I wonder if I'm sacrificing myself for him to be happy with me. am I?

Question

I've been having mixed thoughts on my boyfriend of almost 2 years. I'm 19, gonna graduate college with bachelors degree next year.. and i love my boyfriend.. i do.
but i'm forced to give up certain things to be with him. a) i will never be able to go out dancing with my girlfriends because he doesn't trust other guys around me. he's afraid that they will all hit on me and not leave me alone. b) my life long passion of dancing is out the window. i've been dancing ballroom since i was 6 years old and he won't dance with me even like socially nor will he let me have a dance partner claiming that "i'm not stopping you. i don't like it. and it may be very dangerous for your dance partner." he thinks that it's gay and that all  men that dance are gay and that if he were to dance with me, he'd do that, but we wouldn't be able to tell anyone out of our friends or family, meaning keep it an absolute secret.
and he's stopped doing those sweet things for me. we've had fights about him not bringing me flowers any more. i feel like a total b**ch for being on his case about it but it bothers me that before he used to bring me flowers every week and now it's like twice a year at best. he didn't take me out for our year and a half or valentine's day, even though he promised. oh and no flowers on valentine's day either.

he's a good guy though. he has a good future like me. we both go to the same university for business administration  bachelor degree, will both graduate probably after spring quarter next year..families love us both, we love each others' families. we've been together for almost two years (June 5th), and I just dunno how it would be if we broke up. I don't even like anyone else around..no one has ever caught my attention since we've been together.

is it okay to give up a few very important things to be with someone? or have I changed myself too far for him and need to stand up for myself?
I really don't want to end things with him because I really do love him. I'm just worried I've lost myself for him or have signed a contract for the rest of my life to be a stay at home wife, not being able to go out with friends ever..
:-/

Orla C · Accepted Answer

A man that controlling is not worth having. He's making you give up something you love because HE'S insecure. Ditch him. 

Yeah, yeah, you love him, blah blah .... honey, no matter how much you love a man, you should ALWAYS love yourself just that little bit more, so that you know to walk away when things look wrong - and they couldn't look more wrong that him wanting you to stop doing something you love. 

Walk.

Anonymous · Answer

1) what does it matter if guys keep hitting on you if your own, you have the right to say no - it doesn't sound like he has enough respect for you or maybe women in general to do the right thing, that would be a deal breaker for me.

2)The dancing and not having a partner is quite honestly just pathetic, if as he says they are all gay then what is the harm in you dancing with them and again does he not have enough respect for you to do the right thing.

3) I wouldn't do a year and a half anniversary and I don't do valentines day because I think it just a commercial con. I'd rather my man was thoughtful and considerate on a day to day basis but I don't get the feeling he's that good at that either. 

4) you say you have both got a good future ahead of you. Do you though? He won't let you go out, he won't let you dance what makes you think he'll let you work, who knows what men you might meet at work.

It is good to compromise in a relationship but this is not compromising this is being controlled and that is a form of abuse. You need to take a step back and ask yourself if the life you have ahead will fulfil you as a person and if you are even questioning it then the answer is no and you need to leave him. Good luck in the future.

? · Answer

Sounds like he has a lot of insecurities, don't stop what you love for the sake of your boyfriend, by letting him control your life your relationship won't last for very long. You can sacrifice one or two things but don't make your boyfriend control you and let him take direction and if you let him he'll always be on the drivers seat.

So he thinks by dancing in that matter you will turn gay? His an idiot and a homophobic, he doesn't know what elegant dancing is and yet he thinks he knows crap! Just ignore him his being selfish do your own thing and worry about your dancing career and if he doesn't like it then tell him he doesn't control you either way your better off without him but since you love him too much take some advice from family and friends don't keep it a secret ok it's not good to keep it all bottled up on your own.

Ellen · Answer

there is no genral one-shot answer to a question like this. you've got to think deep and decide for your self. because dancing is your passion , then i think its not a wise thing to be around a person who does not appreciate your passion. this is called incompatibility. as for the flowers thing - well most men forget it eventaully i think, its only the first few months that they give it and anyway i dont think you should make that much an issue. sometimes we need to sacrifise i suppose. for example people chage their religions for love. people also stop bad habbits like drinking etc for love. since you are not married you are not commited. you also very young. there is no yes or no here. you ve got to figure it out depending on your personality. think in front 10 years and then imagine that you are looking back. will you be happy with your life? then decide. good luck.

Athene · Answer

If he is already stopping making an effort for you, believe me, he will get even worse once you are married.
You are already not totally happy with this man. Things are not going to get better...

Giving up your main hobby will gradually build up  alevel of resentment in you. At the moment you have your studies and lots of his company, In married life, it will be lots of work, less of him, and your hobbies will sustain you. If you don't have any, where will you get your sense of personal identity? What will you use to boost yourself when things get you down?

Anonymous · Answer

There are very few men, if any, who dance and are gay.

Personally, I wouldn't hang around a guy who did not dance.

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I wonder if I'm sacrificing myself for him to be happy with me. am I?

6 Answers