Adult step children - how to treat them? I feel like I am being taken advantage of.?

Hello, they ALL sound incredibly selfish and its fairly clear that they get that from their Dad. You are right to stop making so much effort but you might find that your whole relationship is built around you being a 'giver' and the rest of them being 'takers'

I would give careful thought to what you like about this man and why the relationship is important to you.

I have had a stepdad since I was in my 20s and he is fantastic and I totally appreciate his efforts for children who are not his (he has none of his own) and would never treat him the way you are being treated. The fact that their dad is on their side however means things are unlikely to change.

From what you say, there is a problem but I don't think it's your partners adult children! While your intentions have always been good and warm hearted, you failed to realize you are playing to a deaf audience which includes your partner.

I recommend you stand your ground and let his family be the way they are with some small exceptions. If you in fact did give money, gifts and gratitude to this ungrateful bunch you now need to give truth. I suggest you follow this simple formula for dealing with disrespect and ignorance. Be the best you can be always ensuring your worth within the family unit however, if you are asked for favor you should be brutally honest without hesitation. If your partner asks why you didn't give for a certain occasion let him know that when you do it's insulting to not get a response, such as a thank you or acknowledgment. I would also take that one step further noting how insensitive and disrespectful those acts are.

My point is this; common sense tells me it's not just you that suffers these types of indignities, rather, your partners adult children simply sound as if they are rude people, and while it's always uncomfortable, rude people will not change unless they are challenged by logic and truth (the exception would be mental issues). The next time you are asked for money or gifts or anything other than simply being a friend, just point out that the last time you did that you expected a thank you or at the very least an acknowledgment, and that not getting those simple responses tells you that it's not appreciated, end of conversation!

In the end you will lose the battle if you continue to be a mother to all, a friend to none while hiding the truth. Stand your ground on "doing the right things", otherwise you are encouraging bad behavior. As for your partners attitude: You made the choice to be with him and stay with him. All that can be said about that is; he's probably the reason the kids are like they are... Sorry about that!

PS: Let them go on their vacation, you should take advantage of it and make some good friends or reinvest in old ones. You don't need the aggravation!

You can't smuse or buy love or respect. With my step children I did the same thing trying to be that which I felt they didn't have with there blood parents thy were wild child and I got kicked in the teeth for it.

It was only when I quit trying long enough, and saying "No, I think it's time you faced the fact that you don't want it bad enough or you would already have it and not be asking me." or "Somethings we just weren't meant to have." Oh it's not easy, but I was the only one that had any feelings either way for what I was doing the kids surely didn't and there Dad didn't and I had come to the point I was kicking myself because they didn't care and took advantage.

Within months of quiting answering the phone setting it down and calling for dad instead of trying to talk, not looking up from tv when they visited like their dad, and basically not caring anymore. They all began giving me respect thanking me for things I'd done years ago. Don't ask me why maybe folks just don't appreciate anything until its gone or maybe they feel bad when someone is "owed a favor" but I quit helping and just let them be, grandikds has a special day around their birthdays with us and a so so party at their house or "lame" as my grand daughter said. But that's how most people are.

You are not being unreasonable at all! Your stepchildren are downright rude and unappreciative. If they were teenagers perhaps I would understand, a lot of younger kids act out against their parent's new partner and resent them for 'stealing' their parent. But these are adults with children of their own, they should know better. Even if personalities would clash, there is still such a thing as general politeness. You have given them many years to come around and realise how much you do for them, but clearly they don't give a damn. So in return neither should you anymore. You should not spend your money on people who do not appreciate it. Your partner clearly does not see how rude his children are towards you, and I cannot understand that he refuses to buy them anything but expects you to? And they don't even hide their disdain for you, how could they not invite you for the holiday! I hope you won't give in, and give them a taste of their own medicine. And if they finally ask you why you are behaving rude, explain to them that their behaviour over the years and lack of appreciation is very hurtful.

It might be time to cut ties and get away from the people who treat you like that. You're an adult, and you can do pretty much whatever you want. If you've got your problems under control and can get by on your own, there's no reason for you to stay around people who make you feel ignorant and insane.

Adult Stepchildren Problems

My god, the first answer you got from Sian is entirely correct!

They clearly get their lack of respect and gratitude from their father.

I have a stepmum, mine died 7 years ago and my dad been with this lady for about 4 years and she always buys me and my sisters and our kids seperate presents from my father at christmas and for birthdays - and she always gets the same in return, as does her youngest son (i've never met her 2 older children).

I really feel for you, you've been treated very badly and you are right to stop financial handouts, their dad can deal with it! it may be a tough road but don't let this family use you, I hope for your sake at least the father realises what he's got, if he doesn't tho hun, you stand your ground and what will be, will be.

Their attitudes are hurtful and You are doing the right thing by cutting off the financial handouts, presents, etc. and backing off.

Let this go...You can't make people accept, love, or treat you the way you deserve. Focus on the others in your life that bring you joy and happiness.

As your husband's wife (and in your home), you SHOULD be treated with respect.

I know exactly how you are feeling. I don't want to put too much down publicly on here but if you ever want to chat about it please feel free to contact me on email or messenger.