, helpful, respectful kid. He doesn't do drugs, drink, have sex or any other extremely alarming thing.

However, this year, his mom was between jobs and asked us if he could come to school here. This thrilled us, as he's always been a poor student, and because his mom was single and going to school and working, we attributed it to her not having the time to spend with him.

The problem is, this kid just WILL NOT get with the program. His dad wanted to go easy on him the first couple of weeks, because he was in a new school, and we didn't want to be seen as ogres of parents, since next year, he will be allowed to choose with whom he lives. We were really hoping that school would go well, and he'd just love it here, and want to stay.

In the past two weeks, he has begun lying to us about small things (whether he laid his clothes out for school, whether his homework was done, when assignments were assigned and due, whether he'd played on the computer before the homework was completed, etc). He's also dropping the ball on studying for tests (he got a78 on a geometry test and was allowed a retest. He scored a 72 on the retest). This was two days AFTER he'd told me that, while his dad and I were at work on a Saturday, he'd spent ALL DAY looking at fight videos online, because he had nothing else to do. He takes over an hour in the shower every morning (and claims he's not doing THAT, if you know what I mean), then nearly half an hour to dress. Again, when I look in on him, he's walking in circles talking to himself.

Every night, he spends HOURS in his room doing homework that should take maybe 1-2 hours. Every time I open his door, he's walking around with a foam sword or talking to himself or playing with a toy gun. This kid is 15. It bothers me a little that he's so immature sometimes. I know he should be doing homework at the kitchen table or out in the open, but his 2 year old sister is constantly distracting him when he does that.

I feel that there should be consequences for the lying, the screwing around instead of homework, and the refusal to study. But I'm also afraid that he may have some undiagnosed learning disability that is causing some of it. I've always maintained that I thought he was mildly autistic. He's obsessive, he must rock to get to sleep, and he makes strange noises out of nowhere sometimes as if he can't help himself. He's very picky about what textures of food he'll eat and is skittish around loud noises.

I maintain that, even if there's a disability, he should be accountable for certain things, and if he doesn't do them, he should see consequences. Like, if he doesn't get to the breakfast table on time, he has to eat cereal instead of the cooked breakfast I make most mornings. No computer before homework, and if he defies that, then no computer for the rest of that evening or the next. If he didn't lay out his clothes, he doesn't get to take a soda to school (his dad lets him take one every morning).

I know a lot of this is our fault for letting him get away with so much, but how do I convince my husband that it's time to crack down and REALLY get this boy doing what he should? My husband wants to be the nice guy with him, but he's just so frustrated with the shenanigans that he's about ready to explode.

Please let me know if you've had a similar experience and what worked for you to get the child back on track

I have a daughter who will be 2 next month. The sad thing is, since I'm a SAHM, and she doesn't have siblings near her age, she doesn't really have any friends. Sometimes she'll play with other kids on the playground, but we've never become friendly, really, with any of them. I do have two coworkers who each have kids about her age. She's met them once or twice, but is kind of shy and doesn't really go for being pushed to play with these kids and will just cling to me when they're around.

We have this place called Big Bounce that is just those big blow-up castles and things like that. They do birthday parties for $100, which include 8 kids, balloons, 2 hour party room, and unlimited play that day on their bouncy toys and mini golf.

These coworkers each have 3 kids. The oldest is 7. I'm wondering if it would be a good idea to try to have a party, spend the money, and invite these guys, since my daughter is so shy and unsure around what are basically strangers. Or should I just have them all in the backyard and grill (it should still be in the 60's in early November in this part of the country) and do cake?

On her first birthday, we just did a cake and had video chats with her grandparents. We could do that again this year.

What's your experience with 2nd birthdays? One friend told me that starting with big parties this early will just make them EXPECT it every year. On the other hand, we might not be able to do it every year, and might be missing the opportunity to give a big party the one year we CAN afford it.

Also, what do parents of invitees expect at birthday parties? I've never done this before, so I don't really know what to do as far as invitations, etc. The food would just be cake and ice cream, and pizza. But should I do some sort of favor/gift bag, or what?

Thanks for your input and advice.

My son got the following question incorrect on a geometry test, and I'm wondering whether anyone can explain why:

Jose wants to put a fence around his rectangular garden. His garden measures 33ft by 39ft. The garden has a path around it that is 3ft wide. How much fencing material does Jose need to enclose the garden and path?

