Senior ladies, how did you handle situations like these?

I have been where you are a few times in my marriage, but...being me, I confronted him immediately! I was not about to be used by him, nor anyone like that! Making love with our spouses is suppose to be a special and sharing time. If ever it is anything less than this, you need to have a serious heart to heart.

I wish you the best, but you do have control over this and over the way someone treats you! Never allow anyone to make you feel this way! You deserve better.

what people do behind closed doors is no ones business however you asked the question so here's my answer. People fake a lot of thngs in life and usually it's because they get what they want or need in the end be it taken to dinner, given a loan they don't have to pay back, have money for college, or have a roof over their head and food on the table, or because they have kids, or even because they have low self esteem, or maybe just to keep a marriage together, or because it's their religion that requires them to stay married, or even for the community's sake, so they tolerate each other. One cannot judge another's intentions and also one never knows the temperament of the other person or just how they would respond to a situation, and nor are we to make that determination for them.

today someone would say either that a man is a jerk if he treats someone badly during the day then wants sex at night and wants her to comply. It would be understandable if the woman who for whatever reason were beaten by her husband and then forced into a rape situation at night but it wouldn't be right and would be best if she got away from him and asked for help. But that's not your situation but it could lead to that so watch for the signs.

your life is what you decide it to be. Like I said some women fake it, and even fake it for fifty or more years. Others divorce if they can support themselves. There are some states that have the "no-fault divorce" but yet in other states the man can haunt you forever, so see it depends on what kind of man you have. Some you can talk and reason with, others you cannot.

Your relationship sounds so unbalanced and it appears you are playing a 'victim role'. In order for a female to allow herself to be used by her husband after he has emotionally abused her, the female must have low self-esteem. You must feel like you deserve to be treated badly.

I would like to see you first have some counselling to empower yourself. You need to be able to separate your thoughts from your feelings and to not allow your feelings/emotions overwhelm you.

Lets say you and your husband are discussing what to do with the spare room. He wants to put his gym equipment in there and you want to set it up as an art studio and sewing room. He criticises your pottery skills in an effort to prevent you from buying that pottery wheel and small kiln. Now you know your pottery skills are excellent (you've sold pieces from your classes) yet what he has said hurts your feelings. This is where 'knowing the difference between thoughts and feelings come into it'. You know you are good at pottery, yet you feel hurt by his criticism. You can spin this around and realise that he is trying to be funny and is almost at the relenting stage and is going to put his gym equipment in the garage and give you the spare room. Instead though you go inside yourself and your 'feelings' and they start to overwhelm you and you go on to remember all the other hurts he has committed against you.* Then night-time comes and he is feeling amorous and you have been having negative thoughts about him and holding onto the hurt all afternoon. Cognitive Behaviour Therapy (CBT) will help you recognise these negative thoughts and how they lead to ones emotions overwhelming them. You will also learn how to make a snappy but funny comeback to his 'little criticisms' of you.

* Your husband senses that you have retreated inside yourself and is baffled by it. It annoys him that you have not responded to his sarcastic criticisms of your pottery skills with a snappy aside about his puny muscles. He misses the funny sparring matches you two used to have.

Once you have finished your course in self-empowerment it is time for you and your husband to go to a 'couples communication course'.

Additional 4 Hours Later:

If my husband spoke to me in way I did not like he would be sleeping on the couch that night. I would grill him the next day on how he should be treating me and he would have to repeat back to me how he should behave. And of course say 'sorry' and explain what he means by saying 'sorry'.

I remember once asking my husband if he thought yelling at me was foreplay.

He wasn't abusive, but if we disagreed about something, he could get pretty loud, and he just didn't see how the yelling had anything to do with the sex.

You need to talk to him tell him what you just told us.. I've married almost 40 years and I would not have sex if it felt like a chore ever. ...never in all these years have I and would not start now..

I would not make love with my husband if he treated me so badly. Just wouldn't do it because I wouldn't be feeling the love I have to feel in order to make love. Anything else is just getting your rocks off.

From experience I learned that most men separate sex and arguments. Depending on your overall relationship,try to make a place between the argument and going to bed. It doesn't have to be anything major. Maybe just reaffirm your love for him and let him know how you feel. Try to have a little snuggle time before you actually have sex. If this kind of thing continues to happen,it may be time for some outside intervention. You are talking about the rest of your lives together. It's worth getting this issue settled.

I leave and don't come back until things cool off.

I always tell him "Don't make me hate you".

He doesn't push it.

He's never made me feel like turning him away.

This type of sexual bondage is about power not love and intimacy and the "mature" thing to do is take back your power. i have several suggestions but they aren't healthy so i''ll just stop here. i'm sorry for your situation, to me its emotional rape...i will think about you and pray for you...

Why would you even think about staying with someone who mistreats you?

He wants to have sex with you after emotionally abusing you, because it is yet another power trip for him to have you submissive and humiliated.

Leave the jerk, you deserve better than that!