Death is an ordinary and natural part of life, but does it ever stop feeling extraordinary and unnatural?

You're not being immature by thinking that death is surreal, not in the least bit. Life is so fragile and fleeting and the death of a loved one is really one of the only things that allows us to see that. Death is an everyday occurrence and it is all around us- the death of a trampled flower, the death of a goldfish in the pond, the thousands of deaths that are reported on the news as the result of a natural disaster- and yet, unless there is a personal stigma attached to it, the death means relatively nothing to us. I think it is a part of human nature (especially in youth) to almost believe in immortality, despite the obvious irony that death is the one common thing that binds all living beings. Why else would we indulge in such risky and threatening behavior such as smoking or jumping out of airplanes? Because despite being well informed on the possible consequences of these actions, we believe that death is merely a myth ,or, at best, an inevitability in old age. I think that's one of the greater reasons for the amount of disbelief and outrage we feel when someone we personally knew dies and is effected by this something that seemed so distant and unreal. To me, it's incredible and almost infuriating to think that death, a natural and yet sudden occurrence, has the ability to take away the laughter of a childhood friend or the comforting support system of a mother; things that seem so immortal, how can they be destroyed by something so human as a speeding car or a lump of cancerous cells? Like you said about your grandfather's friend, "I watched him go from being animated and full of life to being broken and gone in under a minute". No matter how many deaths you encounter in your life, no matter how much you try to prepare yourself for the inevitable, I don't think it ever really gets any easier. How could it? Sure, there are methods to deal with grieving, there is comfort in memories and other support systems to learn to cope, but they never really fill that gaping hole of loss, do they?

When I was younger I viewed death as somewhat of a black hole. Something that consumed people and took them away from their loved ones. I had no concept of an after life or even the reasons for the actual death, just that when someone died, they would no longer be with me. I'd stay up late in to the night thinking about how one day my parents would die and I'd cry and cry and cry thinking about loneliness and disparity.Then, I turned desperately to God and prayed every single night, thinking that if I did, I could save the entire human race and we'd all end up in an eternal heaven similar to this life but without suffering or lingering fear of death. These days, as I grow and explore my spirituality I no longer cling to a literal concept of God or heaven and hell. I view death, as I view most other aspects of religion, as more of a cyclical, natural, all-encompassing concept. I no longer fear death personally as I see death as a form of creation and embrace this wholly. However, that does not mean that I do not still fear the death of my parents and friends, just as I did when I was little. That does not mean that I don't still feel a striking blow of desperation when someone I love dies and disappears from my life.

I wish I was years wiser and could give you more comforting, sagely words, but I, in many ways feel very young and sheltered from the truths of reality. I know that you have suffered a lot of pain from death and illness and yet, despite it all, you always manage to keep going and inspiring and being a source of light for many. I hope you find comfort in your own beliefs and continue to grow from these experiences.

Sending an enormous (((((((((((((hug)))))))))))) your way!

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What exactly do you mean by unnatural? Are you speaking of murder and/or suicide? Perhaps mercy killing (when someone is in such pain that they ask a friend or doctor to just let them die)? As for philosophy there are many theories about death. Not like someone else posted "in philosophy it is the will of god" whoever wrote that maybe doesn't know what philosophy is. That's more of a religious view of death. Anyway many philosophers have written in great detail about death. For example, Heidegger saw death as the completion of life. Think of it like a movie. A movie has a beginning and end. Life is the same. And death is the completion of a persons life. If someone where to not die then they would never be complete, according to some philosophical theories. I suggest reading some philosophy from the french and germans between the 17th and 20th centuries. A few that deal with the topic of death in particular are Heidegger, Sartre, Camus, Nietzsche and many of their contemporaries. Two books I would recommend in particular are Being and Time by Martin Heidegger and Being and Nothingness by Sartre. The former is especially a must read for someone who is interested in the topic of death.

Death Is Natural

Everyone dies. It's the one great unifier of the world, that we each only have one chance at life and that each of our lives will end someday. You're right that there's an odd juxtaposition of horrible tragedies: of children dying in horrific car accidents and peaceful deaths of the elderly in their sleep.

I think the only way to truly get over the troubling feelings of it all is to think about death a lot, but not in a wholly negative way. The very true fact is that you aren't guaranteed to live through tomorrow. You could die tomorrow. Like, ACTUALLY think about that for a few minutes, and it starts to get really creepy. And your loved ones are also not guaranteed to live through the day.

