How do you keep calm and let things roll off your back when your spouse says things on purpose to stir you up?

If my husband pulls crap like that I straight out ask him, "Are you trying to start a fight?"

He almost always backs down.

The way you handled yourself at the daycare center was how most normal respectful parents would have handled the situation' you did right. His version of how you should have acted was totally ghetto & you would have come off looking immature. You have yourself a guy who has some character issues, defects problems etc, these issues are not about to go away anytime soon, try as you might, and you will try, maybe have tried several times already to try and fix him, but you can't. Realistically speaking he has some growing up to do. People who try to provoke another person for self centered reasons typically are immature & it's possible if you asked his mom or school principal what your guy was like as a child, one or both may say he had a bully side to him. The only thing you can do is talk to him about this & express your feelings' it may not do any good, but its worth a shot? Or you can wait a few years for him to grow up? Or you can leave? You have choices, options, etc, its up to you. Good Luck

I have to be honest and say that they example you gave doesn't look like he's deliberately trying get a reaction out of you but rather is expecting you to react the same way he would. The way you handled the situation is probably the best in normal situations - calm, political, and under control. However, it sounds like he's been brought up to verbally abuse and/or over-react to get his point across and therefore thinks that you don't care because you are not reacting the same way he would (in his eye's, that controlled reaction my imply a lack of concern). If you ask me, it sounds more like a communication/understanding issue between you and your spouse than him trying to push your buttons.

Anyway, in either case, I'd recommend that you go see a couples counselor to work this out together before it really gets out of hand.

Best of luck!

the first answer really hits it on the head.. give it back to him.

I don't know why he does it i don't know even know my own motives let alone another person but it's easier to let it roll off than i thought.

when he says something like that just look at him like you would your son when he don't get his way.

or put the ball in his court. or explain yourself is pointless but sometimes it works.

well since my child will be in there with these people caring for him when we can't. i think being nice is the way to go here is why. if we are mean they will give him the wrong snacks they will let him be on the floor we don't want they won't change his diapers you just being smart about it and he is jealous that you have a grip on yourself and he don't.

i guess.

but when he does that stuff. just agree with him. yeah that sucks what are you going to do about it.

or ask him if he is okay after his hissy fit.

or blow it out. my problem your right it is my problem so why don't you bud out.

if i wanted your opinion i''d ask for it. unless you want me to start tossing my opinions out. lol

or change the subject. (thats your problem.... ) oh that reminds me i need to stop at the store to get some cheeese. do you want meat loaf for dinner tomorrow or you going to take me out on a date?

or just answer everything with well where were you?

or turn it back on him.

my problem you think i don't care... we I don't think you care either or you would of went in there with me. instead your still sitting on your lazy butt.

but that's only going to add more fuel to the fire.

pick your battles wisely

Your husband sounds like a jerk. In your place I would deal with his behavior by getting a good job, clearing half our joint assets out of the bank, and leaving his nasty @ss.

The other alternative is marriage counseling.

Don't just ignore him. This is never going to improve and he is teaching your son, by example, that this is how a man treats his wife. And you are teaching your child, by example, that this is okay.

agreeing with them in a sarcastic way usually does the trick..

in your situation, how you handled it was just fine, if he wants to raise hell and potentially lose the services then tell him he can go right ahead

Kick him to the curb!

Oops, did someone say that already?

sounds like you have two kids to deal with.....

the raising hell approach may get his *** kicked.....

you handled it like and adult.......

I let him roll off my back. for good.