Am I wrong for being upset that my fiance asked his mother to make wedding favors without talking with me 1st?

1) it is better to skip favors altogether and donate in private, than to donate instead of favors and brag about it to your guests. That's what they will see it as- bragging. And that's what it is. Your financial contributions and your chosen causes are a private matter. Charity is not CHARITY if you use it for selfish reasons of making yourself look good. Of course, I know that's not your intentions! I'm just explaining why it as seen as rude, and what your guests will think if you were to go ahead with that plan.

2) If your MIL is making a food-related favor, go for it. If she's making some sort of artsy/crafty thing, don't. Tell her you really want to stick to the tradition of favors being food items (because that IS the tradition) and work with her to come up with a plan for something that both of you like and can do. I agree with the others that it's better to not fight this battle, and to let her have a project so she feels involved. But I also am a purist, and I would never EVER recommend doing something kitschy for a favor because it will be a waste of time and money. Favors should be a food item, otherwise your guests are going to trash them and all of that will have been for nothing. If you emphasize on the tradition of that, I'm sure she'd love to make baggies of candy or nuts, or perhaps bake and decorate themed-cookies. And YOU can brainstorm with her, and make sure it fits your vision, or at least the new modified vision.

3) In private, talk to your fiance. Tell him you would love to hear his ideas, but you want to discuss them together before enlisting other people to help with the wedding. One simple conversation (not a fight) will solve that problem, and make sure you run everything YOU are planning by him as well.

4) favors really aren't that important, many people are skipping them altogether these days because it's a waste of money.

Good luck!

He should have spoken to you first. However, it is not the end of the world. And your wedding should still be beautiful. Just let it go. Sometimes wedding planning stress gets the best of people and they get so overwhelmed that decisions are not made clearly. My husband and I both had these moments when we were planning our wedding. And by the way, I find that eventhough it is a trend that making a donation to charity in lew of having wedding favors is a bit rude and tacky. People come to your wedding as pretty much a favor to you. So, the least you could do is give them a little something to say thank you for coming. And by the way, I have not seen many favors go into the garbage. So, I do not know where you got your info from.

Let it go! This is not something to get upset about. Wedding favors are completely unimportant in the scheme of things. As you get older, you start to realize that getting upset over inconsequential things such as wedding favors is a waste of time!

Should your fiance have discussed this with you before asking his mother to make the favors? Absolutely! But, he was motivated by kindness and love towards his mother. He wasn't out to hurt you or make your life miserable!

Letting his mother make the favors is much better than making a donation to charity as your favor. That is a trend now, but it is a BAD one. How is that a favor for the guests? What if your guests disagree with the charity? Give a donation to the charity if you want to, but leave the guests out of it. Announcing that you've given money that would have been spent for favors to charity only makes you look like you are looking for praise. No, his mother making some sort of tangible favor for your guests is MUCH better.

Let this go and don't even yell at your fiance about it. It just isn't important.

Let it go. Seriously, please, just let it go.

Your donation in lieu of favors is actually in poor taste. What if the charity you chose is not a charity one or more of your guests wishes to be associated with? Don't get me wrong here, donations are great, but just assuming that all your guests wish to be associated with the charity you choose is wrong.

Furthermore, your mother making the favors keeps her out of your hair. If she is off tying ribbons around tulle, then that is just that much more time she is not pestering you about this, that, and the other thing.

Listen...look on the bright side here....

1) They are wedding favors...not ONE guest will CARE if they reflect your 'theme' match your decor or not...they are just wedding favors....AND the vast majority of people take those silly bits of nonsense and either trash 'em at first opportunity, give em to some kid to play with, or just leave them....think about it-who wants some piece of cheap cutesy junk with some one else's name on it gathering dust in a drawer.....

2) It will keep her occupied and out of your HAIR....would you have her getting involved in some other aspects of your wedding??????

3) They can be 'passed out' at the end of the evening that way you avoid them 'contaminating' your wedding 'look'.....tell her that way they won't get lost or damaged in the table clutter as the meal progresses....or the servers may accidentally carry them off.....

Honestly Hon, this is a wedding and you are NOT auditioning for a spot as a Martha Stewart Wanna-Be...lighten up. If some silly wedding favors keeps the MIL happy, it's worth it to the future of your marriage...consider it INSURANCE.

...and I Guarantee NO ONE will get into a huddle and say ''OMG did you just SEE the wedding favors on the table???? They ruined the entire wedding!"

Yes, you are.

A happy mother-in-law means a happy life. She's ecstatic, and it doesn't cost you anything. I'm sure you have made a million decisions about the wedding without consulting the groom...it's as much his wedding as yours.

You are over-thinking this. It's a party, nothing more. I don't remember the decor of any wedding I've been to. I remember the food and the people.

I would let this one go. It will make your mother-in-law very happy to do this. Besides the "donation in lieu of wedding favors" is a new, rude trend. You are telling your guests, "We took the money that we were going to use for little presents for you and instead donated it to a charity of our choice." Donations to charity should not be a public announcement. If you still want to donate money to charity, do so, but keep it to yourselves and not at the expense of your guests.

Sure he should have spoke to your first. But this isn't such a huge deal...pick you battles. At the end of the day...you will be married...period.

Say "Babe, you asked your mom to make the favors..and I wish you would have talked to me about it first. Next time can you do that?....let me know about decisions first?"

he'll say "ok"

You'll say "thanks"

Problem solved.

If you don't like the favors...so what? It's not what is important.

Fallgall has the right idea. A donation in place of favors is extremely rude. You may ask for a donation in lieu of WEDDING GIFTS but not favors!

I think you should let this one go.

Let her do it...mother's of the groom are usually left out ( except for being asked to pay for various things)

My mother paid for 1/2 of my brother's 30 thousand dollar wedding and wasn't asked her opinion on anything.........The bride ran the show........

Just let her do it..it will make her happy as well as you fiance