A poll “prose” - * Paternity Established* please, is there any way to improve this piece?

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Our guest today is Ms. Damsey Blues with her for moral support is

her surrogate sister, Dallas, Aunt Kathy, and the woman they call Lizzie

In the back room we have sequestered some men, who could be (or seem to have reason to think)

-the father

We have done DNA testing to establish the identity of the real father and I think

Everyone is in for a colossal Surprise today. We pause now for commercial break

Ms. Blues, why are you here today?

(Well, Sir, I am here to prove to my babby's daddy that he really is the da

Of my unborn child)

Is there any doubt in your mind?

(no, sir – I am sure )

Were you *with* any other men in the last eight months?

(well yes, there was Hiram & George & Fredric & Del & Mark---but we just hung out

…ya know?)

Was there any time you were with any of these men that you may have had a bit much to drink or maybe were a bit indiscrete?

(no, no sir… Never, I only drink water!!!)

Well, I think you may be surprised at the outcome today, are you ready to confront the guys and make a statement?

(* deep sigh * yes)

The guys file out one by one testosterone filling the stage…

The crowd roars in appreciation for the choice in meat of the Blue woman

There seems to be an unspoken camaraderie in the men’s attitude which belies her claims to their sperm

They are not sure if each man is hopeful that he is the father or if they are anxious to be off the hook

They are milling around onstage making small talk … we pause for a commercial break

The camera is pointed on Auntie who rushes onto the stage followed closely by Lizzie and

Dallas who is looking pensive…

Lizzie and Auntie look defiant, Dallas appears ready to faint!

Hiram catches her holding her up

An envelope is waved in the air! The moment of truth has arrived and what will the reactions be? Relief? Hurt? Confusion? Anger? … Damsy grabs the envelope ripping it open and gasping

She falls passing out as her contingent of ladys look accusingly at each man standing there

The announcement is blared over the air to the audience, Peter is NOT the father

..Hiram is NOT the father

…George is NOT the father

… Fredric is NOT the father

…Del is NOT the father

…Mark is NOT the father

The DNA test proves definitively that none of these men are the father

-a glass of cold water is tossed in the face of the pregnant woman who seems to be having labor pains

What have you to say to this new information Ms. Blues?

Why, Mr. Povich, I was just joshing. The truth is that my babby isn't even MY babby. The egg was donated by Dallas and fertilized by the most prolific man at the fertility clinic. This same man, while still a virgin, has fathered over 1000 babbies!

BOMBSHELL! We knew that all along Ms Blues! We wanted to expose the fertility clinic and the man who, er...'works' for them! (Camera pans the shocked audience & stops on a gnome-like man who is smiling wryly.) Povich belts out, 'Stand up Mr. Osborne, and admit the truth!'

Suddenly Blues goes into labor and she screams as the pain rakes her body. Stage crew runs out and carries her writhing body off stage...

.Later that day...

Blues awoke in a pristine room

In a dreamlike fashion the evening sun kissed

Her skin, the men in her life all surrounded her

Assuring her of their continued love and support

Dallas appeared in the doorway with a

Small wiggly gnome-like bundle, a box of cigars in her handbag

Smiling shyly, she handed them out. 'I'm naming her 'Juice'," she said, as she walked off into the sunset.

(Due to complaints from parents who were rearing bald, rather homely children, the fertility clinic closed its doors forever.)

The end.