Do my parents favour my Brother?

Question

I’m 30 and my brother is 2 years older than me. All my life, I’ve felt that my parents favour my brother. When I was at school, I was bullied and had little friends; my brother on the other hand was massively popular. I went from being loud and confident to quite the contrary. My brother also wished he had a ‘cool’ sister and used to bully be too and was ashamed that I wasn’t popular. So my family life suffered, plus he used to punch me a lot. He also had girl friends and at family parties, he’d get lots of attention being paired up, with me being billy no mates ‘Bridget Jones’. My brother also used to lie, take drugs and a few times crashed mum’s car. I, on the other hand never did anything wrong and always helps around the house, cleaned, cooked dinners and so on.

Moreover, my dad loves motorsport and when my brother took up karting and he turned out to be really good at it, so my dad’s obsession grew (he used to be a rally driver in the 70s). As my brother really wanted to be successful, he would take it out on my dad for not being rich enough to support him (plus he had rich friends too) and would have regular fights. Then my brother would threaten to find someone else to do the mechanics, but as my dad loved doing it, he just let him get away with bad behaviour and my parents didn’t strand up for him. 

I also loved motorsport and landed a great job in the sport, my dad’s attention for me grew a little, but after I was made redundant, my dad’s attention went away. But, like a sucker I used to do my brother’s PR for him, although if I didn’t make a cup of tea at race weekends, my brother would treat me like a freeloader and would yell at me, but dad wouldn’t stick up for me and stay out of it. But if I yelled back, my dad would say to me “stop it!”

Additionally, as my brother doesn’t live locally and has a great job elsewhere, when he comes home, my dad gets really excited, naturally. As he’s been lucky too with getting a great job, he can treat my parents, quite often, sometimes me (on the business account, not out of his pocket), but I can’t afford to do the same. I sometimes get free (stolen) products from him, but when I used to get free legit event’s tickets, that were nothing in comparison. That’s how he repays me for the PR work…so he says. 

Recently, there was a similar job to the one I was made redundant from at my brother’s work, but he told me about is too late for the application and couldn’t apply. I naturally was upset (because of the stuff I do for him) and was angry. I emotionally told my dad and he stuck up for him, saying “he’s got a job to do and he mustn’t of thought it would have been of any interest to you…an so on”. My dad also said, “there’s loads of jobs out there…get one of them” Yeah right…RECESSION!!! I felt that my career wasn’t as important.

Now, my brother is looking to be self employed and getting married, so he can’t treat my parents like he used to. So now, more then ever, I need to put my hand in my pocket. It’s to a point that I may have to not see my family as much, because I can’t afford to go out for dinner as much as them. My dad likes to quip saying, “so, dinks on you then” and then if I appeared a bit shocked, my brother would remind me about the times he takes me out (on his employer’s account, not his). 

So again, the focus is back on him and as nothing changes in my life - I’m feeling invisible.

Do you think I’m right and he get favoured more?

IslandOfApples · Accepted Answer

It does sound like they favor him. You seemed to have put up with a lot of crap. Personally I don't know how you did it! I would have just found something else to pursue and let them have each other. 
I am totally against working for and with family, they always want you to throw them and extra bone..
My advice to you would be to stop reaching out for so much, find your own way in life. And if you come across a great job opportunity, just go for it. Your 30, you do not need their approval!
I learned from experiences that mirror yours in some ways, that not to expect any sort of encouragement or praise from people like that. 
Also, when your brother is around just busy yourself with other stuff. They want to go out and have drinks, well good for them..Remember, your in control of your life, you do not need to spend so much time trying to get them to see your side. It's not going to happen.
I really wish you well, and I hope you do find your way.

Angel Belle · Answer

That's horrible! But i know exactly how you feel. I am the youngest of four. I had and older sister and two brother's. Like you even though i didn't do any of the bad stuff like drinking or anything i still got thought of as the black sheep of the family. And like you also i had very similar daddy issues. So what i did was go through mum. If you are close to her at all you say how you feel unloved and that your dad never gave you the attention or praise you deserved or deserve and she usually says something ( but don't ask her to say anything) Or you can head the problem straight on and even though it sounds crazy have a mini argument about how he's treated you unfairly and that your his child too and deserve the same respect. I did both with my parents and now there treating me better than ever. And don't try to fight your brother for attention, use your money on yourself not them, parents and brother should pay for themselves while going out. Regardless of if he has paid for you, bring that up next time. But i think mainly is that you need to sop fighting for you families affection. I know how you feel! But sometimes parents choose a favorite and that will usually never change no matter what you do. So make how you feel known and be distant for a while for it to sink in and let them know your upset. If there genuine people then they will come to you.

Anonymous · Answer

Sounds like he is the favorite in the family. Lame. Favoritism is dumb in families and only causes strife. And the fact your brother pays you with stolen goods is just ridiculous. He's not doing you any favors by doing that.

Maybe you should try to get out of any career paths that would intersect you with your family. They don't seem helpful to you in that respect and they seem to put you down a lot. Why not work for someone else? You can explain it to your family that you just found an opportunity you couldn't pass up.

By the way, get some KFC, it'll make you feel better. No one can resist the Colonel's secret recipe.

? · Answer

I know how you feel, my younger brother is the favorite and everybody knows it. He got whatever he wanted whenever he wanted it. He got an allowance when I didn&#x27;t, and he didn&#x27;t even do the work. He would tell me mom left me a list and I did it thinking it was true. He got to go out with friends, go to birthday parties and sleep overs and stuff while I was made to stay at home missing everything and later getting bullied over it. I was beaten up badly as a kid and my mom refused to take me to a doctor over it, my brother gets hurt and she rushes him there. My dad abused me as a kid but not my brother. He physically abused me 2 years ago and my family did nothing as he beat me. He verbally abuses me calling me a whore and a ****. I couldn&#x27;t even step out on the porch to get the mail without him asking who I was ******* and spreading my legs for. Now he runs the house and they let him, but got upset when I left short notice with my son to be with my fiancée. I don&#x27;t consider them family.

? · Answer

My mum and dad desire my youthful brother additionally, i think of it incredibly is the actual undeniable fact that they think of he's helpless and say that he's purely #, even nevertheless whilst i replace into that age I acted otherwise.

The EcoAmbassador · Answer

Sometimes the eldest kid get some extra attention from their parents! Try to forgive your parents - they are only humans!

? · Answer

I don't think so.  It sounds like a simple case of sibling rivalry and jealousy.

I_love_my_mom · Answer

i hate that. Sometimes I feel the same way.

Anonymous · Answer

your parents hate you

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Do my parents favour my Brother?

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