How do you give yourself a hoarse voice?

yell as loud as you can for a long time.

Dear Louise,

First of all, please do not find yourself ashamed of your questions. Asking questions is the foundation of our society, and it allows one to truly develop as a warrior both mentally and physically. Currently, you are pondering how you may obtain the voice of a popular breed of livestock found on many American farms. Although to many people this could be interpreted as absurd, I personally understand what you desire. It was not long ago that I found myself attempting to communicate with hairless cats. After several months of practice, I finally began to remaster my vocals so that I was able to speak to the creatures. Recently I had learned that the felines follow my every command. Soon the power had gotten to my head, and I began to create an army of influenced kittens. Their brain matter increased rapidly along with their physical strength. The end results were not good, for my mother had walked in on me playing chess with a jungle cat.

Nevertheless, I would suggest eating specific amounts of hay and grass. Also you may want to enter yourself in a race against other horses and or goats. Have friends place bets on you as if you were an animal yourself. Attempt to gain the mindset of the creature you desire to mimic. Sleep in a barn for a few months. Don’t be afraid to walk on all fours. Be yourself. And most importantly, remember to tickle Fred's Pickle before you use my garden hose.

I hope this may help you in your quest of becoming a farm animal. Good luck Louise. You might need it...

Drink some corrosive liquids... or acid mixed with water