We figured 33ft + 3ft on two sides (72 ft) plus 39ft + 3ft on the other two sides (84 ft), added together is 156 ft. But that was marked incorrect. Can anyone explain why? Thanks.

My daughter is almost 2. Finding Nemo is her absolute favorite movie. It's coming out in 3D in a couple of weeks, and I wonder whether it would be worth the money and trouble to take her to see it. She has never been to a movie before, but she IS able (if she's well-fed and otherwise comfortable) to sit through the movie. I think it would be a good opportunity to take her to her first movie, but would she be able to see the 3D? Or should I just wait for the next animated flick to come along?

My daughter is 21 months old. In the past two months, she's learned her alphabet, and now, she seems overly obsessed with some of the letters. She constantly brings me a crayon and piece of paper and says "Make me a W!" So I do, then she takes it to her dad and requests the same thing. She points it out EVERYWHERE! (she just pointed out the W in "everywhere").

She knows most of the other letters on sight, as well, so it's not that it's just the only letter she knows. There's not a W in her name (though "A" runs a close second, which makes sense, as her first and last name start with it, and we write it all the time for her.)

Is this in any way normal, or do I have an OCD toddler on my hands? I worry because she seems to also "collect" things like crayons, stuffed animals, etc.

Any advice or personal stories would be greatly appreciated.

I have a 15 year old stepson and a 21 month old daughter. We live in the Four Corners area (New Mexico, Utah, Colorado, Arizona). My stepson is going home to his mother at the end of this week, and my husband has taken the week off. We need some ideas of "fun" and inexpensive things to do that we can do as a full family. Generally, if we do something the 15 year old wants to do (he and his dad go shooting, work out, driving lessons, etc), it's not something the baby can do. And if it's something the baby enjoys, it bores the heck out of the 15 year old.

Any thoughts about something we can all do (that's not obvious like going to the park, museum, etc, which we've done to DEATH this summer) to make this last week together special for all of us?

I understand that the women's soccer games consist of 2 45-minute halves. But at the end of each half, there seems to be a minute or two added, solely at the discretion of the referee. Can someone explain to me what this extra time is, and the rules governing it?

I was raised Methodist and was very active in my church as a child. My parents are still active in the church, and I attend when I am in town (which is very rare). However, I do not really care for organized religion or believe that everything in the bible is true or, as it were, "gospel." I have my own hybrid beliefs and spirituality, including a personal commune with "God," or, as I call him, "TPTB" (The Powers That Be). I have always found parables and organized religion to be distasteful and a breeding ground for hypocrisy and "Keeping Up With The Joneses."

That said, today, my daughter brought a book out of her library (we have tons of books that my parents gave her, which were mine when I was a child) about the Christmas Story. I felt hypocritical reading it to her, as I don't really believe that's how it went down. Strangely, I don't feel hypocritical reading her Winnie the Pooh, and I KNOW that's not true.

So my question is this (And I'm sorry it took so long to get here): Should I go ahead and allow my child to be indoctrinated into the Christian way of life? Including the bible, parables, church, etc? I feel that I was very shaped by the morals and ethics of the religion, and I see no harm in THAT. But I don't want to appear to be forcing a faith on her that she doesn't share.

I have no problem if she decides later in life that she wants to be a full-fledged Christian (or Muslim or Jew or Atheist), but what, in your opinion, is the best indoctrination for a 20 month old baby, considering that I was raised Christian and now don't fully embrace the religion? And should I go ahead and read her parables, just as stories with a moral, rather than as fact?

Thanks for your opinions on the matter.

My daughter has just started talking in sentences. She cracks me up. The other night, we were at a friend's house at a pool party. As dusk fell, she said, "It's dark o'clock! Let's go home!"

Then, last week, we were at the store. She had a sippy cup and kept throwing it down. The fifth time I picked it up, I said, "Don't you throw this down again. Do you understand?" She replied, "I MEAN it!" I suppose I say that a lot.

So share some funny things your toddler has said, just for fun!

Just thought this might be an entertaining exercise. I've said the following:

No, Honey. You CAN'T eat the wall.

Don't you put that spoon in your nose.

Is there a penny up your butt AGAIN?!

So tell me some of yours.

