I m so sick of myself. what to do?

Ok to start with i am an 18 year old guy.

My 3 year relationship is now string thing and i dont know how long it would last now. Every time i meet my girlfriend i feel like she want me to break up with her and she is only sticking with me as she know leaving me will almost brick me out.

I search for such obscure content on net that i feel shame full to even tell and no its not normal porn a teenager search. I spend like 3 hrs a day doing crap on my computer and nothing more.

And to add i have turned from an above avg student to below avg

I try my best to avoid going out and meeting and getting acquainted to new people. I dont care how i look and haven't buy and clothes for like a year..

My relation with my parents is worst it can get. I hate my mom and haven't talk to them for a long while.

And no i wasnt born this way. These changes came slowly into me in a last year and no matter how hard i try i cant figure out what brought them.

The only thing i feel left is drugs. Sometimes i feel like i should try them to get relaxed for a time being . I m getting so sick of myself. I need HELP. I dont know from whom.