Once you have it in your head that nothing is really guaranteed, you can start focusing on the things that are important. If you're thinking "I could die tomorrow," you begin to take action, chipping away at the projects and building the relationships that are most important to you.

I'm 26 years old, and there have been a few deaths from cancer lately in my family, so I've been experiencing death more than usual for past year. My thoughts and attitudes about death have changed a lot since I was a teenager. I think the trick for me, is that I've come to the realization that death isn't the worst thing that can happen to someone. Horrible deaths happen all the time, all over the world. That doesn't make them good or right, but it means that people can live on, despite the awful tragedies around them.

Dying is about the people who are still alive, more than it's about the person who died. That dead person is gone. When we brood about the last moments of a person's life, how scared they might have been, how painful it might have been, it's usually much worse than what the dead person experienced. For the person, their death isn't something they had a chance to sit and wonder about. Even if the death was painful and lasted an hour, the people who live on are stuck living with the thoughts of that painful hour. They think about that one hour for days. The pain of that hour is nothing compared to the pain that happens in the imagination of the survivors over the next several years. That's for a long death, not even for an instant death.

I say, don't be afraid to think about death logically and rationally. So much of death is emotional, and talking about death or thinking about death is such a faux pax because it makes people seem morbid or psychotic is they talk about it too much. Being afraid of death is one thing, but never be afraid to explore your thoughts and feelings and logical reasoning when it comes to death.

Hope this helps. Best of luck!

((((((((((((LARK)))))))))))))))))))

I just left you a message on IM. I am so sorry about your losses. I know that you said you have no desire from sympathy and throughout the years you have proved that you really are allergic to pity, but I can not imagine how you feel. My experiences with death and grief have been on a much, much smaller scale and is limited to relatives when I was younger and family pets.

As you know, I was stung by grief earlier this week with Ritchie so I can imagine that the pain would be even more devastating and emotional. Btw, I totally agree about how people seem to shun PDE (Public Displays of Emotion) more than PDA (Public Displays of Affection). It seriously bugs me. I was shot some dirty looks on the train after finding out the bad news on Tuesday and I wasn't sobbing either. And I absolutely share your opinion on it being surreal and just feels plain odd. I don't think it's an age thing either. Like, us both being young, I think it's a human thing. It is a natural cycle of life, but that does not mean that anyone is accustomed to it or that you should be either. Of course your grandfather's friend would be replaying in your mind. You witnessed the ordeal and that would be traumatic for anyone. The fact that two deaths have just been spanned under a short period of time would make it even more emotionally difficult. No-one can prepare for death of themselves or death of someone else. My Nana's friend just recently lost her very young daughter and her father in the same week. She said that she hasn't even begun to grieve her father because of the magnitude of grief that has already weighed her down and I really feel for her.

((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))) Your explanation of it being the 'juxtaposition of two opposite state of beings' is the most perfect way to explain why it is so odd. That is really, really wise. I am so proud of you. You have been there for so many people while juggling so much simultaneously and now you just need to allow yourself time to grieve and feel the emotions that make us *human*.

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The death is to be decided natural or unnatural on the facts of the spiritual body's destiny. Hence it is believed after unnatural death the spiritual body does not lay in rest or peace it is an offence committed either by self or others.

When it stops feeling extraordinary, you've stopped being human. It is however the most natural part of life. My nursing instructor told us "the only thing that is guaranteed in life is death" that sounded so harsh, but oh so true.

You may very well be suffering from PTSD. What you experienced is nothing less than life changing and traumatic. I recently lost my life partner to a horrible death from a little known syndrome called NOMI. I watched her die a slow and painful death and didn t even know she was dying until the doctors finally told me she could not be saved. I was in shock and totally powerless. I was completely traumatized and still am although after 14 months the razor sharp edge of grief is beginning to slightly dull. I am going to therapy and perhaps you should too.

I have accepted death for myself. I'm more worried about HOW I die rather than actually dying You CAN die at any moment, always remember that. But there's no reason to become paranoid over death, afraid to live life properly. The fear of death is not a reason to be afraid to live. Everyone dies but not everyone lives.

As for people who die around you, there's nothing you can do about it. Death doesn't stop for anyone. Knowing that doesn't make it any less painful, however. I fear the death of my friends and family more than my own death. It's because, as humans, we cannot cope with the stress of losing someone dear to us. Therefore, I implore you to look pass the little things of life regarding family and friends. I always make it a point to tell everyone that I love how much they mean to me everyday.

So, all that said, the best thing for you to do is live life. The more time you dwell on it, the more obsessed you become with it. No one can control death but death starts to control you, in your thoughts and actions.