My daughter is now 18 months old. Her poor diaper bag is beat all to heck, coming apart, etc, and it's time for something new. It's good timing, because we're going to Las Vegas next week. I'm thinking it might do to just purchase a large backpack instead of another diaper bag. It seems that there's plenty of room in one, and it would be oh-so-much more convenient not to have to carry it the way you have to carry a diaper bag, and be able to have it on my back.

My question is this: Can you think of any drawbacks to using a backpack as a diaper bag? Or do you have any other suggestions for something that might work for us?

Thanks for your experience!

Today I took my 18 month old daughter to the park. There were several kids there, including one little girl who I estimate to be about 2 1/2-3 years old. This little girl was wearing NOTHING but a diaper (which was dirty inside and out). It was about 85 degrees out, and the playground is all sand under the slides/swings, etc. So I know that ground was hot on her little feet. I assumed she was there with a group of kids who were playing with her, but when their parents called them to lunch, she stayed on the playground.

This left her and my daughter as the only kids. She clearly wanted to play with my daughter, and at first I allowed it. But upon close review, not only was her diaper full and dirty, but she had snot running all the way from her nose and literally DRIPPING from her chin.

Realizing that she needed her nose blown, I looked for her parent. I asked whether anyone at the park knew who her mama was. No one did. No one was watching her play. There was just no one paying any attention to this child.

So I took my daughter by the hand and went to this girl. I bent down to ask her where her mama was and took out a kleenex to wipe her nose. As soon as I did this, an older woman got out of a truck a quarter mile away and came to claim the girl. She was smiling and laughing (on the phone), but picked up the baby and put her in the truck, no car seat, nothing, and drove off.

I was THIS CLOSE to calling the police before the (I think it was grandmother) came and got her, and considered calling them when I had the tag number of the truck.

My husband says it was wrong to touch another person's child outside of an emergency (which I did only to giver her a kleenex to wipe her nose). What would you have done? Should I have called the police anyway? Should I have chastised the caregiver who picked up the baby? I sure as heck wanted to.

I just know I've already bought my daughter some toys that I wish I'd never even seen. One is a little laptop computer that plays games and is really too advanced for her. But she knows how to turn it on and play the music on it. The music will continue playing for 5 minutes while a squirrel encourages her to "Choose an activity!" over and over and over and over and over. She doesn't know how to do the activities, but she likes the music, and it drives me NUTS!!!! I bought it because she loves my computer so much, I thought she should have her own. But now I wish I'd never set eyes on this darn thing!

Any other stories of toys you wish your child DIDN'T have?

I have a 17 month old. Today, she did something she's never done before. She was begging my attention (which she generally gets 24/7, but my mother just had a stroke, and I was on my phone with my father, trying to get more information), and I was just patting her and trying to keep her from crying so that I could hear him. She stopped and went to sit a few feet away. When I looked up at her again, she had her wrist in her mouth, biting down. I pulled her arm away, and saw that she had bitten herself hard enough to leave marks. I tried not to make too big a deal of it.

Later, though (and I've given her plenty of attention today), she was playing with some toys, this time in my lap, and once again, she put the back of her hand in her mouth and bit herself. She's usually quite good about playing by herself for a few minutes at a time. She just doesn't seem to want to do it today, and the biting thing really has me concerned. She's never done anything like this before. She's also been extremely fussy today, inconsolable at times. This is also unusual. She does have two molars coming in, and I wonder if that's it. She also ate some Easter candy yesterday and had trouble sleeping last night because of it. But she napped an extra hour today. Anyone have an idea what could be going on with her?

My daughter is 15 months old, and I think she may be showing signs of readiness for potty training. She grabs herself when she pees and says "Uh-oh!" And when she poops, she says "I poo!" She also says "I fart!" when she farts. I've already put the potty chair in the bathroom where she can get used to it, but should I start trying to put her on it? I do NOT want to push her too hard, too fast, but I also don't want to give up an advantage if she's ready to learn now.

This is my first daughter. I have a stepson, but he's 14, and I really don't remember how it went when we potty trained him.

What are some signs of readiness, and do you other parents who've been through this think she could be ready? Or is it just too early to try?

