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Do you consider "separated" to mean "single"?
I have been separated from my husband since January 2010. Last Saturday, I drove 2 hours out to an island (there is a bridge to the mainland) to view a room that I am interested in renting. Myself and the landlord will be the only two people living in the home. He had several people interested in the room but I loved the place, it is right by the beach. He picked me as his renter, probably mostly because I offered to pay a little more than what he was asking for rent.
I noticed that he is attractive. I also felt very safe with him, like I would have no worries living in the same house with him. He's very professional and nice.
He called me 2 days ago, in response to an e-mail that I had sent him asking a couple of questions about the house. I never asked him or implied any question like this, but he told me that he is separated. In the same sentence, he said, "since I am a bachelor..."
I didn't respond to this at the time, but I definitely noticed it.
I sent him an e-mail yesterday regarding an item that I was going to have sent to the house, and I mentioned briefly that I am separated also. He wrote back and gave me some personal details about his separation, none of which I had asked for at all, and most of which had no relation to anything I needed to know about the house.
I do not consider myself to be single, since I am still legally married.
But he clearly considers "separated" to mean "single."
He has been separated since May 2010 (again, I never asked him that, he volunteered the information.)
Do you consider "separated" to mean "single"?
If you do not, how do you think I should drop it into the conversation that I do not?
If you do, what are your thoughts on this? (I don't want to ask him what his thoughts are on this, I barely know him and I do not want to have that conversation with him.)
Thank you!
bestever: No divorce is planned. My husband and I are platonic friends; we do not have sex, but we talk and see each other occasionally. We get along pretty well, as long as we don't have to live in the same house!
Neither of us wants the hassle and stress of a divorce, and neither of us wants to ever get married again, so we don't see the point of divorcing.
La Vie: Hi, what a great name, I love French. My husband and I get along pretty well NOW, but when we were under the same roof, we were fighting constantly! The divorce process would most likely bring back that stressful, adversarial spirit between the two of us. He and I both like things a lot better exactly how they are now.
I guess this is a hot-button issue and people have all sorts of different thoughts all over the board! I appreciate everyone who took the time to share their thoughts, thank you all. (except the guy who told me to "grow up" - I am not sure where that comment came from, and I thought that was unnecessary and didn't care for it, but it probably was based on some false assumptions about me and/or my situation.)
21 Answers
- 1 decade agoFavorite Answer
it can mean whatever you want it to mean. there is no right definition for separated. your meaning and his could be different. in fact, what you think is morally right after separation could be very different from his. if you really are stressed over this, you need to have a basic lunch with him and explain your situation. being upfront and honest is good. but also keep in mind, that any relationship with your landlord is going to really be difficult if you ever break up.
- 5 years ago
IMO separated can mean a couple of things. First, it is a legal state required by government prior to being legally divorced or Second, it is a state of living separately while 1 spouse either has an affair or finds themself (whatever that means) and the other spouse sits and hopes for reconciliation. I consider myself to be divorced as I will never take back my spouse, even though I have 9 months to go to be legally divorced. (12 months in NC, insane.). Per the Bible, if one spouse commits adultery the other spouse can turn them out (separate) and give them papers of divorce. Divorced, essentially means single with previous experience. If you are still holding on and wanting someone back, you are separated. IMO you are wasting your time in ALL cases where a spouse has cheated on you. Get your confidence back and move on when you are ready.
- NancyLv 45 years ago
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It means that they have always rooted for the same team. They never get ashamed of their team. They watch every game they can no matter how far back the team is in the standings or how bad the team is losing the game. They never give up hope on their team winning. Pretty much, they stick with their team through the good and the bad, and belive in their team through the good and bad. I know I'm a die hard fan. I watch every Yankee game during the year when I'm home and I never believe a game is over untill the last out is made. Last year when the Yanks missed the playoffs, I still watched every game and didn't lose hope since they were mathmaticly eliminated. I'm never ashamed of the Yanks no matter how much money they spend or what players they have on the team. And, I've been a fan for as long as I can remember.
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- 1 decade ago
As long as the two of you are sure that you're not going to get back together, then you could get a divorce very easily. It doesn't have to bring a lot of stress and fighting. If you are living apart from each other now, then and you guys are such good friends all you have to do is file for divorce and send him the papers in the mail. Once he signs them he can mail them back to you and you give them to a lawyer. The process isn't long and stressful at all. If you guys get along now, it shouldn't be stressful. If you want to date, many people consider separated to mean 'still legally married', since that's what it is. It might be difficult for you to date, even explaining your unique situation, people will still think there could be a possibility of you getting back together since you don't hate each other like most separated couples.
- La Vie BohemeLv 71 decade ago
If you are friendly with your husband and you can agree on everything, a divorce will hardly be a hassle or stressful. That being said..being separated and emotionally divorced is pretty much the same as being single except the legal part. If you really don't want to divorce, at least get legally separated. it's as close to single as you can get without a divorce.
- eharrah1Lv 51 decade ago
Separated means different things to different people. Legally, you are not single and your husband can charge you with adultery if he so choses. Me, I am separated from my husband and considered myself single when I met my fiance. The hopefully soon to be ex is fighting the divorce. Not because he wants me back or wants to make it work, but just because he does not want me happy and likes to make my life difficult as much as he can. If you are not trying to make things work with your husband, then you are single.
Matty Reed - Don't know what your source is but I am separated and in no way, shape or form, still in love and with my husband. If he died, my life would be a lot simpler. We are six hours away from each other and that is still too close for my sense of peace.
- justinbig9Lv 61 decade ago
It depends on the reasoning of the separation! If there's no hope in reconciliation, then you can consider yourself single ( just hurry up and get the divorce!). But if the couple is just "taking a break", then stay faithful and work things out. Sounds like you 2 have a difference of opinion on the matter, so just tell him.
- Anonymous1 decade ago
You should keep it strictly business. You two aren't single. You are both married and until divorces are finalized I wouldn't get involved. You will be renting from him. Don't mix business with pleasure. Besides, I know someone who got involved with another woman while he was separated from his wife and promised his marriage was over. He went back to his wife. The other woman is still taking it pretty hard, and she was their neighbor. Talk about awkward when the wife moved back into the house.
- No More AbuseLv 71 decade ago
Separated; means physically away from your spouse, as you are married
Single: not married