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ladyraven48 asked in Arts & HumanitiesPoetry · 1 decade ago

Critique this poem for me?

The Vision of a Bleeding Heart

I once had a vision

It came in the form of a dream.

I awoke in the midst of this beautiful field

Near the banks of a limpid stream.

It was there that I saw an eagle

That lay dead in a cage of bars –

Completely surrounded by water and food,

Yet, the eagle had starved.

I was overcome by silence…

Unable to say a word.

I pondered at the tragedy

Of such a beautiful bird.

It was like seeing a rich man

With treasures untold

That himself dies of hunger

In the midst of all his gold.

As I gazed into the cage

The bars began to change –

Into the form of a skeleton

Like dried bones they then became.

The eagle then changed into a human heart

That was bleeding with sorrow and grief.

And from the wound from which it bled

It then began to speak.

It said, “I am the spirit of an eagle,

Yet, the heart of a mortal man.

And when you lose what you love the most

It’s more than a heart can stand.

These are not idle words

But a warning I’m giving to you.

Once you lose your freedom

Your heart will break in two.

When you hunger for a love not there –

You’ll starve yourself to death.

Alone, you’ll die in a cage of bars

When nothing else is left.”

I was seeing this with my own two eyes

But not believing what I’d heard.

The skeleton changed back into the cage

And the heart changed back to the bird.

Update:

My brother wrote this. He thinks he cannot write.

4 Answers

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  • 1 decade ago
    Favorite Answer

    This is beautiful. Who is it by? I love the visual imagery, especially the 'caged bars.' Absolutely gorgeous poem. I suppose it could have lots of different meanings for different people. For me it was symbolic of what we are doing to this world, ie the environment, endangered animals and so on. But I really loved this. It flows wonderfully.

  • 1 decade ago

    The eagle had something it treasured, more valuable than gold.

    Then one day it lost it, no longer was it there to hold.

    It's heart bled from pain's pierce, "I will suffice for nothing" it vowed.

    The world tried to feed it, but the eagle was stubborn and proud.

    So it died alone, there was no one by it's side.

    To see this beautiful bird, die because of pride.

    Your Friend~My Pal

  • 1 decade ago

    The poem is excellent, just the starved eagle I think is hmmm....

    I'd change the <beautiful> to something else; you name it.

  • 1 decade ago

    Its good, submit it.

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