My daughter has her first bad cold at 14 months old. There are boogers EVERYWHERE, LOL! I've been constantly wiping her nose with Kleenex. Her cheeks, nose, and upper lip are now red and chapped from this. I've switched to using a clean baby washcloth, but she's still miserable and cries every time I have to wipe her nose (about six times per hour!) I've tried to keep her clear with a nasal aspirator, but that only does so much. My question is: Is there anything I can do to make the whole nose-wiping less miserable for her?

When I brought my daughter home from the hospital, they gave us a nasal aspirator. I had also bought one at Wal-Mart. The one from the hospital was awesome, but the one I bought from Wal-Mart was not so great. In the ensuing 14 months, I lost the hospital one. I still have the other, but it just doesn't work very well. My daughter now has her first super-boogery cold, and I'd love to have a nasal aspirator that's worth a darn. Any advice as to where to get one?

I'm thinking about weaning my 12 1/2 month old daughter, and I'd like to know how some of you did with it, as far as losing the bonding and your child taking it badly. I gave it a shot this week, trying to cut out daytime feedings completely. It did not go well. My daughter seemed to actually be depressed. Not only did she scream bloody murder at naptime, but part of the time she acted like I was a stranger and wouldn't come near me, clinging to Daddy. The other part of the time, she clung to me and just moped.

I had cut out lunch and dinner feedings, but still gave her breakfast, mid-morning, naptime, and bedtime feedings. She was doing well with solid foods and formula for lunch and dinner. Then she was sick for a few days (doctor said it was a viral infection), and all she wanted was breast because her throat was sore and she wanted the comfort, so we got off-track, going back to six or eight feedings per day.

Once she was feeling better, I tried the weaning, and she just seemed so depressed that I gave in. Now we're back to everything but lunch and dinner feedings.

So how did you do it? Are there any tricks? She doesn't take a bottle or pacifier (never has), and drinks formula and cow's milk from a sippee cup. She has a comfort toy, but she doesn't want anything when I'm not breastfeeding.

I have given some consideration to the reasons that I want to wean. And yes, they're mostly selfish. But I don't feel that I'll be a better mother for giving into her. She fights nursing manners as much as she fights weaning. So where to draw the line?

Please, just let me know what your experiences with this are, how old was your child, and how did s/he react? How did you handle it?

Thank you!

My daughter is 12 1/2 months old. She has been breastfed from the beginning. I started giving solid meals and formula twice per day a month ago, and we managed to cut out two of eight daily breastfeedings. Then she got the flu, and the only thing she'd eat was breast milk, so I gave in and let her have her lunch and dinner feedings back.

For many reasons, I have decided now that it is time to wean her. I've heard that dropping one feeding at a time is the easiest way to do it, and it WAS easy to drop those first two feedings earlier, but since she was sick, she just doesn't seem as interested in real food at all. Ive cut out breastfeedings during the day, taking us down to three feedings (breakfast, bedtime, and midnight). However, my daughter WILL NOT eat anything during the day, except the occasional spoonful or two of macaroni (which, up to a couple of weeks ago, was her favorite thing in the world) or mashed potatoes. She won't even eat the Gerber Grabbers fruit purees that she used to love.

Is taking away all daytime feedings too dramatic for her? I was planning to do this for a week, then take away everything but the bedtime feeding next week, then after a week, stop that as well. Why won't she eat? She's clearly hungry, I can hear her stomach growling. I offer her food four or five times per day. Different things. She won't drink any milk or formula at all. She used to happily take formula, but she won't now. All food, she just shakes her head hard at, and fusses if I try to force it. Any advice from other moms who've weaned? Please no one telling me that I just need to continue to breastfeed.

My daughter is 12 months and 1 day old. I know it's about time to introduce whole milk. She's been primarily breastfed, but I've weaned her to two night and one morning feeding. The rest of the day, she receives formula with her meals. I was going to ask her doctor at her one-year appointment tomorrow whether it's time to switch from formula to whole milk. However, due to a conflict at the doctor's office (flu season made them have a lot of appointments tomorrow), her appointment is changed to Monday. I have about a day's worth of powdered formula left. So when I go to the grocery store tomorrow, should I buy her whole milk (we drink 1%, and I know that she shouldn't get reduced-fat milk until at least 2 years) or continue with formula? Or should I do both? Of course, I always have the option to go BACK to the grocery for whatever she needs, but I'd just like someone to weigh in.

Thanks.